S01E014, Friend or Foe? Marriage Matters
In this week’s Marriage Matters, Andy B and Jo talk about friends, whether they are friends of the wife, friends of the husband or both or whether they are friendships formed before or after marriage. And Andy and Jo consider how these friendships can affect our marriages for good or bad. The idea of Friend or Foe comes from wartime and so-called friends could turn out to be enemies of your marriage causing more harm than good, on the other hand a healthy friendship can enhance and strengthen a marriage.
Andy, as usual, makes sense of it all with scripture verses:
- Proverbs 18:24
- 1 Corinthians 15:33
- 1 Corinthians 5:11
Choose your friends wisely!
Tips and Resources
- Pray for your wife or your husband to make the right friends -Read Praying wife/ Prayer Husband by Stormie Omartian
- Read about friendships in the bible – David and Johnathan & Jesus and his Disciples.
- Check out the Skitguys – Tom & Eddy – who have a lifelong friendship and have even written a book about it - https://skitguys.com/
The Take Away
Andy and Jo were surprised by how much is written about friendships in the bible and Jo could see how the bible shows the importance of healthy friendships.
Andy challenges us to consider our friendships in the light of scripture and to think about whether we have friendships that are detrimental to our marriage.
Andy and Jo
Andy 0:37 Well hello, and welcome to yet another awesomeness that is Marriage Matters. My name's Andy.
Jo 0:43 And I'm Jo.
Andy 0:44 And this is Marriage Matters. Now, if you want to know what's going on with all things BerryBunch, then you can like us on Facebook, you can subscribe to our YouTube channel. And we're also on Tumblr, and we're on Twitter, which is kind of cool. And as ever, the best way to stay up to date and not miss out on any of our stuff that we're doing just for you is to sign up to Berry Bytes, our Berry Bunch newsletter. And it's Berry Bunch with a Y, because why not?
Jo 1:13 Brilliant. Well, thank you for joining us. This week we're looking at, it's called Friend or Foe. So we're looking at friendships in our marriages. And we're thinking about friends that we have, whether Friends of the wife, friends of the husband, or mutual friends. And we're thinking about whether that's good or bad. And, of course, when we get married, we bring our friends with us. Whether we've known them at school, university, college, workplace or whatever. And then of course, during our marriage, we might pick up new friends as a couple. And so whether those friendships are supporting our marriage, making our marriage better, or, or actually they're getting in the way of causing problems. That's what we're sort of looking at.
Andy 1:54 Yes, and Friend or Foe? One of the things that we thought about was the English made film, Valiant, where they're learning pigeons. Is it a friend or is it a foe?
Jo 2:02 Yeah, absolutely. The terms used in the in the military in the, in the in the war
Andy 2:06 Friend or Foe?
Jo 2:07 And it is important to know the difference. And actually, sometimes, we might not know. And it's, we, that's where we need to use wisdom and get some thinking about it and helping, and praying about it, I guess.
Andy 2:19 Yeah, and we've looked at In Laws, we looked at Family, some of the baggage, good baggage, bad baggage, it's not all bad, but some of that baggage can be quite destructive. So we looked at families, how we would suggest you tackle that when you first get wed.
Andy 2:33 We've also looked at other things you might bring into your marriage. Some of the negative baggage, some of the stuff we kind of shove on our shoulders, and we keep on with us, and we should probably give to God. So, now, we're looking at friendships.
Jo 2:45 Yeah.
Andy 2:45 Those things that can be really, really beneficial, really supportive. They can build you up, and they can urge you to keep going. But but they can also tear down.
Jo 2:54 Yeah.
Andy 2:55 And actually, I didn't think when I first looked at this that the Bible said an awful lot about friendships, but it says loads.
Jo 3:00 Yeah, absolutely.
Andy 3:01 We were flicking through Proverbs, it's like, ok, let's just stick to a few.
Jo 3:05 Yeah.
