You can Listen, Read, or Watch, the video. Andy B and Jo talk candidly about their own experiences of sickness in their marriage from Andy’s hospitalisation on their honeymoon, various ailments, and illnesses, through the years and, more recently, Covid affecting the whole family.
Looking again at marriage vows which call us to commit to each other through the good times and the bad, Andy and Jo focus on health-related issues in marriage.
As always, Andy B gives us direction in this area of marriage through the scriptures, beginning with a favourite at weddings: 1 Corinthians 13:1-7 – all about love - ties in nicely with Valentine’s Day! And Andy B reminds us of how there is no greater love than when someone lays down their life – like Jesus did for us – Romans 5:7 In this week’s Marriage Matters, we consider the benefits of looking after each whether you, or your spouse, face emotional, mental, spiritual, or physical sicknesses. Check out the bible verses in our resources section below to encourage you to have and to hold your spouse in sickness and in health!
Resources and Tips
Do something practical for your spouse this week – put their needs before your own – do something that might inconvenience you – selfless love.
Reflect on these scriptures to assist you in putting your spouse first:
- Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
- Ephesians 5:28-30
- 1 Corinthians 7:4
Andy and Jo
Andy 0:41 Well, hello, and welcome to Marriage Matters.
Andy 0:44 My name's Andy and this is
Jo 0:46 Jo
Andy 0:46 Jo, my wife. There you go! So, this is Marriage Matters where, we talk about all sorts of things to do with marriage that matter.
Andy 0:54 Yeah.
Jo 0:55 Marriage Matters, matters matters of the marriage, 'cos itmatters. I'm working on a new tagline and it isn't very good.
Andy 1:02 So, if you'd like to stay in touch with all that we do, and don't want to miss out anything. Then you can like us on Facebook., You can subscribe to our YouTube channel, and we've got lots and lots of different things. And the best thing you can do is to Sign Up to the newsletter on our website. We have a monthly newsletter and other stuff that comes out, so you'll never miss a thing.
Jo 1:22 Yeah, ever. Absolutely. So Marriage Matters!
Jo 1:25 We've been away for a while. We're back, with, we're looking at the, you know the marriage vows? it says til, what's it, through sickness and in health. And that is actually one of the reasons why we've not been around for a while, because we've experienced some illness in the family
Andy 1:40 A little bit.
Jo 1:41 A little bit.
Andy 1:42 Yes, a little bit.
Jo 1:43 And so we wanted to focus on that and think about that. We had some experiences when we first got married. There've been ups and downs throughout the 25 years. And, more recently, we'd like to talk about that, share that. And I'm sure you've got your own story to tell.
Andy 1:57 Painful stories that make you twitch.
Jo 1:59 Yes! But yeah, marriage is in sickness and in health. It, that's no two ways about it. It's not always easy!
Andy 2:08 It aint all plain sailing. It's not all roses and fresh lemonade.
Jo 2:12 No.
Andy 2:13 It can be really, really hard work. And it can be really, really wonderful. But, the thing about marriage is, because it's supposed to be until death do us part, as we get older, we're going to become less well. We're going to become, eventually, probably, infirm in some way, unwell. So, in sickness and in health is really quite appropriate.
Andy 2:31 But, it isn't just about when you get older. On our honeymoon, I was, I had to go to hospital 'cos I wasn't very well. Not really the, the greatest of starts for a marriage. But hey, so yeah, that, that was at the start. Do we do that now or later.
Jo 2:51 I think well, we can share a bit more about it later.
Andy 2:53 We'll share a bit more later. But that, that was the start of our marriage. Not the very, very start. But pretty soon after. We were finding a local village hospital.
Jo 3:03 Yeah
Andy 3:03 'Cos I couldn't breathe.
Jo 3:05 Yes.
Andy 3:05 We'll come back to that. We'll circle around.
Jo 3:08 Yeah
Andy 3:08 Put a pin in it.
Jo 3:09 But I mean, the vows, they, they're not scriptural. But, there's some principles in it in there. It's about a commitment. It's about a promise. It's, and we've got some great scriptures to hook in with.
Andy 3:20 We have!
Jo 3:20 So it's 1 Corinthians 13, 1 to 7 isn't it.
Andy 3:24 I had it all ready.
Jo 3:24 You've got it all organised.
Jo 3:25 I had me little tassel thingy. So 1 Corinthians 13.
Jo 3:30 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong, or a clanging cymbal.
Andy 3:39 I once heard somebody say the modern version might be a plumber's bag of tools that had been dropped on a hard concrete floor.
Jo 3:45 Ooh, ow!
Andy 3:46 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries, and all knowledge. And if I have faith that can move mountains, but have not love I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor, and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love I gain nothing.
Andy 4:03 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
Andy 4:20 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Jo 4:26 Yeah.
Andy 4:27 Always perseveres is kind of the point of the sickness part of, in sickness and in health.
Jo 4:32 Yeah, a lot of weddings will read that scripture, won't they? Whether people are Christians or not, and it is a beautiful piece.
