Marriage Matters, From this Day Forward, S1, E2

Or perhaps we could title this “2 + 1 =5”

Andy and Jo are thinking about how 2 become one, 2 halves make a whole, 2 become one flesh, 1 + 1 = 1, or is it 2 + 1 = 5? You will just have to join Andy and Jo to find out what this maths is all about!

To put it more simply, when making a marriage commitment, you go from being just you and from this Day Forward, as they say, you are a couple, a pair, married persons.

What does this mean for us as individuals?

How will our faith, prayer life, Christian walk be affected?

What happens to me, I, Moi….?  

Jo and Andy open up about some of the challenges they faced and what worked.

Andy and Jo

Resources and Tips

Books

The Song of Songs, by tom Gledhill

You can Watch the video, Listen to the Audio, or Read the transcript – below!

Watch

Listen

[buzzsprout episode=’9362666′ player=’true’]


Buy Me A Coffee

It’s thirsty work making stuff for the Berry Bunch Ministry. Do you want to Buy Me A Coffee?


Read The Transcript

Introduction

Andy

Welcome to Marriage Matters. My name’s Andy. 

Jo

And I’m Jo. 

Andy

And we are talking about things that all to do with the matter of marriage.

Jo

Yeah.

Andy

Hence marriage matters. But if you’d like to not miss out on anything that we are up to, and doing, with our ministry – BerryBunch.family – you can Like us on Facebook. You can Subscribe to our YouTube channel and even best, even better, best, best of all, even better than that would be go along to our website, www.berrybunch.family, signup to that, and then you’ll never miss anything. 

Jo

Yeah, well, now we’re going to be on Marriage Matters and you can get that from the website as well, and what we want to do is talk about marriage. We are celebrating our 25th anniversary, 25 years of being married and we thought because of that we would, we would do something like this. It’s a journey, and we hoped you’d come along along with us so we can learn something together about what’s important in marriage. 

Now, last week we did longevity and the D word, the divorce word. And so we thought about some things that could help the marriage to keep going. And from that we talked about prayer being key as Christians, and you know that that that would be something we do together. But we thought about, gosh, it’s quite a big thing, isn’t it, to get married? What’s, what’s our title from from now on

Andy 

I wrote it down!

Jo

From here forward. 

Andy

No, yes, from this day forward which we took from the wedding vows, traditional wedding vows. From this day forward. Because we wanted to look at the whole thing of there’s two people and they’re separate individuals. And yet they get married. And according to Scripture, shall read that out?

Jo

Yeah, that’s good idea. 

Andy

So it’s in Ephesians, and Genesis as well. We’re gonna go tot Genesis. Oh.

Jo

Yeah, chap, chapter 2, 24. 

Andy

Chapter 2 verse 4. Oh no. I think. This is going well, isn’t it? Can I, can I just change me me page? 

Jo

Yeah, so in the beginning this is something about what marriage is in the Bible. 

Andy

What’s the scripture?

Jo

It’s Genesis 2, verse 24.

Andy

I was in the right place. Yeah, there we go. You see, it’s well scripted. You can tell this is done live can’t you! “So, for this reason a man” – this is Genesis 2 verse 24.

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh. 

And we read that also in Ephesians. And what we wanted to talk about was this journey of two people who are separately individuals. And they, individually, get married together, and all of a sudden there’s two people that are now one person. And our alternate title, which I came up, was 2 become 5, not ‘cos they have kids, but because you’ve got the husband and the wife, and you got the father, son and Holy Spirit. And then we realised actually it wouldn’t be 5, it’d be 4. Or maybe it’s 2 + 1 plus the 3 is 6. 

So we got a bit confused so we stuck with From This Day Forward. Because it’s the journey of how do you surrender some things? Because that’s important. You can’t just have two people joined together. That will never work, it doesn’t work.

But how do you lose some of yourself, because that’s what you’re supposed to do as a Christian. We’re supposed to die to self every day. 

How does that work in marriage? How do we lose parts of who we are, in order to be joined to somebody else, without losing who we are, and all that kind of stuff. 

Jo

I’m sure, yeah. 

Andy

And we’re going to talk about that. Nice and simple. 