Andy 3:05 They're all quite sure. But actually, there's loads in the Scripture about how we're supposed to approach our time with other people. And I think just to caveat all of that, we're not talking about people that you meet gnerally. We're talking about how do you choose to spend your social time? And by that we simply mean, 'cos that's how we talk? How do we spend time that isn't already allocated by our job, or things that we must do? How do we allocate the rest? How much does that influence what we're doing?
Jo 3:05 Yeah.
Andy 3:05 And also, friendships can be great going into marriage, may not be so healthy when you are married. We talked the other week, didn't we about the importance of really thinking, do you need to take a year as a married couple to really understand who are you as one person? Not these two halves. We always say other half, which is really bad. But actually we're looking at friendships, you know, some of these friendships can be great. And some of them can be so destructive.
Jo 3:58 Yeah.
Andy 3:58 Just chipping away at what you're thinking and yeah.
Jo 4:01 We have looked at the fact that the couple themselves are friends, aren't they. Friendships a real basis of your marriage. And so it's an extension of that. And perhaps similar in some ways, but obviously at different times, different seasons, different people. And so just thinking about, yeah, let's have a look at the friendships in our lives. And are they healthy? Are they helping us move forward in our marriage, or not?
Andy 4:25 Building us up, or tearing us down?
Jo 4:27 Yes.
Jo 4:27 Or the other person. We'll come back to take a little break.
Nathan 4:30 "Physical training is good, but training for godliness is much better, promising benefits in this life and in the life to come."
Nathan 4:44 The point of this scripture is that while physical training is good, is beneficial for us. It keeps us fit keeps us healthy, it's not nearly as beneficial as spiritual training and all that makes up training for godliness, such as reading our Bibles, praying and going to church. And that is the point of Endurance. It is to show how we can maintain self discipline, and how we can endure through our training for godliness. With that in mind, go check it out!
Jo 5:29 Welcome back to Marriage Matters. We're looking at Friend or Foe? So, okay, what we gonna say about this? We've all brought friendships to our marriage. And I suppose, if you think about it, you just, you're single, you live a single life, you go out doing single things, don't you? If you play a particular sport, you might go out and have a few drinks and things. And so life, like you say, changes when you're married, doesn't it? And that's not necessarily going to be the way you can carry on. Not to say it has to stop.
Andy 6:00 It may not go down very well.
Jo 6:01 No, and it
Andy 6:02 I've seen that.
Jo 6:03 Doesn't it. Depends on on who you're marrying and what you've agreed upon. It might be that you've met your partner through the sport, and you do that together, which is great. That that can be very healthy. But what do you think, Andy? You've got some scripture there, haven't you?
Andy 6:16 I do. I've seen couples who struggle with this in two ways. I've seen a couple who, once they get married I'd say, normally, the wives' friends, as a bit of a stereotype. But I've not seen the other way and, as ever, we only talk about our own experience. But I've seen the wife's friends get quite jealous. 'Oh, you're always with your husband, you need to you know, get rid of him, and you need to stay with us as well. We were here first!" And they've completely missed the perspective of, now she's married, now, her friendships are far less important. It's not a question of getting married and dumping your friends. Like we said, it's not a question of getting married and dumping your family. Although it might be healthy to do that, actually. That might be healthy to do. But I've seen it where the friends get very jealou, 'Well you're never with us anymore'. Well, of course she's not. She's with a husband, as she should be.
Andy 7:01 And I've also seen it where the wife, or the husband, is struggling and perhaps, you know, half a year in they're like, 'Oh, I'm not enjoying this marriage thing.' And I've seen it where people come alongside and say, 'Look, you're married, just get on with it. You know, there isn't a Plan B here, just just get it'.
Andy 7:15 So I've seen both of those things working out. And, yeah, I've seen both of those, and that they're quite contrasting actually. But I've seen jealousy, when someone's got married. We've seen jealousy within families quite a lot. That's maybe more normal. But, actually, I've seen friendships get jealous as well. And that isn't healthy. And that isn't a friend you want to be with.
Jo 7:36 No!