Andy 4:39 It's a happy bigger scripture, but
Jo 4:41 But there's some depth isn't
Andy 4:42 Yeah
Jo 4:42 Which is what we want to go in to a bit more. And the other scripture is, is you're looking for those at Romans 5, 7?
Andy 4:49 Yes, that's where I was going. I wasn't going to the other one.
Andy 4:52 So, very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. Roman 5, verse 7.
Jo 5:01 And that is, it's a, yeah it's a sacrificial love isn't it? Which is what we're talking about, when we're thinking about sickness and health. It is sacrificial. It's unselfish isn't it. It's a beautiful kind of love that happens in couples.
Andy 5:14 Can I just say that as we go through this episode, it's gonna sound like I've been ill really, really badly. And Jo's been really healthy, and it's not quite like that.
Jo 5:21 No, no./
Andy 5:22 But the worse stories tend to be of me.
Jo 5:26 Oh.
Andy 5:26 Which I think's a bit harsh. But hey, there you go. Life is life.
Jo 5:31 Yeah.
Andy 5:31 Shall we have a little, miniature break?
Jo 5:32 Yeah.
Jo 5:44 So in sickness and in health. We're talking about some of our own experiences, and I'm sure you have your own stories to tell.
Andy 5:52 The stories that make you twitch?
Jo 5:53 Yeah. And we've talked about some physical ones, but it's not just physical, it's emotional, mental and, and in fairness, if you are affected physically, it affects you emotionally and mentally, as well. Anyway. But, yeah, all kinds of different health issues. So, we're going to share the one when we first got married.
Andy 6:11 Yeah. So Jo knew that I was an asthmatic, and I wasn't really a very severely suffering asthmatic. I barely knew where my inhaler was. But, as is the case quite frequently, with holiday cottages and homes, and we'd rented one for a couple of weeks for our honeymoon. The owners tend to turn the heating off when it's not in use, which makes sense at one level from a financial point of view. However, the big problem with that is that getting hot, and getting cold, in the in the property, is the perfect breeding ground for dust mites. And we had quite an extreme version of dust mites. And I was really not breathing very well.
Andy 6:50 So, they were in the pillows, and the duvets, and the bedsheets, and the curtains. And it was, it was quite bad. So, we had to get a taxi, 'cos we didn't know the local hospital was. We knew there was one, just not where it was. So, we got a taxi to the hospital.
Andy 7:05 I was put on a nebulizer, for only the second time in my life. Once when I was seven. And once on my honeymoon. But, anyway! And then we got back and Jo was hoovering the bed, hoovering the pillows, freezing the pillows. Little top tip. If you've got dust mites, freeze your pillows. it kills them off. And that was a baptism of fire, I suspect.
Jo 7:26 Yeah, absolutely!
Andy 7:28 But hey, it, it wasn't fun at the time. But, it is now.
Jo 7:33 Yeah.
Andy 7:33 Because it's a story that you remember.
Jo 7:34 Yeah.
Andy 7:35 Do you remember that time on our honeymoon when you had to take me to hospital, because I couldn't breathe. You know it's funny?
Jo 7:39 Yeah, it does it and it brings you together, doesn't it? The good times,
Andy 7:43 It does something
Jo 7:43 And the bad times. And the bad times can sometimes really bring you together. And they challenge us. But that's that's what marriage is about isn't it! Looking after each other through those times.
Jo 7:57 And we have other, other stories to tell. And, throughout the 25 years, that, I mean, obviously there's been ups and downs. And what I find interesting, is that it's usually is any one of us is ill at a time isn't it.
Andy 8:07 Yeah.
Jo 8:07 And it's great when you've got children. So, when one's down, the other person can help the other. But that was very different when we got COVID.
Andy 8:14 So, November 2021. Our 25th anniversary, which was really exciting.
Andy 8:19 We had all these plans, do all sorts of things to mark 25 years of marriage. And we marked our 25th anniversary, in bed, with COVID.
Jo 8:29 Yeah.
Andy 8:30 Which, it wasn't very much fun, I will be honest! My COVID, in particular, we all get through COVID fine, but mine ended up as a lung infection, which was less fun. The timing of the lung infection was the night, going into the day of our anniversary, when I was really not breathing very well. And Jo was actually watching over me. Exhausted with COVID itself, and actually stayed awake, all night long. So the first 10 hours of our anniversary, from midnight onwards, was Jo watching my breathing.
Jo 9:01 Yeah.
Andy 9:01 Now that's in sickness. That wasn't health.
Jo 9:04 No.
Andy 9:05 But and she, made me a little a little green heart, which we'll show you later, to try and cheer me up. But that was, that was our anniversary.
Jo 9:11 Yeah.
Andy 9:12 It ain't what was scripted?
Jo 9:14 No, and it is difficult, but that, that's what love is about. That's what marriage is about. That's life, isn't it? And we look after our children when theyre, they're not well, and we look after each other. And it, as I say, it does bring us together. And we laugh about it afterwards.
Andy 9:32 I do now. I didn't at the time.
