Marriage Matters – Longevity & the D Word, S1, E1

Andy and Jo kick off this brand-new series of Marriage Matters, looking at how we keep going and they go there – they talk openly about the D word – Divorce!

No way, I hear you cry – and the unmentionable on the first episode as well!

How can Andy and Jo talk about a lasting marriage, and Divorce, in the same episode, in the same sentence – this all sounds like Marriage Madness, not Marriage Matters. Or is it?

Join Andy and Jo to see what we can do to go the distance – ‘til death do us part’. Tune in to see for yourself what Andy and Jo do with the D Word.

What would you do?

How do you keep going?

What’s your plan?

Do you have a Plan B, if so, does it detract from Plan A?

Tips and Resources

Books

Stormie Omartian: The Power of a Praying Wifehttps://www.stormieomartian.com/product/the-power-of-the-praying-wife-paperback/

Stormie Omartian: The Power of a Praying Husbandhttps://www.stormieomartian.com/product/large-print-the-power-of-the-praying-husband-paperback-copy/

Website

15 Second Kiss: Fierce Marriagehttps://fiercemarriage.com/15-second-kiss-experiment

Andy and Jo

You can Watch the video, Listen to the Audio, or Read the transcript – below!

Watch

Listen

[buzzsprout episode=’9327212′ player=’true’]

Resources and Tips

TBC

Andy and Jo


Buy Me A Coffee

It’s thirsty work making stuff for the Berry Bunch Ministry. Do you want to Buy Me A Coffee?


Read The Transcript

Jo 

Hello and welcome to Marriage Matters. I’m glad you could join us. My name is Jo.

Andy 

And I’m Andy. 

Jo 

And we’ve been married nearly 25 years now. That’s silver, and so we thought as part of a celebration of that time, erm, was to kind of go into Marriage Matters ‘cos, erm, we’ve been through a few things. And so this is really about our experience, and what, that, we’d like to share. And, and hopefully you’ll join in with the conversation.

If you’d like to keep up with the stuff that we do as a family, The BerryBunch, then do Like us on Facebook, erm Subscribe to our YouTube channel or, or, and, as well, er, sign up to the Website because we do lots of good stuff including Marriage Matters. 

Now we’re very excited, obviously, being married for 25 years, is a big deal!

Andy

It’s all good!

Jo

It is good, it’s all good. 

Andy 

Is that the right word?

Jo 

Yeah, yeah. That’s right.

Andy 

Is that what I’m supposed to say? 

Jo

Yeah. Erm.

Andy

It’s all very good.

Jo

Yes, yes. But no, we’re gonna be honest and, and, and keep it real, erm, as we go through with Marriage Matters. But today, erm, we’re starting with Longevity and the D word.

Erm, so, Andy, what’s the D word? 

Andy 

The, the D word is not death The D word is, is divorce, which is a nice chewy subject to start with.

Jo

Yes

Andy 

But actually it’s quite an exciting place to start. Because, when you go into your marriage, and you say your wedding vows, and if you’re in a church, then one of the things you do is you say until death do us part. Now, death can seem quite a scary, quite a negative thing.

However, when you think about it from the biblical perspective, actually death is just the beginning of an eternity with heaven.

So when we’re saying until death do us part in the marriage vows, what we’re saying is, well, we’ll be married until we get to heaven. And then, when we get to heaven, we’re going to be with God. It’s gonna be even better

Jo 

Yeah, yeah. 

Andy 

So, actually, it’s a celebration, more than it is a, sort of, depressing thing, but the divorce thing. So, one of the things we did a long time ago is, you probably have this situation, or you can very easily envisage it, if you’ve ever met anybody in the world, ever. Two people are trying to be right about their point of view. And it gets a bit heated. And it gets a bit angry. And, and then, before you know it, in order to win the argument, what you say is ‘that’s it, ‘m getting a divorce!’

As if somehow, saying that you’re going to get a divorce, is going to win the argument. It’s like thinking it’s, it’s that match point. And, actually, saying those words is the most devastating thing you can say to another human being.

And the Marriage Matters thing for us? Er, we want Real Talk, and Real Life, and Real Stories. That’s what we want to share. Some of our own personal history. And what we’ve been through. And how God’s helped us through that as a, as a, as a husband and wife, as a married couple before God. 