Andy 7:36 And I know when one of the things that you've seen, perhaps more than I. I don't think men do this quite so much. But I think some some, you've seen far more the wives kind of slagging off the husbands, and it's almost like they're just generating this storm of hatred between them, which is not healthy. And it's not, you know that's not friendships. The Bible talks about our edification of each other, which means we're building one another up, not tearing each other down.
Andy 8:00 We're just gonna, we've only got a few little scriptures. Proverbs 18, 24. We'll start with this one:
Andy 8:06 "A man of many companions may come to ruin. But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."
Andy 8:13 Now I've seen that 'closer than a brother thing' used by somebody who, let's say what it was, he was a selfish idiot. He uses scripture to be nasty and horrible and cruel. Now, we can't do that, 'cos we have to answer to God for what we do. But it is really easy to have lots and lots of friends, but no real friends. I mean, you can use chums mates, powers, whatever word works for you. But just because you've got a number of friends, doesn't mean to say you've got any real friends.
Andy 8:39 Facebook is a real detriment to this. "Oh, I've got 5000 Friends!". I bet you haven't.
Jo 8:44 Yeah.
Andy 8:44 You know, I've got, what have we got? About 80 odd friends on Facebook or something. You know, they're all people we know. They're nice people. We've had friendships with them at various points. But some of those we barely talk to. Some of them we talk to a lot. And I think if you've got more than a handful of friends, then you're kind of, you joking really. How many disciples did Jesus have? They were his closest set of friends, there was 12. Of those 12, they weren't people he spent all His time with. Actually, it was just a small handful.
Andy 8:45 If you're reading blog posts, you can't have 1,000 blogs that you follow. You're never going to read them. So there's a limit to what we can have. And that comes from blog posts, or the number of friendships that are really deep ones, that we can have. And there's season. Some of those friendships we're going to be really tight with, and have loads of time with, and then they move away, we move away, children come along, jobs change. Maybe you move to nights from days and all of a sudden, that season comes to an end, but it may come back again.
Jo 9:35 I think, I think that Scripture is useful, isn't it? To know what a real friend is, sticks closer than a brother? It's about quality, not quantity, isn't it?
Andy 9:42 Yes.
Jo 9:43 I think that's really helpful. And we see the picture of Jesus with close friends as well. And I suppose it's about going through adversity isn't it? Closer than a brother means that they're going to be through the thick and thin. You know who your friends are when adversity comes, and difficulties come. And if you are going through a difficult patch in your marriage, the real friend's gonna support you and help you through it.
Andy 10:03 They're not gonna to try and find a way out for you.
Jo 10:05 No!
Andy 10:05 If you're in an abusive situation, then yeah, you need somebody to come along, and you need to get the authorities involved. And you need to deal with that appropriately and righteously. Churches have notoriously failed for that. We're not talking about that,. We're talking about a healthy marriage where friendships can simply eat away at the bottom of it, like, you know, the you think about coastal areas where the water's going underneath and then suddenly it drops down. Because they're, it's biting underneath the foundation and the support. And, if we're not careful, that's what can happen.
Andy 10:06 Got another scripture,
Jo 10:08 Yep.
Andy 10:09 1 Corinthians, chapter 5, verse 11, which says this:
Andy 10:42 "But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but"
Andy 10:47 so this is a Christian, a brother or sister in Christ,
Andy 10:50 "but is sexually immoral or greedy, or an idolater, or a slanderer, or a drunkard, or a swindler."
Jo 10:56 Wow
Andy 10:56 I mean, when you put it like that,
Jo 10:59 Yeah.
Andy 10:59 Ok. They're not people we want to be with. It's funny, I was talking, we've just been filming Endurance with Steven and Nathan. And we were talking about how you need to adapt how you speak to people, how you are with other people. But that would never ever justify sin. And I was recounting a tale about a guy I knew, who believed he had a witness. He went to university, he would go clubbing to the nightclubs. He would sleep around, he would do loads of alcohol. Didn't matter if he had sex with people. But he wouldn't do drugs, therefore, he had a witness. And I remember at the time, and I said this in my GoDeeper with the boys, how is that a witness? Your witness is so far disappeared, not doing drugs is not a witness, if you're doing loads of other stuff. You know, we need to be loving and kind towards other people. But at the same time, God is never going to lead us into sin. In fact, more than that, if we're tempted by sin, God always provides a get out. A way of us not sinning.