Jo 9:34 Yeah. But that, but it's not just the physical ailments, is it. It's also the emotional, the mental and, and, spiritual as well. We've had all kinds of ups and downs with that. And how we help each other along the way, isn't it.
Andy 9:48 Yeah, so I had to have some therapy. Not 'cos of Jo! So, I'd realised I had some childhood traumas to work through, and the doctor had picked it up. And I went on this therapy, which was really, really good actually. But it's about it's about an 18 month therapy course. It's extremely intensive, CBT PTSD. There you go. That's what I did for 18 months. But I didn't do it for 18 months, because it was actually nearer to 13 months.
Andy 10:16 I was told at the start, you can't short circuit this. When you start, it's 18 months. That's the end of it. It doesn't take less, it doesn't take longer. And I did it in 13 months. The reason was twofold. One, I got a group of people praying.
Jo 10:29 Yeah.
Andy 10:30 Always good. But, actually, my therapist, who was a professional therapist with the local health service, she said that Jo, my wife, had, had basically knocked off all the rest of the stuff, all the extra months I should have been doing because she'd done so much work at home with me, helping me to prepare. Not for this stuff. We didn't know it was gonna happen. But she'd done so much work with me, over the years, that it made it easy. So all these steps you have to go through, that you can't rush, we bypassed.
Jo 10:30 Yeah.
Andy 10:32 You can't bypass 'em.
Jo 10:47 And there's a lovely scripture that links in with that, doesn't it. 2 people together and
Andy 11:05 Yes.
Jo 11:05 that? Is it?
Andy 11:07 Ecclesiastes
Jo 11:08 Is it? It's Ecclesiastes isn't it.
Andy 11:10 Ooh, I like Ecclesiastes.
Jo 11:12 Yeah, and it's better to have two people isn't it, then than one person. And that is a lovely picture
Andy 11:18 Which chapter?
Jo 11:19 Is it Ecclesiastes you're looking for?
Andy 11:20 Yeah.
Jo 11:22 Verse, Chapter 4, 9 to 12. And this speaks of this. You got it?
Andy 11:28 Yep. So Ecclesiastes, Cchapter 3, Verses 9 through 12.
Andy 11:33 Two are better than one because they have a good return for their work. If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up. Also ifto lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Andy 11:56 And we've had that one put to the test more than once! For the observant among you, you may notice I now have a beard. And there is a very specific reason for this. A very medical reason for this. I don't shave anymore! Because another, In Sickness and In Health, moment, was, I had some heart issues not long after our anniversary. It wasn't due to COVID. It was due to stress, they said. There was plenty of stress going on in November. And, yeah, so I don't shave now because I'm on blood thinners. And they said if you're on blood thinners, the fastest way for a man to get to hospital, is to shave. So we don't shave no more me? No, I don't!
Andy 12:35 So I've now got a beard. And Jo has been great 'cos she's been really loving in the family are as well, the boys. They're really supportive and helpful. And, you know, if, if a chord of three is good, I mean, we've got a chord of six in theory.
Jo 12:48 Yeah.
Andy 12:48 With five of us and God. So, yeah, it was, it was rough. And now I don't shave. And, now, I have a beard.
Jo 12:55 Yeah.
Andy 12:55 But it's softer. It's not like, it's not like a wire brush now, so that's good!
Jo 13:00 Yeah.
Andy 13:00 But that's life. You can't
Jo 13:01 It isn't it!
Andy 13:02 bypass the problems. I remember when. have you ever been with anybody that's had the car broken down. "Oh, why does this have to happen now?" Well, if you tried to schedule your car breaking down, you wouldn't break down would you? And iIllness is exactly the same. You don't schedule these things. You just have to find a way of dealing with it as it comes up.
Jo 13:20 Yeah, absolutely! And doing that together, in marriage
Andy 13:25 Yes
Jo 13:25 Helping each other along the way. With whether it's emotional, mental, spiritual. Praying for each other. Just going out. Like when I was pregnant, you'd go out and get me the food that I wanted or whatever.
Andy 13:38 I was very greatful for 24 hour shops.
Jo 13:39 Not that that was sickness, particularly. I mean, that's like a normal thing. But, you know, there are
Andy 13:44 It wasn't an unhealthy sickness, but you weren't yourself.
Jo 13:46 Yeah, exactly. So, you know, there were things that you had to go out in the middle of the night and get things which I'm sure many can tell that story. And then, like you say, you can laugh about it afterwards. But, it,it does bring you closer together, doesn't it? And it shows how much we we love each other. And that's, that's important
Andy 14:05 We do love each other.
Jo 14:09 Yeah.
Andy 14:09 But this is the thing about In Sickness and In Health. And when we were reading that first scripture, which I will just flip back to from 1 Corinthians, we said that this is quite frequently used in weddings as a lovey dovey, think about, it's all good to be loved, and all that, and it's all true.