But the thing about divorce is it is not the beginning of something. It is the ending of something. There isn’t something that’s a good, it’s not some’t to celebrate, when you think, oh, let’s get a divorce then. Because, you know, we’re not getting on. And we’ve fallen out of love and you know I was right in that argument, and you wouldn’t listen to me and divorce becomes this thing that we used to use, both of us, as a way of winning an argument.

And, the thing is, when you’ve been married for a while, one of the things you realise is you don’t need to win arguments, ‘cos, actually, why do you want to argue? If you’re not, if you’re in an argument, and you’re getting aggressive, or you’re getting angry, or you’re getting, erm, rude in how you’re responding.

If, if you’re not acting in love, towards another person, you’ve already failed God. So then going yes, that’s it, we’ll get a divorce, you’ve already lost the argument.

Jo 

Yeah, I mean, obviously it sounds a bit odd to put longevity, and the D word together, ‘cos they seem to be the opposites. But, actually, in order to have longevity. For a marriage to work, er, we think that you need to take the D word off the table. In the sense, not using it as a way of manipulating, a way of, like, it’s like a stick, isn’t it? Like, ah, the D word. And so that’s kind of, kind of what we’re saying, is if you want your marriage to work, let’s take the D off the table, so that you.

Andy 

It’s your Plan B isn’t it?

Jo

Yeah

Andy

When you get married, it’s supposed to be you and, you and your, well, in my case, my, me and my wife, against the world, and we’re gonna, you know

Jo

Yeah

Andy

Take the world over. And all this stuff that you do when you first get married.

And if you’ve got a Plan B how much effort are you going to put into plan A?

If you think, well if it doesn’t work, we’ll get a divorce

Jo

Yeah

Andy

How much are you going to really put into that marriage?

Jo

Yeah

Andy

How much are you gonna commit, when it gets tough, and it will get tough. When it gets tough are you going to fight for your marriage, or are you going to have that little voice in your head, well there’s always a divorce. Well if it doesn’t work out,

That’s why we took it off

Jo

Yeah

Andy

The table because it doesn’t help. 

Jo 

Yeah. So, longevity, and the D word, we will continue after this break. 

About Us Video

So let’s pray. Andy’s gonna come on and show us how to pray – excellent!

What, what have you got there?

It’s my World Atlas.

OK.

So I can pray for the world.

OK

You see, prayer is good!

Right. Ok – you gonna show us how to do that then?

Yeah, yeah. Yep – so I’ve gone, I’ve got me, me, atlas and if you got the letter A, I, I’m gonna start here.

So.

Yeah.

Please God, please bless Abenraar, and Archen and Arbor.

What did you like about the story?

Bob!

Bob – you liked Bob?

And the stick

The stick? Me likes sticks.

You like the stick?

Me likes sticks a lot I do.

Well, ok. Well we’ll try and make sure there’s some stories with sticks in.

Thankyou.

Dave, especially for you.

Jo 

Welcome back. Erm, we keep putting that little ditty on for Marriage Matters to give us, er, I suppose a break. But, also to give you time to think about what we’re saying. And so then we can then move on. And, obviously, scripture’s really important. So Andy, you’ve got some scripture for us, haven’t you? 

Andy 

And so Jo can remind me what I’ve just said I’m supposed to be saying next.

OK. So, we’ve got a couple of scriptures that, erm, are really, really, we’re quite, we find them quite important

Jo

Erm.

Andy

Erm, and I’ve completely lost the first one, so that’s really good. 

Jo

Titus isn’t it?

Andy

Yeah, there we go! There we go. Titus 3 something. We have planned this. Where? 

Jo 

Have you lost it?

Andy 

No, well it was in me other bible. I swapped bibles over. Seriously, the.

Jo

Titus 2 is it, something? I think it’s on our website?

Andy 

OK, here we go. Titus Chapter 2. It’s like we planned this or something.

Titus Chapter 2.

"You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine. Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self controlled and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live. Not to be slanderers or addicted to too much wine, but to teach what is good. Then, they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self controlled and pure to be busy at home, to be kind and to be subject to their husband, so that no one will malign the word of God. Similarly, encourage the young men to be self controlled in everything. Set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching, show integrity, serious and soundness of speech, that cannot be condemned. That those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us."

What does that mean to you? 