Andy 11:59 But yeah, somebody who calls themselves a brother, but is sexually immoral, greedy,. Sexually immoral can be quite hidden, but greedy? Maybe that'd be a bit hidden as well. An idolater, or slanderer? And it's interesting. It's not so much we shouldn't spend any time with people like that. It's somebody who says, I am a Christian, but I'm gonna go and do this bunch of stuff. That's not somebody who's gonna help us. It's not gonna build our marriage up. It's not going to build us up in Jesus Christ.
Jo 12:25 Yeah. I mean, when we get married, people stand up with you, don't they, as you do the ceremony and you stadn up.
Andy 12:30 Ooh, I love it when that happens!
Jo 12:31 And say, right, we're gonna, we're gonna, you know, support you through this, and you do need support. And so what you want are people who agree with marriage, who are who are supportive of it. You know, some people might not agree, might not think it's for them. And so there may be some negative attitudes, if you've got people who've had bad experiences, whether it's their own parents, or whether their own.
Andy 12:50 Divorcees?
Jo 12:51 Yeah, not to say that everyone will be maybe, but people may become better or, or just have a negative sort of sense of things.
Andy 12:58 It's a possibility you need to be aware of.
Jo 13:00 Yeah, absolutely. And you just need to know if you're on the same page, because marriage is important, isn't it? And it's important to make sure that we do all that we can to keep the marriage going. And if we've got people, like you say, eating away, just picking away at things,
Andy 13:14 'Oh he did that did he? Oh well, that probably means this, and that.'
Jo 13:17 Yeah. So I mean, you don't you need all the help you can get. And if you do have a negative, you can go through negative experiences, you can have arguments. And if you've got somebody on the sidelines, who you consider to be a friend, they could be the person that sort of pulls you away and out of the marriage couldn't they.
Andy 13:31 Here's a bad example of a friend. So you have an argument, you go to your friend and say we've had an argument. 'Oh you did? Oh, I'm not surprised.'
Jo 13:39 Yeah.
Andy 13:40 'Well, you know, that's, that's where, that's how they are, you know, you stay away from there'.
Andy 13:44 Here's a good example of a good friend! 'I've had an argument.' 'Well did you do anything to promote that?'
Jo 13:50 Yeah.
What do you need to deal with?' 'He's done this, she's done that?' 'Well what did you do?'
Andy 13:55 You know, there's bad news, good friends, and they can steer us really, very, obviously, and very subtly. We've had a situation in our own life with family where they've tried to take Jo away. 'Ooh let's go shopping Jo. Let's get you away from Andy.' And they couldn't work out why Jo actually wants to be with me because their marriage is not in a good state. They don't want to be with their other half, quite evidently. They'd probably argue otherwise. But I'm afraid the fruit is true and you can't deal with the reality. You can't escape it away. Whereas Jo and I really enjoy spending time together.
Jo 14:29 Yeah.
Andy 14:29 I remember it was really funny 'cos your expertise in life is, is specific! But I remember with a midwife, after one of our kids was born, and they were trying to get me to leave the room. And we said, look, we know the question you're gonna ask. We know the reason why you want me out of the room so you can talk to Jo on her own and make sure she's safe. Can we just bypass that please? 'Cos I'm the stay at home dad and I'm not going anywhere thanks. And we can assume all sorts of things because we see you know, we see demons under the bed.
Andy 14:56 You know, a really good friend will recognise if you're in danger. and will help you. But a really good friend would also realise 'Yeah but did you do that thing again, that really upsets them? Well, don't think you need to repent of that to God.