Jo 14:24 Yeah
Andy 14:25 But there's more to it, as ever, when you stop scratching the surface. I've lost what I was
Jo 14:31 1 Corinthians
Andy 14:32 There we go
Jo 14:33 13
Andy 14:34 Yeah, I was a page out. It's alright, I'm there!
Andy 14:37 So love is patient, love is kind, does not envy, does not both, is not proud.
Andy 14:41 This is all good stuff!
Andy 14:42 It's not rude. It's not self seeking. Not easily angered. Keeps no record of wrongs.
Andy 14:47 And this is a good reason why it's used in marriage sermon stuff, 'cos it's all good stuff.
Andy 14:53 Love doesn't delight in evil, rejoices with, doesn't rejoice, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Andy 15:01 And that, always perseveres part, really struck out at me? 'Cos I haven't heard that one talked about in the lovey dovey bit of a wedding. It's all about, you know, love each other and, you know, don't boast and be kind and all that stuff. And that's all right. It's good. But it always perseveres.
Jo 15:18 Yeah.
Andy 15:19 And it's really easy to have hard times, especially sickness, where you stop persevering.
Andy 15:25 We've got a book, and in the book is a story that I can't find, and I can't remember the book. We've just moved! But, there's this amazing story of this guy, I think it was the 1930s or 40s. And this couple had got married, and they've had the wedding, they've had the reception, and they're driving in their car, off to their honeymoon. And they get involved in a terrible, terrible car accident, and his wife is paralysed, I remember, I think, from the neck down. So, this is their wedding night! And as I recall this, this tale, if I can find the book, I'd read it out. But I can't remember! But, the the guy had to make a decision, 'cos they hadn't, they hadn't got to the honeymoon, yet. They hadn't finished the wedding, the legalities of the wedding.
Andy 16:11 Do I stay married? Do I divorce this woman because, well, what wife am I gonna have? And he made a really easy, conscious, decision to stay with his wife, and to, and to stay married. And he went on to write some amazing books. Which is frustrating me because I can't remember his name. It's important. But anyway, it doesn't always go the way we plan. And that's life. It's not even just about being married is it? You can get ill, and, all sorts of stuff goes wrong.
Andy 16:35 But, perseverance is so critical, because there's gonna be times when it's easy. People think of the honeymoon as great. I remember the Rend Collective. The guy with a beard and the girl. I'm terrible with names tonight, t's rubbish. Anyway, their, their wedding day was terrible. There was death, and all sorts of pandemonium, and, you know, and it's supposed to be the happiest day of your life. And she was in tears, 'cosit was just, it wasn't the best day of her life, in some respects. It was in others. And that's life.
Andy 17:07 But what do you do with what comes your way? And that's where In Sickness and In Health, until death do us part. That's where it really starts to kick in.
Andy 17:14 Yeah,
Andy 17:15 cuz it ain't all good.
Jo 17:16 Yeah. I mean, what's that phrase? What doesn't kill you makes you stronger or something? I don't know who said that. But, in a way, it strengthens your marriage doesn't it, what you go through. I mean, we went through a tough time when we first got married. And, and being ill, and going through those issues. it makes life harder and more difficult, whenever it happens.
Jo 17:37 But God is good! And God has helped us through it, particularly COVID, through that, sort of terrible, sort of two months where it just seemed to go on forever.
Andy 17:45 I'm laughing nervously.
Jo 17:46 Yeah, we can. Yeah, it's a bit too fresh. It's not that long ago yet. We can't laugh too much about it. But, yeah, that was a really tough two, three months. I mean, normally, you're ill for maybe a few days here and there. I mean, flu can knock you out for a week. But COVID does do a number and it did a number on us, as a whole family. And, like I say, normally only one of us is ill.
Andy 18:06 All 5 of us were ill at the same time.
Jo 18:08 We all went down and that was just a really crazy time. But, we all showed our love for each other in different ways. And we can look back at those moments, and those know that you, sort of knowing that we care for each other. And it's that caring and that, that selfless love, isn't it of going out and getting things, and doing things for each other. And not that we were very well at that time to help each other.
Andy 18:33 I'm rattling for a scripture that I can't remember.
Jo 18:35 Oh! Is it one we've written down?
Andy 18:37 Yeah.
Jo 18:38 We've got
Andy 18:40 Read them out. Let's go through them.
Jo 18:41 Yeah. So, this is for our Resources and Tips, towards the end. So, I don't know if you want it.
Andy 18:47 It wasn't that not one.
Jo 18:48 Ephesians 5, 28 to 30.
Andy 18:50 Can you tell that we haven't done this for a while.
Jo 18:51 Yeah, I know.
Andy 18:53 It's about the body one.
Jo 18:54 The body? Oh, oh, yes, I think we're going to. Yeah, that's the one that we're going to share at the end.
Andy 18:59 I know.
Jo 19:00 1 Corinthians 7, 4. It's, it's.
Andy 19:02 Thank you.
Jo 19:02 You want to share it now don't you?
Andy 19:03 I do.
Jo 19:04 It's important
Andy 19:05 Did you get that message. Here, 1 Corinthians 7, 4.