Jo 

Erm, it sounds really, er, for me, I was thinking about it’s order, isn’t it. That God has, er, er, ever from the very beginning in Genesis, there’s an order of, of what, where, and, and roles we play, and, and positions we have. And it keeps everyone safe. It’s, it’s like to have children. You have boundaries. You have things in place, and so it helps you to feel safe and know what you’re supposed to be doing.

And I love that about the younger women, the older women teaching younger women. Because we’ve, we’ve gathered some information that we had help and support from grandparents along the way, so it’s, that’s, been really helpful. 

Andy 

Yeah, we’ve had some good wisdom along the way. I think one of the things that saddens me about the kind of culture, at the moment, is there’s very much “I can do this. I’m independent, I can cope. I can do this by myself”

And, sadly, what we’ve seen as as parents, as people who’ve been in ministry for a number of years is there’s this move, to training children, to become independent. So, when they hit 18, they can go to university, and they can stand on their own 2 feet.

And although, at, at face value, that sounds like a good idea, we’re actually setting them up to fail in their marriages. Because if we’re teaching people to be independent, then we’re not teaching the people to be dependent upon God, and upon family, and the, the Church.

And that’s one of the things that has saddened me. I, I’ve seen that. And I’ve had conversations with various people that “I know more than you”.

Well, that, that’s not really the point. We’re supposed to be working together for God’s Kingdom. 

Erm, and when we come back to the Marriage Matters thing, and, and, marriages specifically, erm, we’re supposed to depend upon each other and other scriptures which we’re not going to, er, pick up on this first one.

But other scriptures talk about how, erm, my body is Jo’s and Jo’s body is mine. You know, we’re supposed to depend upon each other. And when we extend that a bit further, we’re not supposed to be independent. We’re supposed to be dependent. And, actually, depend upon each other, depend upon Jesus Christ more specifically. 

Erm, the other scripture which we’ve got. It might make your head twist a bit.

Erm, James, gentle James, gentle James, Chapter 4 verse 18.

"Now listen, you who say today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money. Why you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say if it is the Lord's will we will live and do this or that, as it is, you boast and brag all such boasting is evil. Anyone, then who knows the good he ought to do, and doesn't do it, sins."

Which comes back to the, the argument and the use of divorce as an argument.

Stop it!

If you’re using the divorce as, as a way of winning an argument, you’re already upsetting your other half, you’re already upsetting God, you’re already committing a sin.

So trying to use that as a, you know, that’s the end of it, i’m gonna to finish this argument and win it, that’s, that’s just wrong.

Erm, the other reason why we like this James chapter 4 thing, bit of scripture, is when you first get into your marriage, you have this, you know, if you’re newlywed, you’re very excited. Hopefully your wedding day’s gone well.

I’ve heard enough stories that haven’t, but anyway.

Hopefully, you’ve had a good wedding day and, erm, and you’ve gone on your honeymoon, you’ve had a really good time, and you’ve got to know each other as a couple, and before Christ, and then you come back and you, you get into your job. And it’s all quite good normally. The first 6 months, to 2 years, probably, it’s very, very good, and you’re enjoying each other and, erm, then things start to get a bit more difficult, as life becomes a bit more of a grind. And all of a sudden all the newness and the excitement goes. But we can make these plans for what’s going to happen in the future. But we don’t actually know.

And when we say ‘right I’ll get a divorce’, what we’re saying is we can read the future, and we’re going to read your future. In fact, we’re. gonna actually tell you what your future is . And we’re not supposed to work like that as believers in Jesus Christ. 

What we are supposed to do is have a whole, it’s the idea of holding it loosely, isn’t it?

And we’re not supposed to control and manipulate. Erm, you know, I shouldn’t be controlling and manipulating Jo to get what I want. Actually, I should be honouring her in loving her, and, and, and giving her what she needs, and putting her first, which is how we’re supposed to be as Christians.

Well, what, what we’re supposed to realise, from this James chapter 4 thing, for me, is, Marriages, they’re quite finite. You know, our lives are, er, like a mist, as we see in other parts of Scripture. And we need to be really holding precious those times that we have that are good. ‘Cos there’s gonna be hard times. And there’s going to be good times. But we need to be very precious of those good times. So, when the difficult stuff comes along, we don’t go, ‘that’s it, I’m getting a divorce’. We don’t allow our feelings to dictate us. Actually, then, we remember, you know what? Life is quite short. It’s quite precious and let’s appreciate each other.