Jo

Yeah, I’m sure it’s it’s. Yeah I’m sure it can be simple. But, it, there is some complexities there which will hopefully. 

Andy

It was simply in our heads when we planned it out.

Jo

But it’s in the Bible, isn’t it? It says 2 become 1.

Andy

Yes. 

Jo

So, we thought we’d tackle this issue. Whether you’re thinking about getting married or you’re already married, and wherever you are on the journey, it’s, it’s something to think about.

Let’s take a break. 

From This Day Forward

Jo

We deliberately take breaks, don’t we? Because it’s, it seemed complicated when we started to do maths. 

Andy

So I can write down what we’re supposed to do. 

Jo

With this but yeah, two become one. It says in scripture and it says early on in Genesis 2 about how this, is the significance of two people becoming one flesh, but it’s thinking about it, I suppose humanly, like hang on a minute. I’m an individual. I’ve got my own sort of feelings, and thoughts, and expectations, and, and and I want to be me.

But we know as Christians, we also need to be more like Jesus. And we’re like, how do we do this in marriage, isn’t it? That’s our question.

Andy B 

That’s the question that we were discussing!

So yeah, I, I’ll share this story from earlier in our marriage. We said this is about real talk and real life. I mean, we want to talk about real stories. There’s no point in saying hypothetically speaking, this is what could happen to you ‘cos that’s boring, so yeah!

So we hadn’t been married long and I said last week that one of the things I fell in love with with Jo was her passion for Jesus Christ.

So almost before I kind of had seen Jo, or had seen her as a human being, I’d seen this person with a passion for Christ, which was great. And that’s never diminished, by the way. 

But what I found in the first, I guess, it’s past that honeymoon period, a sort of 6 to 12 months. We we kind of settled down into life. I was driving trucks. Jo was shift working, and we’ve, we’ve, we’ve got a house, and some furniture, and it’s all that the nice stuff has kind of, not gone, but you’re into the the kind of the rest of your life part. Not the exciting getting married bit. 

And I remember, really distinctly, getting very worried that if I started to change and became a bit more like Jesus, Jo might decide that she doesn’t like what I’m becoming. ‘Cos maybe I’m going the wrong direction.

Or the other thing that, and this really used to worry me. I used to lay awake at night with this one, was Jo getting more like Jesus Christ, and then not liking me, because I wasn’t good enough now, because I hadn’t grown quick enough, or as much as Jo or whatever . And I I used to lose sleep over this. And it took me a long time to be confident that Jo loved me. It took me an awfully long time – I’m very, very insecure.

So, it took me a long time to trust that Jo actually loved me, and wasn’t just about to abandon me because she got bored of me. Which is nothing like Joe. That’s my issue, not hers. But I really wrestled with this, of well, we’ve got married and we’re one person now, but how does that work?

Does Jo like what I am? And I used to lie awake at night, sometimes, worrying about what you might think of me and what if I get something wrong, and all of a sudden you don’t like that. And, you know, it wasn’t so much worry about divorce at that point. It was more, what is she just doesn’t like me? What if, what if what she fell in love with is, is false or something, and I, I lost lots of sleep

Jo

Yeah, I mean it is difficult when you first get married. Because you have all sorts of fears and worries and anxieties. There’s a film, and there must be many films, where the guy gets cold feet. And they run don’t they. Like what am I getting myself in for?

So the fears and the worries on both parties, isn’t it, both men and women, at the start, before you get there, and then during. And, and so, like you say, after the honeymoon period? Or that, those early stages of of of of excitement. Then the real life happens, and and we have all these and it’s quite normal, isn’t it to have these? 

Andy

Yeah, yeah. 

Jo

Anxieties and worries. 

Andy

Yeah so, but I see I really wrestled with, I’m a Christian and I’ve got my own relationship with Jesus Christ. And Jo has got her relationship with Jesus Christ. And we’re coming together as 2 people who are now 1 flesh according to Scripture. So do we have 2 relationships with Jesus? Do we have 1? Do we have 3, 1 each plus 1 together?

And we had to work all, hence the mats. I didn’t do very well at maths, you can tell.

That’s, that’s what we were trying to wrestle with, and that’s what we thought we’d look about. Because 25 years on, I look back and think you prat Andy! What an earth were you worrying about? What was your brain doing?