Andy 19:09 The wife's body does not belong to her alone, but also to her husband. In the same way the husband's body does not belong to him alone, but also to his wife.
Andy 19:18 Now this is in a wider passage, that's more to do with the sexual relationship. That's where it goes on to next. But, these verses, actually, are quite powerful in the respect of, when you're really, really ill, you need someone to help you. And it's really important that you don't just get selfish. And think well I'm just gonna cope and, and get through this. Because actually you have a responsibility.
Andy 19:40 When you have a child, that responsibility's much easier to be aware of. Because you've got this little helpless thing in front of you. But actually, there's a lot of synergy there with your, with your husband and your wife, because we're supposed to care for them, and not be so selfish about our own bodies. And that's really, really important! It's a really important principle, actually. And In Sickness and In Health, Jo put herself second. She looked after me first. She was ill with COVID. I was, we didn't know I was that ill, but I was slightly less well than she was at that point.
Andy 20:12 But, she sacrificed herself to care for me because my body wasn't my own. Her body wasn't her own, and she's caring for me. And, you know, it's really important that we don't get too into this idea of independent living, and all that kind of stuff. 'Cos a marriage is supposed to be a dependency upon one another.
Jo 20:28 Yeah.
Andy 20:28 And in the In Sickness and In Health, that's when it really kicks in.
Jo 20:31 Yeah. Isn't, doesn't the scripture sort of go on to say that, basically, if you look after your spouse, you're looking after yourself. Because, basically, you know, the depth there isn't there, then actually, you wouldn't be, . Yeah, you wouldn't be looking after yourself if you weren't looking after your other half. Because the one, the two become one. And so it, it makes sense.
Andy 20:52 It sounds good, but I can't find the scripture. Let's not say it's scripture. It's good advice.
Jo 20:56 Yeah. It's, you know, looking after each other because it's, it's beneficial, isn't it?
Andy 21:01 If you know what the Scriptures is can you let us know?
Jo 21:04 I thought we'd written it down.
Andy 21:05 Well we may have done.
Jo 21:06 Maybe we'll come back on it after the break with that one, when we've found it.
Andy 21:11 Oh, is it a break now?
Jo 21:12 Well, yeah, I think so. I think we're about time aren't we.
Andy 21:14 You see, it's been a while. We are a quarter of a year.
Jo 21:19 Yeah.
Andy 21:19 So, we haven't done any filming in November, or December, or January. We're now halfway through February.
Jo 21:24 Yeah.
Andy 21:25 And it wasn't all the way through October either. So, that's like a third of a year.
Jo 21:30 Yeah.
Andy 21:30 We're not quite this slick operation that we usualuly try and be.
Jo 21:34 So, let's pray. Andy's gonna come on and show us how to pray. Excellent. What, what, what have you got there?
Andy 21:41 It's my world's atlas.
Jo 21:42 Okay.
Andy 21:43 So I can pray for the world.
Jo 21:44 Okay.
Andy 21:45 You see. Prayer is good.
Jo 21:46 Right, okay. You gonna show us how to do that then?
Andy 21:48 Yeah, yeah. So, I've gone, I've got my Atlas. And if you go to the letter A, I'm gonna start here. So
Jo 21:54 yeah
Andy 21:55 Please, God, please. Bless Abenra4, and Arcshun and Arbor.
Jo 22:01 What did you like about the story?
Dave the Dog 22:03 Bob.
Jo 22:04 Bob? You like Bob?
Dave the Dog 22:05 And the stick? Me like sticks.
Jo 22:07 You like the stick.
Dave the Dog 22:08 Me likes sticks alot I do.
Jo 22:10 Well, okay, well, we'll try and make sure this more stories with sticks in.
Dave the Dog 22:13 Thankyou
Jo 22:13 Especially for you?
Jo 22:29 Hello,
Andy 22:30 We haven't been heretical. It's okay.
Jo 22:32 It's good!
Andy 22:33 We found the scripture, we did, Ephesians Chapter 5and verse 20
Jo 22:39 28 to 30.
Andy 22:40 Yes.
Jo 22:41 Yes.
Andy 22:41 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body. But he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church, for we are members of His Body.
Jo 22:57 It's really lovely, isn't it! A really work good way of looking at how, and why, we might look after each other. Yeah.
Andy 23:03 There's a bit of first aid, I suppose. The idea of putting yourself first is, it's good to make sure that you're, not to put yourself at worse risk. But, there's also an element of marriage of putting the other person first anyway.
Jo 23:15 Yeah.
Andy 23:16 I'm not gonna go there, honestly. But where would Jesus during COVID? Would he be in lock down? Or would he be with the vulnerable? There's one to consider! I'm not going there! Told ya!
Jo 23:26 This is the resources and tips sections isn't it? So, you've got something for us to think about haven't you?
Andy 23:31 Yes, I have!
Jo 23:33 About putting other, the other person first. Remember, you said?
Andy 23:37 Oh, yes!
Jo 23:38 It might be a good plan. mightn't it!
Andy 23:39 So, this get's good. So, I had a few ideas, because I can't remember the book!