Jo

The scripture that comes to mind is what is it that what God says in the light? Don’t forget in the dark, isn’t it? So, in that beautiful time when you get married, it’s all very happy. Everything is wonderful and you have like a honeymoon period, don’t they? 

Not just the honeymoon like the week or the 2 weeks, but actually that first year is, is not easy, necessarily. You might have some difficulties. But that can be at a time, like you say, of, of, of everything going quite well for you.

Erm, but remember what you’ve been taught. That marriage preparation. The scriptures that say stick together. Because the, the difficult times come, erm, and the temptation, and I think maybe in a way the D word is the temptation, isn’t it?

Andy

I think so.

Jo

 And you know, I, we learn from Jesus. He talks about the bride, and the bridegroom, and, and, actually, being married is an opportunity to grow as Christians, isn’t it? Through the good times and the bad times.

So it’s about, you know, being a, a Christian is about commitment. It’s about discipline. It’s about getting through those hard times, ‘cos, quite often, God doesn’t take us out of problems. We have to go through it.

Andy 

If you want to learn who you truly are. If you really want to see what the issues are in your life, that God wants to deal with, then get married. Erm, it’s really easy to understand the idea that, on the wedding night, you’d get physically naked with each other for the first time. But, the other thing, is you get emotionally vulnerable.

There are things I know about Jo. And there are things that Jo knows about me, that nobody else knows. Jo could destroy, and crush me, if she chose. And I could do the same to her. 

How often do we use that in an argument? We get the past and throw it back! 

What do you mean you’re throwing the past back? Well, that’s what we do, isn’t it? And we shouldn’t do that. God doesn’t do that, but we do that. We bring the past back in.

Erm, and when I think about marriage, and I think about the the early time of our marriage, it was really exciting, and everything, behind, is kind of in you to just get on with it, and, and make the life, and set your home up, and all that kind of stuff.

But if you’re not putting Jesus Christ in the centre of your marriage, you’re setting yourself up for a world of hurt later on.

Erm, I think we need to really, briefly, touch on, if you have come to faith, and you are already married and, erm, let’s just say your husband is not a Christian, then the Bible is really clear. You need to give your husband an opportunity for a divorce. That’s really healthy. That’s in the Scriptures.

Erm, that’s not what you should try for. But that needs to be there, because you are, now, a completely different person. You are set apart in Christ.

But we also know that, erm and I’ve met enough women now, and men, who’ve done this, is when they love their respective other half, husbands loving their wives, that wife can be one to Christ by the gentleness and love of the husband. And vice versa. 

Erm, so don’t just throw something away ‘cos God loves marriage. Erm, and and just coming back to that, er, the Titus Reading, one of the things that I’m struck by is my grandparents. Some of the advice they gave us, which I’ve shared out to many other couples, now. Which was play together, pray together, work together, sleep together.

Jo

Yeah

Andy

And a whole bunch of other stuff you’re supposed to do together. Erm, and I just want to touch on the play part. ‘Cos, actually, when you first get married, it’s quite exciting. You’ve usually got a bunch of friends You’ve got the world behind you, generally We didn’t, that’s another episode. But, generally speaking, you’ve got the world behind you. And then it starts to get more tricky. But the playful times. Those times when me and Jo will play Wii Tennis, or something just to have a bit of a laugh. 

They’re really valuable. 

They’re really precious. 

Erm, and actually they they help a lot.

So don’t discount playing together, and praying together.

OK, there’s nothing in the Bible that says that a husband and wife should pray together!

There’s nothing in the Bible that says a husband and wife should read the Bible, or pray together!

OK, that’s not in there!

However, there’s lots of things the Bible does, and doesn’t say. Erm, praying, and reading scripture with your spouse, is a really good way of getting deeper in your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Jo

Yeah

Andy

I fell in love with my wife, Joanne, because her love and passion for Jesus Christ excited the Holy Spirit in me.

That’s what I fell in love with! Way before I even really saw Jo, I saw Holy Spirit in her, and that excited the Holy Spirit in me. So, we started out, with God at the centre. And we read our Bible together, and we pray. Not as much as either of us probably would like.