Jo

Yeah

Andy

And, and I think for me, when we look at faith and life, one of the things we need to realise as Christians is we are supposed to die to self. We touched on this in the introduction. But we’re supposed to be changing. We’re supposed to be transforming. We’re supposed to be transformative. 

So, at the start of our genuine Jesus Christ, we’re supposed to be, almost unrecognisable, at the end because we’ve become the most like Jesus, and then we go to heaven. 

So how does that work in marriage? And that’s what I really wrestled with. Is how does that work? And how does that play out?

So, 25 years on, from my brain like things, and I look back and think, oh Andy, why why did you do that? Why did you think those things? Why did you allow those fears to grow?

‘Cos actually we are supposed to doe to self. And we are actually supposed to surrender a lot.

If you’re a Christian couple, and everything about Marriage Matters for Jo and I, we are a husband and wife. We’ve been married for 25 years. God is at the centre of all that we do. So everything that we are in Marriage Matters is everything that we have known, and experienced. And that’s that’s what we talk about. Because that’s our experience. And we are sharing our experience as two Christians. 

But I think about faith, and journeys, and what I wrestled with was how do I know that I can become more like Jesus, without drifting away from Jo. Did you have these thoughts? 

Jo

Well, I was thinking maybe it’s slightly different for me ’cause I, I, I, I was quite, like you say, passionate about Jesus, and I wanted to read my Bible and stuff. And so I, I suppose there were times when I wondered if I maybe wouldn’t get time what that I wanted. Like you know, because when you’re on your own, you get, you can read your Bible whenever you want. And whereas it’s different in marriage. Like you say there are some sacrifices, or there’s changes that you have to make.

And so I, I did get concerned, when am I gonna do this? How do I get this? How do I fit this in? How does this fit in with my new life with you?

So I I did get a bit worried about that. And, and yeah, I just wondered if, you know, if we weren’t on the same page. Now, I mean, in fairness when we first, if you remember when we were courting, or whatever the word is, when we were together before we’d got, got married, and we were getting to know each other a little bit, we did have, like, quiet times, and we used to read the Bible, and study the Bible, and things like that.

So, that was quite nice. And that was a good, sort of, way to go. But, obviously when you get married, and you’ve got a house, and you’ve got jobs, and and things like that, it was a bit more simplistic – when we weren’t, sort of, married and setting a life together.

Yeah, so I always wonder whether that was gonna get in the way. Where I want to read my Bible, or you don’t, or, you know, it’s like oh is this going to be a problem?

I suppose that’s what I thought

Andy

Yeah, I mean, I remember later on, when we had children and you were like ‘I can’t do my quiet time in the morning, and I haven’t got enough hours in the day to get up early enough.’

And I remember I was able to help you and say don’t worry about it. You’ve got a small child and you’re breastfeeding. Therefore you’re up at you know, 2:00 o’clock and 3:00 o’clock and 4:00 o’clock, and 5:00 o’clock in the morning. God really isn’t going to be upset with you for not having a quiet time at 6:00 o’clock, ‘cos you need your sleep.

Because, we’re supposed to treat our body as a temple, we’re supposed to care for it, and part of that is sleep. So, I remember I was trying to help you, and, but I was able, I did actually help you that time. I do help you other times too, but that was when I actually really did say look you’ve just got to relax with this. Your priority right now is not your relationship with God, because you’ve got a little child, who is utterly dependent upon you, and, actually when you looked at it from a different perspective and you saw the blessing of being up at 2, 3, 4, 5. You used to pray at 2, 3, 4, 5 in a, in a sleepy state and you did your quiet time differently.

And actually, that’s something that children certainly do, but marriage does it on its own anyway. It changes how you walk your life with Jesus Christ.

Jo

I, so, so what springs to mind is what Paul said. I’d rather not, you didn’t get married. You know, and you think, oh, why? ‘Cos you designate your time all to God I suppose.

Andy

1 Corinthians

Jo

Yeah, isn’t  it, and you think, oh no. But then, you know, obviously God loves marriage, and, and He He wants us to have to have these the relationships. So, so it’s OK. But I must admit I started to think. ‘Oh, will I be better off not being married’ if you like? 