Andy 23:44 We've moved house, it'll get better, don't worry.
Andy 23:47 Excuse me.
Andy 23:48 So, one of the things I'd thought about was putting your other half first. So, for me putting my wife first, in the next week, 10 days, month, whatever. Try and focus, I, I'd guess a week really. Try and focus on putting them first somewhere. So, is there something that perhaps you would normally think of yourself first. Maybe you choose the TV programme for the night? And maybe they're sitting across the room thinking, "I don't like this, is there something else?" Choose a different channel? What would you like to watch? Not very romantic. But hey! So that's one thing.
Andy 24:22 Another thing could be, would you like me to do the washing, in a particular way? It's the old dishwasher argument, when someone loads it and the other person reloads it. Every household's different. I'm the one that you should reloads the dishwasher and the washing machine, 'cos that's kind of my day job, looking after the family. But, do things for somebody else that you wouldn't normally do.
Andy 24:40 Here's some more examples for you. Practical ones.
Andy 24:43 Top up the screen wash, do the tyres, get the tire pressure sorted.
Andy 24:48 Park the car. When they arrive home, why don't you go and greet them, if you could. I wouldn't do it on a busy road but on a quieter road. It's just, find something practical, that you can do, to put them forward.
Andy 25:00 Here's another one for you. I really dislike mushrooms, in a way that I don't want to talk about. But, perhaps you could put some mushrooms in a meal for the person that likes them.
Andy 25:09 It's these other things about putting the other person first. There you go! Got any more?
Jo 25:16 So, you covered lots there didn't you? Putting, putting the other person first? I suppose getting up first for the drink, isn't it like the tea or the coffee in the morning.
Andy 25:25 So Jo gets up to go to work earlier than me. So, generally speaking, she'll get me a cup of tea.
Jo 25:30 Yeah.
Andy 25:31 But, we have quite a good dance, like most people after 25 years, 'cos she brings me a cup of tea and she doesn't expect much. She's a morning person. Having driven trucks I've been up all hours of the day. I've got up at every single hour on the clock. But, I'm not a morning person! So Jo brings me, usually a banana, a glass of milk and a cup of tea. And there isn't most spoken. But it's an act of service, 'cos I'm not really saying thank you. It's more like aaargh, can I go back to bed yet?
Jo 25:57 Yeah. So yeah, that's the little things that do help.
Andy 26:00 Yes.
Jo 26:01 So thank you. Yeah, Andy, that's a really good idea, that we should try and put each other first.
Andy 26:06 Do some't practical.
Jo 26:07 Yeah. And that's our sort of tip for the week, isn't it?
Andy 26:10 Is there another one?
Jo 26:11 That was the main tip, wasn't it? Oh, did you think you had a different one?
Andy 26:15 Can I have the book?
Jo 26:16 It was the scriptures again.
Andy 26:18 No, had another one?
Jo 26:19 Oh, right.
Andy 26:21 A basic one is pray for you, pray for your other half, innit? Actually put some time in!
Andy 26:27 It's really easy to pray when you're reminded to pray. "Oh, god bless Jo". That's fine. There's nothing wrong with that. But, you know, find a way that you're inconvenienced, in order to pray.
Andy 26:37 I was chatting with one of our boys the other day about getting on his knees when he pray. "Yeah, but I find it distracting 'cos it hurts".
Andy 26:43 Yes, but when you're on your knees, you're focused and you're concentrated. And there's actually a good reason why you have to get through the discomfort, to focus and concentrate. Yeah.
Jo 26:53 Yeah, I think, I think that's really helpful. I think one of the tips that we had in in one of the previous Marriage Matters, was, pray for your wife, and pray for your husband, those books.
Andy 26:56 Stormie Omartian.
Jo 26:59 Stormie Ohmarcia. Those books.
Andy 27:03 Stormie Omartian?
Jo 27:04 Stormie Ohmarcia, yes, that's right.
Andy 27:05 Stomrie Omartion. We can never, we're really sorry, we don't know how to say the surname.
Jo 27:08 But yeah, that is a real sacrificial love, isn't it? Because, I mean, we pray about lots of different things, but actually taking the time.
Andy 27:14 A Praying Wife, A Praying husband.
Jo 27:15 Yeah. And, you know, sometimes we, well, we kind of take each other for granted, or we kind of forget, you know,
Andy 27:22 It's not even necessarily taking for granted. Perhaps just forgetting
Jo 27:26 Yeah
Andy 27:27 What the other person does. So it's quick. It's a quick example that we've used, perhaps in the past. But, Monday to Friday, I was a stay at home dad. So I pushed the pram all week long. We get to Saturday, we might go out for a cup of coffee somewhere, well a cup of tea, and a coffee. And Jo would push the pram. And it was quite nice for me not to do it.
Andy 27:45 I didn't dislike pushing the pram, and I was quite happy to push the pram. I'd do it all the time. But, it was quite nice for Jo to push the pram for me. Now, for her, she got some time with her boys. But, actually, for me, it was it was quite nice to be able to walk along without pushing.