Jo 15:10 Yeah, and I think, I think some of the times when you've sort of spent some time with a friend, you come back in a better place, or peaceful, more able to enjoy our relationship, and it brings something of goodness into the marriage, doesn't it. Whereas if you've gone away, and you've been with someone who isn't particularly helpful, then that can cause strife in the relationship. And you don't need that! Because there's enough to cause arguments. Finances. Problems. Children, you know, whatever. You don't need friends coming in, and then sort of adding to the difficulties. But when you do have a good friend that can really enhance and support, like friends will, or you know, and have families can have your children for a while, but friends can say, you know, hey, it looks like you need a break, why don't you, you know, and we'll babysit or something.
Andy 15:55 Some really good models I've seen, maybe I should have saved this for the resource section, oh well, is several couples from a church who kind of clubbed together 3, 4 or 5 couples. And one of them, or two of them, perhaps, will go out for a night out, you know, married, married night out, but one of the other couples will babysit. So they're providing kind of mutually beneficial babysitting, so that one of the couples can go out. You only need a couple of couples.
Jo 16:20 Yeah.
Andy 16:21 Two sets of people is enough to do that. But I've seen it with like three, four or five couples who just help each other out looking after the kids.
Jo 16:27 Yeah.
Andy 16:27 School runs or whatever. And that's quite good.
Jo 16:29 Yeah, absolutely.
Andy 16:31 There's, there's loads on this topic
Jo 16:33 Yeah absolutely.
Andy 16:33 On friendship. And the Bible's very clear. Actually, I'll just shut it and I was about to read it. Which isn't helpful is it?
Jo 16:38 Is that the next one?
Andy 16:40 Yeah. It's a little bit harsh.
Jo 16:42 Is it? Ooh, brace yourself! then.
Andy 16:44 Hang on, I've lost it?
Jo 16:46 I thought that was the harsh one you just did.
Andy 16:47 Bad Company?
Jo 16:48 Oh, is it worse?
Andy 16:49 No. 1 Corinthians chapter 15, verse 33:
Andy 16:53 "Do not be misled. Bad company corrupts good character."
Andy 16:59 The thing is, if you're being deceived, the very nature of that is you don't know you're being deceived. But you can know if you're being misled, because you get into scripture, which is the plumb line to our faith. So we know if somebody's trying to take us down a path we shouldn't go.
Andy 17:15 My first priority after God is my wife. She's my best friend. And she feels about me the same way. And, okay, we love spending time together. We can't spend enough time together. I know for some couples, they'd look at how much we spend time together and they'd probably have a mental breakdown. We look at some couples and think, don't you ever see each other. Every marriage is going to be very unique, very different it's not, you know, don't have to be like us. And we don't need to be like you. We need to be what we are and we love spending time together. And whether it's phoneign each other, texting each other when Jo's at work. Or, you know, putting the washing one the line together, we just we enjoy being with one another. And, after 25 years, I think that's pretty good fruit of a good relationship. 'Cos we still want to spend more time with each other.
Jo 18:00 Yeah.
Andy 18:00 Which is great. So this idea of friendships? I think I would sum this little section up like this. Friendships can be really, really beneficial to your marriage. They can build you up, They can make you face your own accountability requirements. They can say, look, yeah, this is what she's done. But what are you doing? What's God calling you to do, you know that old, famous prayer? "Please, Lord, change her." You know, a good friend is gonna say, yeah, but what's God need to change in you?" "How are you going to get more like Jesus Christ."
Andy 18:30 I love the idea that a marriage is not there for our gratification, but it's actually to build the kingdom of God. So friendships can be incredibly, richly blessing upon your relationship, but they can be incredibly destructive. And we see these words from Paul, loads of words from King Solomon throughout the book of Proverbs, be very, very careful about the friendships, the people that you're choosing to spend your time with and make your life allegiances with. Are they gonna pull you towards your spouse? Or are they going to pull you away from your spouse? It's good to be with other people. It's good to be with friendships. It's really healthy, and quite good. But, my first priority's to Jo and if I'm getting pulled away from her too often, then me and Jo and not walking step together. And that's when
Jo 19:13 Yeah.
Andy 19:14 Little eruptions happen.
Jo 19:16 Yeah, I kept can't help thinking about The Good Life. And Jerry and Tom are good friends.