Andy

I think part of Marriage Matters is us, saying, you know what this is, what we’ve been through, and we’re pretty confident now at 25 years, that if we’ve been through it, many others have been through it. Not everybody will – we’ve all got a different journey, but it’s it’s trying to normalise some of the stuff.

We’ve had chats with our boys, and these are things you’re likely to go through in your life, and they’ve come to me and said, oh, I went through that struggle and, because you told me that it was coming, and it was going to happen, I was ready for that. And it was, you know, this is changes in in bodies and all the rest of it. So, this is really part of what we’re trying to do. It’s saying, do you know what? There are times in marriage when you can be really worried.

But, I think the the real heart of this segment is, part of being a Christian, a follower of Christ, a disciple of Jesus, is you need to be changing. And if you are a husband and wife who both love Jesus, you should both be changing.

But I think the best example of why you shouldn’t worry about this bit, so much, is I used to deliver breastfeeding workshops, in another life. And one of the things we used to talk about was, to these new mums-to-be, how to breastfeed, how to express. And I used to work with midwives for quite a time. And it was really good fun. 

But we talked about the dad. And, well, what if the dad, you know, he, he’s gonna want to bottle feed because he’s going to want to bond with that baby? And I used to say the same thing every time, not to make the mums or cry, although they were very hormonal ”cos they’re really at the end of the pregnancies, so, they, you know, it used to make em cry. But it wasn’t my reasoning.

But I used to say, look, the dad is going to bond with the child. It’s just not going, to not, happen. And whether you’re breastfeeding, or you’re using the bottle, the dad’s gonna bond.

Because this is the little version of you! So, don’t worry about bottle feeding, over breastfeeding, or breast feeding over bottle feeding. Make the right decision for yourself ‘cos it was an informative programme that we were running. But, don’t worry about whether they’re going to bond or not bond. You need to do what’s right for you.

And, and breastfeeding is always going to be the better choice if you’re able to. Obviously many can’t. But that’s what we were trying to say to these new moms to be. And I think in the same way to new husbands and wives to be, I would say the same. Don’t worry about things that you can’t control.

If you want to develop your relationship with your other half, for me with my wife Jo, then me developing my relationship with Jesus, is never, ever going to be a problem in my relationship with Jo because if Christ is at the centre of your life, then me developing my relationship with God, God cannot go against His own nature or His own self, and cause Jo to be offended – by me getting a relationship with Jesus, that’s better.

That doesn’t mean to say that I can’t screw up. That’s different!

But, it does mean that if I’m trying to change my relationship with Jesus, then Jo will fall in, more in, love with me. And I’ve found the times when Jo’s been most passionate about me as her, husband, are the times when I’m most passionate for Jesus Christ.

Those are the times when it’s great. She’s really excited to be near me, and she wants to be around me and, you know, she wants to hold my hand and talk to me, look into my eyes. And that’s when I’m most excited for Jesus. 

So, 25 years ago I was panicked about those times being the ones when you would not be interested in me. But actually, in the reality, the more I get excited for Jesus, the more you get excited in me. Because the Holy Spirit in me is excited and that’s exciting the Holy Spirit in you, and, great.

Jo

Yeah, I was thinking then – it popped into my head. The other half, my, I always use the phrase my other half or better, sometimes people say, oh my better half. And so I find that quite funny, but there’s quite a nice way of putting it, isn’t it? Because you sort of, you know, the, the, the romantic thing is you complete me, or something like that. But, you know, actually there’s something about help, making each other better, aren’t they through the marriage?

Andy

Yeah. I think on that one it’s interesting because Jo does not complete me. Jo does not fulfil me. The only fulfilment I can ever have is from relationship with Jesus Christ.

If you’re going into your marriage, or you’re going, pursuing any marriage, in the idea that finding your husband, or your wife, is somehow gonna fill a void in you, that’s missing, you are going to fail. And you are going to be very, very, very disappointed, and very frustrated. Because you need to have your own relationship with Jesus Christ.

Marriage is an amazing blessing. But, I can’t look to Jo and make my relationship with Jesus right. 