Jo 27:59 Yeah.
Andy 28:00 Prams are quite good in town centres. It's like a battering ram!
Jo 28:03 Yeah.
Andy 28:04 But it's, don't
Jo 28:05 It's the little things It doesn't have to be massive.
Andy 28:07 No!
Jo 28:07 And so yeah, really good good tip there, to put the other person first.
Andy 28:11 Here's another one. If you want to put a post it note, or a bit of paper in your, in your wife's lunchbox, just don't put it in between the sandwiches. 'Cos it goes soggy.
Jo 28:12 Ew!
Andy 28:19 Top tip!
Jo 28:23 Brilliant.
Andy 28:24 What's next?
Jo 28:25 What's next? Well, um, did you have another video to play or?
Andy 28:29 Yes. No, we did.
Jo 28:30 You're gonna do that at the end are we?
Andy 28:32 Dave.
Jo 28:34 Dave.
Andy 28:35 Dave's coming back. Dave the dog. This is Marriage Matters. So, it's kind of an adult thing, but Dave the dog is for everybody.
Jo 28:41 Yeah.
Andy 28:42 And we've missed Dave. Anyway. Dave the Dog is coming back.
Jo 28:45 Yeah.
Andy 28:45 We've got some more stories coming up.
Jo 28:46 Brilliant.
Andy 28:47 Dave the Dog's for everybody. He doesn't care.
Jo 28:50 Yeah.
Jo 29:05 How do people talk to you normally? Do they talk in burning bushes?
Dave the Dog 29:08 Sit.
Jo 29:09 Sit.
Dave the Dog 29:10 Fetch. Know what I say back?
Jo 29:13 What do you say back?
Dave the Dog 29:14 You chuck the stick, get it yourself.
Jo 29:23 Dave, are you there?
Dave the Dog 29:24 Are! I'm here, are.
Jo 29:25 Ah, hello, Dave. Oh, I think we've got the same problem as last week. I can't see you.
Dave the Dog 29:30 Have you opened your eyes?
Jo 29:32 Yes, I've opened my eyes!
Dave the Dog 29:33 Oh.
Jo 29:39 You name it, he could play it.
Dave the Dog 29:42 Pipe organ?
Jo 29:42 Pipe organ Yeah, with all the pipes?
Dave the Dog 29:44 Lots of buttons, like a spaceship
Jo 29:46 Spaceship.
Jo 29:48 Hey, you're looking good. Have you done something to your hair?
Dave the Dog 29:51 I had my hair sorted.
Jo 29:52 You had your hair sorted?
Dave the Dog 29:53 I went to the dog groomers.
Jo 29:54 Brilliant. You look great.
Dave the Dog 29:56 Thankyou.
Jo 29:56 It's good to see you!
Jo 30:03 Do you know what your name means Dave?
Dave the Dog 30:05 Dave!
Jo 30:06 Dave. It just means Dave.
Dave the Dog 30:08 Yes
Jo 30:08 Well I looked it up and it's short for David and it means beloved. That means you're lovable
Dave the Dog 30:15 Long for D
Jo 30:15 Long for D
Dave the Dog 30:23 Big long stick to help him protect his sheep.
Dave the Dog 30:27 I like sticks
Jo 30:28 You like sticks?
Andy 30:55 Bopping to the jingle. It's great, love the jingle. Took me ages to make that. Not the classiest. It works.
Andy 31:03 We've missed Dave.
Jo 31:04 Well, yeah
Andy 31:04 He's funny. So we've come to the end of Marriage Matters for this week. And we've been looking, today, at In Sickness and In Health. Because in life, whether it's marriage or not, things don't always go the way that we plan them to do. But the thing about marriage is God ordains marriage until death., That is his plan. It doesn't always happen. We're not gonna go around should you get divorced or not. It's a different topic for another, another time.
Andy 31:29 However, God's best is for the marriage to last until death. And part of that, which we read earlier from the scripture, was about persevering. Love, always perseveres. It's really easy, when times are tough illnesses, really hard to think, Oh, I just can't be bothered anymore. And I won't bother helping my wife. Or I'll just, you know, I'll do my own thing. And actually, we need to persevere. And it's really hard. But however hard it is, that's what love is.
Jo 31:57 And I think sickness, and times of difficulty, are great opportunities for God to teach us so much. And they're humbling experiences. They remind us of, we know we're here for a short time. Reminds us of our weaknesses.
Andy 32:13 We have some weaknesses.
Jo 32:14 Yeah. And God really speaks through those times.
Andy 32:17 Yes
Jo 32:17 Doesn't He! And I think we've learned so much, grown closer together as a couple, as a family and to God. And that's that's what's important, isn't it?
Andy 32:26 Good times are easy, that everybody wants a good time. I said this earlier that you don't schedule your car breaking down. It never breaks down when you want it to break down. And you don't schedule illness either. Things happen that are outside of your control. Just like an accident, illness can suddenly happen. You fall down and break your leg, or wherever. So it's how do you deal with those things.