Andy 19:20 A great BBC sitcom from the 70s.
Jo 19:23 There was an incident where Tom's wife was upset about something. And Tom came to his friend Jerry didn't he, expecting Jerry to be the man, and like be on his side.
Andy 19:31 Oh yeah. Typical woman.
Jo 19:33 And, and Jerry was like, no, you fall
Andy 19:36 You're an idiot.
Jo 19:36 You really need to listen to your wife because you are upsetting her. You need to change your attitude. That is a good friend, isn't it? He wasn't just gonna go along with what the other person wants to hear, but they'll actually challenge them. I like that.
Andy 19:50 We'll finish this part there.
Jo 20:06 How do people talk to you normally? Do they talk in burning bushes.
Dave the Dog 20:09 Sit.
Jo 20:10 Sit.
Dave the Dog 20:11 Fetch
Jo 20:11 Fetch.
Dave the Dog 20:13 Know what I say back?
Jo 20:14 What do you say back?
Dave the Dog 20:15 You chuck the stick? Get it yourself!
Jo 20:23 Dave, are you there?
Dave the Dog 20:25 Ar, I'm here ar.
Jo 20:26 Oh, hello, Dave. Oh, I think we've got the same problem as last week. I can't see you.
Dave the Dog 20:31 Have you opened your eyes?
Jo 20:33 Yes, I've opened my eyes!
Jo 20:40 You name it. He could play it.
Dave the Dog 20:43 Pipe Organ.
Jo 20:43 Pipe Organ? Yeah, with all the pipes?
Dave the Dog 20:45 Lots of buttons, like a spaceship.
Jo 20:47 Spaceship?
Jo 20:48 Yeah, you're looking good. Have you done something to your hair?
Dave the Dog 20:52 I had me hair sorted.
Jo 20:53 You had your hair sorted?
Dave the Dog 20:54 Went to the dog groomers.
Jo 20:55 Cor, brilliant. You look great.
Dave the Dog 20:57 Thankyou.
Jo 20:57 It's good to see you.
Jo 21:04 Do you know what your name means Dave?
Dave the Dog 21:06 Dave.
Jo 21:07 Dave. It just means Dave.
Dave the Dog 21:08 Yes.
Jo 21:09 Well I looked it up and it's short for David, and it means beloved. It means you're lovable.
Dave the Dog 21:15 Long for D
Jo 21:17 Long for D.
Jo 21:23 Big long stick to help him protect his sheep.
Dave the Dog 21:28 I like sticks!
Jo 21:28 You like sticks?
Dave the Dog 21:29 you gonna throw a stick?
Andy 21:51 And we're back. Tips and Resources.
Jo 21:53 Yes.
Andy 21:54 You made it back in time
Jo 21:55 I did make it back in time! Tips and Resources. So we're thinking about friendships. And we, we thought that prayer was really, obviously, key. Prayer is always key! But if we source it Stormy Omartian has books on A Praying Wife and A Praying Husband. And I suppose, if we wanna speak into our partners lives, we need to be praying and be, you know, with God. 'Cos you know, we can't say, hey, you shouldn't be hanging around with that person because that's not very helpful if we're not praying about it. And, and sometimes you need not have to say anything. So, if you pray about it, sometimes your wife or your husband will realise that perhaps I'm not keeping good company. Whether it's work colleagues. Whether it's new relationships they've, they've brought, started up or brought into the relationship.
Andy 22:40 Prayer is super powerful.
Jo 22:40 Yeah, absolutely praying, and praying for our other halves. Also, I was thinking, fantastic examples of friendships in the Bible, David and Jonathan. I mean, they just really hit it off straightaway. And I think, sometimes, that's a real friendship. Often people say, we just hit it off, we just kind of clicked. And that, that feels like a really good relationship. And they really loved each other. And they had each other's back, literally in lots of battle, didn't they? And that's what it's about. A brother, is it, a friend sticks closer than a brother. And that is a real example, Jonathan and David through real adversity and difficulties, and putting each other first even before culture and family and things I think as well. That's a real, so go to the Bible. Is it? Where will that be? It will be in Samuel, won't it? Jonathan and David?