And I don’t believe there’s any difference between a husband and a wife, who both love Jesus, and a husband and a wife where one doesn’t love Jesus, yet. Because I, I don’t think there’s any difference, because, at the end of the day, you should still be developing your relationship with Jesus Christ. And God will give you ways of growing that marriage, and that relationship. And that’s what we found. 

Jo

Yeah, I think we need to know your identity before you go into the marriage, don’t you! And there are some resources for that, but yeah, that’s that, and you said about that you need secure, secure in yourself and who you are as a Christian.

Andy

I couldn’t be secure in my relationship with Jo, until I was secure in my relationship with Jesus. And what getting married to Jo did, it didn’t shine a light on my insecurities about Jo. It actually hone a light on my own insecurities of my relationship with Jesus Christ.

And when I got that bit right, I stopped worrying about whether Jo was actually in love with me, or not, or get bored of me, or whatever. 

Jo

Shall we take a break?

Tips And Resources

Jo

Welcome back. And this is our Resources and Tips section. And I think Andy has something for us. 

Andy

I do. It’s not the most exciting book, at one level. It’s called The Message of the Song of Songs, by Tom Gledhill. It’s, it’s really a study book to be honest. It’s not a fictional or whatever. But, I don’t even remember who recommended this, or how I found this, and I bought it. And I’m really glad I did. Because it really unpicks the Song of Songs. 

And if we’re going to do, Marriage Matters, if you’re going to talk about marriage, the Song of Songs. We’re not going to go into it in any heavy degree.

But, the song of Songs is the book in the Bible, for married couples, period. So this is, er, really good. There’s loads of these around, but this is one that I found really helpful because it. The thing is, when you read the Song of Songs, it’s, it’s not written like any other bit of Scripture. It’s written very differently. And it’s very easy to getting lost in the language. And you’re thinking, you what? Her neck’s like a what? And, hang on!

So, actually, what this does, this book, really unpicks what are the Cedars of whatever they were? 

Jo

I remember, I’m sure you, like, wrote a little poem, like Song of Songs for me, 

Andy

Yes I did!

Jo

and you were, like, saying sort of all sweet things. And it was like, awe. It was quite romantic, and quite sweet. 

Andy

I’m trying to find the Song of Songs ‘cos it’s worth just, just reading a bit out. ‘Cos this is what I mean! And this is what this book did for me. It helped me understand when it talks about the wife, and who she is, and what she looks like, and all that.

Where’s it gone? The neck. 

“Your graceful legs are like jewels.”

I mean that kind of makes it, you know, it’s quite pretty. 

“Your navel is a “rounded goblet.”

What? So, this is really good! ‘Cos it helps you understand a lot of the imagery, and stuff and it really opened up the Song of Songs for me. It’s a really good book. Go off and read the Song of Songs. It’s in the Bible. It’s good!

But it helped me understand some, some of this stuff.

“Your head crowns you like Mount Carmel.” 

OK, now I want a caramel.

Jo

So we get to the bottom of it in that book. 

Andy

Get it. It helps. There’s lots of really good ones. Well, we’ll do loads later. But, that was, it was good ‘cos otherwise the imagery’s lost on us. 

Jo

Yeah, to be fair. 

Andy

In 2021 

Jo

So that book will help?

Andy

It helps

Jo

And you’ve got a top tip as well?

Andy

I’ve got a top tip. So, this came from last night, actually, when I thought Jo said something, and she didn’t. Well she did but he didn’t say what I thought she said. 

And one of one of the things that we’ve discovered over 25 years of marriage, is, there is this thing, that occasionally happens, called miscommunication.

And one of the things we need to remember, as Christians, is that as a Christian married couple, the devil wants to destroy the marriage. And he’s doing all he can to do that.. We’re not focusing on that tonight, or at all. But, miscommunication. It’s so easy when one of you is tired,  and we referenced this a little bit, but I’m going to get more detail just for this tip.

Because there was a period in our life where I was working, truck driving again. I was working, I dunno, 60, 70, 80 hours a week. I’d lost track. 

Jo was, we had a broken car we had. We had, we had a car and motorbike, and the car broke down. So, the motorbike was great for me, and not really good for Jo, and two kids. And she had to go from one city to another to get to work. So, she had to walk the children to school, walk into a train station, get a train, walk from the train station to her work and then back at the end of the day. And she was walking for, like, 3 hours each way, every day, for about 2 weeks while we were trying to get this car thing sorted. 