Andy 32:46 And if you are loving towards your wife, in my case, if you're loving towards your other half then, actually, when those difficult times come, when you've got sacrificial love, when you realise that this isn't my body that actually belongs to Jo. And Jo's body isn't hers, it actually belongs to me. And that kind of mutual love, submission and all that, and respect, and all that kind of stuff that really kicks in.
Andy 33:11 And then you realise that, actualuly, in putting Jo first, I'm actually caring for myself.
Jo 33:16 Yeah
Andy 33:16 Which is another little biblical, beautiful truth.
Jo 33:19 Yeah.
Andy 33:20 Which is good. So, yeah, and we had some top tips.
Jo 33:23 Yes.
Andy 33:24 You're looking at me blankly.
Jo 33:25 No, putting each other first. And we gave lots of ideas about how you could do that.
Andy 33:30 But can I just reiterate? I know we've used me being ill. But Jo's been ill too. I haven't been ill for 25 years. It's just the more calamitous ones tend to be me.
Jo 33:41 Absolutely.
Andy 33:42 Well, we look after each other. That's what marriage is all about.
Jo 33:44 Yeah.
Andy 33:45 So, what's your take away?
Jo 33:47 What am I going to take away from this?
Andy 33:49 Yes.
Jo 33:51 Wow. Yeah. What we've been talking about. Yeah, it just, I think illness, as much as no one wants it, and as much as it can get in the way, or be irritating, or, or just really hard. It does bring you together, doesn't it? It does. It defines you, or it changes you, in a way that, you know, perhaps if you hadn't experienced it, you wouldn't change. So, you know, God is is able to redeem it and change us through it, which is amazing! Yeah, so I think, not that I want it to happen ever, like. No one ever wants it to happen. But, once you've been through it, like I mean, you know, so many people have talked for two years about COVID. And this person's gone down with it, and that person's gone down with it. You know, to experience for ourselves. I don't know if you feel you feel like somehow, you know, you can more relate to people who have experienced it.
Andy 34:47 Nothing's wasted.
Jo 34:47 Yeah. You know, not that you have to have illnesses to understand and experience, you know, to be able to understand. But, I don't know, somehow it just, it kind of helps, doesn't it sometimes to get these experiences.
Andy 34:59 I remember Corrie Ten Boom, when she was in the prisoner of war camp in the 1940s, and there's this, it's a really famous part of the book that people quote. And it's "thank God for the fleas". Which makes little sense, even when you know the story. But, because of fleas in the cabin, where they were staying, in the, in the, in the sort of sleeping quarers part, they're really, really prolific fleas. So, the guards didn't want to come in. So it left them alone to keep a Bible, which they weren't allowed. To hold prayer meetings and Bible meetings, which they weren't allowed to do.
Andy 35:32 So Corrie Ten Boom, was thanking God for the fleas. And I wonder how easy it would be for us, or not, to thank God for the health issues that have brought us together. Not to rejoice.
Andy 35:43 I've said this in the Andy B video before. We don't say thank you to God, I'm ill, that's wonderful. That's, that's wrong! We don't do that! Rejoicing in our sufferings is all about, when something goes wrong, we can rejoice because God loves us.
Jo 35:56 Yeah.
Andy 35:57 And actually, through those hard times, we draw closer to God, and we can draw closer to each other.
Jo 36:01 Absolutely.
Andy 36:02 In Sickness and In Health, until death us do part. You got the vows there. I printed htem off. Can I read them out?
Jo 36:08 Yeah, they're just here.
Andy 36:13 Slick! Yes. It's like you'd never know.
Andy 36:16 So, yeah, I was gonna read the vows, because they're quite, quite relevant. You might recall these. This is a traditional one, I grabbed off the Anglican website.
Andy 36:24 I take you to be my wife (or husband), to have and to hold from this day forward.
Andy 36:30 There's no end date.
Andy 36:32 For better, for worse.
Andy 36:33 We've had some better and we've had a bit of worse!
Andy 36:36 For richer for poorer.
Andy 36:38 What's richer like? I'm waiting for that. That's not true!
Andy 36:42 In sickness and in health.
Andy 36:45 It's through the sickness, and through the health.
Andy 36:47 To love and to cherish till death us do part according to God's holy law.
Andy 36:52 And In Sickness and Health. Life isn't always a bed of roses. Sometimes it's a bed of thorns, but what are you gonna do? I suppose get rid of the thorns and go to sleep. But yeah, in sickness and in health.
Jo 37:05 Yeah
Andy 37:05 Keep going. Keep persevering.
Jo 37:07 Yeah.
Andy 37:10 There's something else we're supposed to do. Ooh, yes.
Jo 37:12 Ooh what?
Andy 37:13 No, there's a video at the end.
Jo 37:13 Oh, there's a video at the end. Oh right!
Andy 37:16 It's been a third of a year.
Jo 37:18 I think we, I think, we can blame COVID can't we? it affects our brains
Andy 37:22 It's COVID fault.
Jo 37:22 Yep.
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