Andy 23:26 Yes.
Jo 23:26 But we recommend you read about that particular friendship
Andy 23:30 You can go and seek it out and let us know where it is when you found it, so we know you found the right one.
Jo 23:35 Jesus, obviously, throughout all the the gospel messages, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, will talk about his friendships with those who He is close to, plus the 12. So it's worth looking into how Jesus was and how he chose those friendships.
Jo 23:50 And, thirdly, is the Skit Guys. And the skit guys have been going for about 25 years, haven't they? As long as we've been married, I think.
Andy 23:58 I can't remember?
Jo 23:58 I think so. And but they've known each other since school. And they've been really good friends. And I think they've got a book about their friendship. It's Tom and Eddie. So check out the Skit Guys. And you could learn a lot awful lot about friendships through through them.
Andy 24:12 You can indeed. Skit Guys are great 'cos one of them lead the other one to church, to Christ. So there's a really good example of a good, good friendship, good relationship, and they support each other in marriage and stuff which is great.
Jo 24:24 And if you look at their material, there's a real respect for their wives, for women, and stuff like that. So you can see that they're good for each other.
Andy 24:30 So yeah, so I was thinking about, I don't know if you've ever done this on Facebook. It's not a Facebook, digital things, it's allright. But sometimes, in Facebook, you have a bit of a purge don't you? You're going through and you think, 'do you know what? I haven't spoken to that, who is that person even? I don't even know who that person is.' And every so often we do this, and we go through Facebook, you have a bit of a purge and you dump all these people. And it's not being cruel. It's just these people are not part of my life. Maybe you're a Facebook hoarder and you want as many friendships as you can. But the only people we have on our Facebook wall are people that we want to have, as you know, communication with. And I would suggest go through your real world friendship list, and have a bit of a purge on that. Are there people in there that really pull you away from your wife, or Jo from her husband? Are they? Are they building you up in your marriage and encouraging you in your marriage? Or are they trying to eat away 'cos they just don't like who youe married?
Jo 25:28 Yeah.
Andy 25:28 You know, those are people that you don't need. Jo always speaks about drains and radiators. There are people who radiate warmth towards us. And there are people who like drains or just just suck away our joy and our energy. And it's not about abandoning people. It's not about becoming, somehow, like some sort of weird hermit who never sees anybody. But have a think and pray through your friendships and just think, are these people really benefiting my marriage. Because it's one thing not to have some't to do with somebody that's not being beneficial. But if somebody's being detrimental, that's someone you don't need in your life.
Andy 26:02 Here's a nice, chewy, one. So, you've got a really good friend that your spouse hates. What are you going to do about it? They really, the skin crawls? What do you do? Do you put your spouse first? Or do you put your friend first? Pray about that one!
Andy 26:16 Broken Dreams, and Hope! is a new book. My first very, very first book, that I have ever written. And it's all based out of the fact that in life we have hardships, and we have difficulties. We have things that will break us physically, emotionally, mentally, financially. There are these things that can come along that can cause us immense hurt and pain.
Andy 26:35 Maybe we've made a mistake, we've done something wrong, we have to face the consequences of that. We get broken.
Andy 26:41 Maybe we've just been caught up in a tragic accident and we've been accidentally involved in something that was nothing to do with us. It breaks us.
Andy 26:50 Broken Dreams, and Hope! is a book that I've written specifically because I've been through some difficult times.I've been broken. But, despite being broken, there was hope. And that hope has a name.
Andy 27:02 Broken Dreams, and Hope! is all about the fact that no matter how broken we may have been there is still hope, and that hope has a name. And that name is Jesus Christ.
Andy 27:25 And we're back for the nameless section. It's The Take Away. I've really got to credit a jingle. I say this. How many? There's about 13 episodes, 'I really to create a jingle' and I still haven't done it. Anyway, welcome to The Take Away, where we look at what we've talked about, and we talk about it again. But in condensed forms.