And we were the most tired we’ve ever been.

Jo and I both know what tired feels like. We’ve both done really, physically demanding nights, shift work. We know what tired is! This was beyond that!

And we were snapping at each other, and short tempered. And one of the things we realised is sometimes you can say something you don’t mean, not because you’re being nasty, or you want to hurt. You’re just tired, and it comes out wrong.

And the other day Jo said some’t and it, it, we didn’t go cycling. That’s all it was. I thought Jo said there’s no point in going cycling, it’s too late. It’s not what Jo said. It’s what I heard. 

And and my little tip is. When your other half says something to you, that you find really offensive, and it makes your blood boil, take a moment and just say “can I just check what you meant”?

That’s my little tip for this week, is just clarify. Because, it’s worth doing. And Jo likes me to be direct, so I can say “what did you say? I didn’t understand that.”

Instead I thought, well, I don’t want to upset, or offend her, so what I’ll do is say nothing. And then she came back and said, “are we going or what?” And then we have a little bit of a miscommunication. Mostly because of me.

Jo

You could have a whole thing on communication.

Andy 

We could have a whole series, seasons and seasons on communication. 

Jo

Shall we take a break? 

Andy

Let’s take another break!

The Take Away

Jo

Welcome back. This episode, From This Day Forward, isn’t it. Which is taken from the line from the contract, the, the marriage vows, isn’t it? 

Andy

Traditional marital vows. 

Jo

Yes, so we’re kind of looking at that. And thinking about what is it, does it really mean? We’ve talked about the scripture that says 2 people become 1. And and that sounds really deep.

And we got mixed up in maths and stuff like that. But we know and understand that we’re individuals, who bring ourselves up that, that marriage.

We’ve got our own individual relationship with Jesus, and how all that works out.

We’ve talked about some fears and worries and stuff like that haven’t we.

Andy 

Yeah, I think my my little Take Away for this one, is, when when life is getting difficult, and there will be miscommunications, it’s probably not gonna be the first few months. They’re probably quite nice, generally.

When those miscommunications come, I would really urge you to do one of two things. And they’re all Christian things anyway. It’s straight out the Bible.

But one of those is to take a moment to think, this is the person I’ve committed my life with. Who loves me. Who’s decided to give up their life to have one life with me? Are they really wanting to hurt me right now? Are they really? Because the reality is that if Jo says something to upset me, and I react badly, it doesn’t go well for Jo. So is she really gonna want to do something that’s going to hurt her? Ultimately.

And when we come back to Scripture. Jo’s body’s not hers, it’s mine. My body is not mine, it’s Jo’s. 

So does, does my wife, who loves me, who’s given me three children, a fourth who’s in heaven? Is she really wanting to hurt me right now?

Or have I misheard something?

But it, it takes a little bit of willpower. It takes some confidence in who you are to realise, that she does love me and, actually, maybe I just need to go back and say, can you just explain what you said? ‘cos I really wasn’t paying attention? 

Jo

Yeah

Andy

Whatever it was. 

Jo

I mean trust is important isn’t it in a marriage. And, and trusting one another. And believing in one another. And giving each other the benefit of the doubt, especially when you’re. 

Tired or whatever it might be. Yeah, that’s definitely a really good tip. 

Communication and give, give each other the, the space and and the opportunity to, to seek out what’s really going on ‘cos we don’t always get it right, do we? 

Andy

No you don’t.

OK, Andy’s difficult question.

What’s, what’s the most difficult moment of your marriage in relation to me not believing you, that you love me? 

Jo

Oh, I found it quite frustrating for a, for a while to be honest. 

Andy

You mentioned that. 

Jo

Uhm, but yeah. I suppose it’s just constant, I suppose regularly asking me.

Andy

Do you love me? Are you sure you love me? Do you love me? 

Jo

And the trouble is I don’t respond well to that do I? Because it’s like, well, if you don’t know then there’s no point me telling you, which maybe not the most helpful way, so.

Andy

I had some insecurities when I got married. I’m really glad we got married when we did. It was good but, yeah, I, I had a, I had a real thing for asking if you loved me still. Do you still love me. 