Jo 27:41 Yes. So what are we taking away?
Andy 27:44 I need a cup of tea! S,o here's the thing. We looked at our friendships. We looked at the fact that there are really good friendships, and really detrimental friendships. And we've looked at just a teeny, teeny tiny number of what Scripture says. Actually, the Bible has loads to say, on good friendships, bad friendships, what we need to be steering clear of, what we should be working towards. And we've also looked a little bit about the fact that when we get married, we're bringing friendships into our marriage. There's, you know, there's no reason why one of Jo's friends can't become a really good friend of mine. I mean, it might be a little bit inappropriate if they're female. But there's no reason why Jo's friendships can't be my friendships, or our friendships. And that's okay. But actually, we need to be careful about the friendships that we are bringing in. Are they friendships that are gonna build our marriage? Or are they friendships that actually may well be quite detrimental and quite harsh?
Jo 28:37 Yeah. And you were saying in the last segment was about actually praying about it. And it reminded me of the fact that we had a purge on, on DVDs. We were thinking we shouldn't be watching them. And it's not like throwing out people. It's not quite the same. But, you know, you do need to be, 'cos. You know, this is, waht is it? We work out our salvation with trembling. And, as we're saying, the reason why we do this Marriage Matters it's, you know, it's a precious, precious relationship that has been given to us by God. It's a real privilege, and an honour, to be part of a marriage, isn't it? And it's meant to be to death do us part. And we need to do all that we can to keep that going. And the enemy wants to stop it. Things come in and distractions and problems. And we know we know from society that there are a lot of divorces aren't there? A lot of problematic marriages. And so we don't want anything to get in the way of, of having a good quality, happy marriage, really.
Andy 29:31 There's so many things that can get in the way of the friendship that Joe and I have. The relationship we have. The intimacy, spiritually, physically. There's so much that can come to divide. What we're saying is, make sure you haven't got friendships who are helping that divide grow. That's probably the simplest way of putting it. So, what's your takeaway then dear?
Jo 29:52 You got in first and you? I was surprised at how much there is in the Bible about friendships, and just how important they are. There's lots isn't there! Lots of examples, lots to help us. And lots that don't necessarily speak specifically about friendship, but definitely guides us. And so definitely recommend just, you know, seeing it seeing friendships in, in the Bible to help us keep going. So yeah, I think that that's that struck me. But it actually. I do feel challenged, like to think about the friendships I have, and make sure they are actually helping me rather than hindering. That's a real challenge actually.
Jo 29:54 I did my Take Away before you got to yours so you don't have to ask me now.
Jo 30:33 Friend or Foe. Interesting.
Andy 30:34 Friend or For? Yes.
Jo 30:36 Something to really think about? We were talking about, what was it? Affair Proofing our marriage in one of the episodes. And it almost sort of sticks in with this, doesn't it? Because, actually, you know, if you've got friendships that aren't good, that could be going in the wrong direction, towards an affair, or, or just coming out of the relationship. So, it's important, the people we hang with. It's not when you're young, because we talk about peer pressure, don't we when we're young? And oh, yeah, I got into trouble with the police because I was hanging with the wrong people. But we're, you know, in marriage, it's the same, isn't it?
Andy 31:06 It doesn't change.
Jo 31:06 It doesn't stop. You need to watch who you hang with!
Andy 31:09 Absolutely. If you've got, you know, you get married, and you've got a house and your wife moves in with you. And you've always got your friends coming in and out. You know, they need to know the can't, unless your wife is really happy with that. Because now everything's different. And it's good when you get married. Things are different. But,
Jo 31:25 Yeah.
Andy 31:26 It's different. It changes. And with that change is good.
Jo 31:28 Yeah.
Andy 31:29 S, thanks for joining us for another awesome episode of Marriage Matters, talking about matters of the marriage that matter because Marriage Matters.
Jo 31:37 Thank you for joining us. My name's Jo.
Andy 31:39 And I'm Andy. Bye for now.
Jo 31:40 Bye for now.
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