Jo

Yeah, it’s, it’s difficult being on the receiving end ‘cos, one, you think, you know what, haven’t I told you enough times. Or is there, did I not? We’ve got married, you know. Was that not enough for you?

But also, yeah, I suppose it’s like you might start to doubt whether the other person trusts. But then I knew, I understand where you were coming from. So, I never, I never really put it down to you. I knew you were struggling with it. But yeah, it was a bit frustrating, but I, I, I understood that you needed time to.

Andy

I haven’t asked you for a long time now. 

Jo

No. I know, You’ve grown up.

Andy

Thank you. I dealt with that a long time ago. So, there’s that.

And I think the other thing is when you’re looking at, if you’re thinking about marriage, should we, should I be looking for a marriage, or one of them? Should we get married or should I be thinking about a marriage? I haven’t got a boyfriend or a girlfriend, but you know, should I think about marriage?

And I would say this and it’s again straight out of Scripture. And I’ve given this advice to our own boys, well the older two. Peter’s a little bit too small yet. But I said this.

There were two sexual states in life according to Scripture. There is married, and there is non married. And, as we read in 1 Corinthians

Jo

Which one?

Andy

1 Corinthians is quite a big book isn’t it! 

Jo

Yeah. To be fair. 

Andy

1 Corinthians 7. The one that gets people a bit twitchy, but it, it was really, it’s. Go off and read 1 Corinthians 7. Try not to twitch too much. It’s good, but it’s all good

But, what was I saying? I’m just getting lost again. 

Jo

Two states of being

Andy

Two states. So there’s being sexual, so that’s marriage. Or non-sexual, which is not married. And they’re both, as Paul points out, in 1 Corinthians 7, which is what I was trying to say, they’re both good.

In fact, he would wish that more people were not married. So don’t look at marriage as somehow fixing something. ‘Cos marriage cannot fix whatever is missing in your life.

If you’ve got a void in your life, the only thing that could fix that is Jesus Christ, and a relationship with Him.

So don’t look to your wife, or your husband, to meet that need. Because they’re going to fail. And you’re gonna be disappointed. And they’re gonna be hurt. 

The only thing you can do, as a Christian, is to get closer to Jesus Christ, by getting closer to Jesus Christ. There you go!

Jo

That’s it, isn’t it? 

Andy

That’ll be it! And go and read 1 Corinthians 7. It’s really good. 

Jo

Oh, I didn’t know we did homework. We do tips and resources and now homework. 

Andy

Homework. Well, you see. Home education you see. Setting the boys homework.

So, there you go.

Yeah give each other the benefit of doubt. I’m gonna finish this one. 

There’s this crazy thing about, well, let’s show grace. Let’s be grace. And there’s an element of truth in let’s show grace. But we need to be careful that we don’t misapply showing grace to mean, somehow, that we are God, and we’re given grace to people. That’s not what we’re talking about. But the showing grace part, which I think is relevant, is saying Jo loves me. She’s committed her life to me. So, if she said something which is hurting me I need to find out if she wanted to hurt me. And it’s not very often when you do. And it’s usually out of some’t I’ve done.

But out of the blue, generally, Jo doesn’t, she’s not the sort of person to go out and hurt me, because she feels like it. Because it’s not good for her. Because it bounces back. And again, if she’s hurting me, she’s hurting the thing that she’s supposed to care for.

And if I hurt her, I’m, the only thing I’m supposed to most care for.

So, don’t worry about losing yourself. Lose yourself into Jesus Christ, and you will never lose your identity. Because in Jesus Christ you’ll find the perfect identity of who you are. 

Jo

Good stuff

Andy

There you go. That’s Marriage matters. 

We’ve got links and stuff for all the scriptures, and the resources, and we will be back for more. 

Jo

Thanks for joining us. Bye for now. 

Andy

Bye bye.


If you’re following us on Social Media, make sure you don’t miss out, by signing up to the BerryBunch Monthly Newsletter.

Buy Me A Coffee

We love what we do, and hope you do too! If you’re enjoying our free resources, Buy Me A Coffee to help sustain this work.


Share this Post

Leave a Reply