Jo

Yeah

Andy

But I think it’s just one of those. That’s just to make sure there’s no weights put on, that aren’t supposed to be there. If you’re not reading the Bible and praying together, there’s, there’s nothing bad there. It is good to read your Bible and pray together, however. And we would definitely, heartily, recommend it. It’s very powerful to have those times together. 

Let’s just be really clear on a couple of things. Erm, those things that aren’t actually said! You don’t have to read together the Bible. Because sometimes you’ll be away.

I mean, Jo was working shifts. I was driving a truck. And we didn’t get to talk to each other much. We didn’t get to read the Bible and pray. We still had a good marriage!

So we need to be able to apply these rules fairly sensibly. Erm, but, yeah, that’s worth saying. 

Jo 

Yeah, I mean there are a lot of things that can go against a marriage, isn’t there. There are things that come come up, you know, un, unfaithfulness. There’ll be somebody who’s not very happy in their marriage, and looking around for something better. Or, I dunno, you have the mid-life crises, or whatever. Or just different things come around, erm, and people get stressed, and worried, and all kinds of things come along.

Erm, and so we need to work at our marriage. That’s what we’re saying. You have to work at that in order to keep that marriage going. Erm, and, so yeah, playing together, having time together. And I, and I think, you know, it’s very hard as a Christian because, you know, obviously, there’s a lot that’s coming up against us, to stop us from staying married. Because that really helps, and is a good thing. It’s a godly thing.

And, and so prayer is really, really 

Andy

Yes

Jo

Important. Erm, and yeah, you know, He’s, He’s the Holy Spirit. God is the kind of glue that sticks us together at the centre isn’t it. It’s like, yeah. 

I mean, I’m sure there are many marriages that continue and, and do the longevity, all, you know, 50, 60,70 years, who aren’t Christians. And, and you know that’s quite amazing. But as Christians, I think we do need God to be at the centre. Erm, because you know, it’s, it’s tough otherwise, isn’t it and so.

Andy

Is it tough!

Jo

Prayer is key scripture reading. 

Erm, and date night isn’t it. 

Andy

Oh, so important.

Jo

That’s another great thing, date night

Andy 

Date night is really important.

It’s, it’s one of those things that sometimes gets pushed out. And, er, we’re going to touch upon this in the, in the next little segment

Jo

Yeah

Andy

Where we talk about tips and resources.

But, erm, date night. So important to actually make sure that you, you remember to take time with each other.

The way that we see it is really simply. We’re trying to, if you think about this way.

When you get married, you are the first parts of your relationship, as part of your family. This is God’s intention

Jo

Yeah

Andy

Erm, that doesn’t mean to say if you’ve got married, and you’ve already had children, that somehow that’s evil, and bad, and terrible. We’re not going into that. We’re talking about God’s, God’s best, God’s purpose. 

But let’s just say, you get married, and you’re a husband and wife.

And, what was I saying.

Jo

Erm. What did you say?

Andy

I’ve lost myself. 

Jo

We were talking about date night and then you.

Andy

Oh, there you go! Date night.

So, the husband and wife come along first. We are more important. Our children’s, erm,  ability to be contented, and satisfied, and peaceful, and confident, and outgoing, and all those things has got an awful lot to do with how Jo and I are doing.

Why do I say that?

Well, if Jo and I are not getting on with each other, what’s gonna happen? Well, there’ll be less happiness. There’ll be more animosity. More arguments. Erm, less peace in the family home.

If we’re getting on with each other more, and we’re having time with each other, and putting, prioritising each other. Then, all of a sudden, we are much happier. More peaceful. And the children are more relaxed because their home is more happy and more peaceful.

Erm, and we’ve had those times of difficulty. With some of the worst times of hostility, and animosity, was exhaustion, erm, after a business had failed, and we were absolutely shattered. And we didn’t have a problem with each other. We were just tired, and short tempered.

So, don’t miss that one!

Erm, but, yeah, there’s all this stuff that’s gonna try and get in the way. And the thing is, that a godly couple, don’t forget, the devil wants to destroy you!

And he’ll get at your time.

Now Jo worked shifts.

I’ve worked as a truck driver.

I was away for 2, 3, 4 days at a time, sometimes.

Jo worked shifts, all crazy hours. And we barely saw each other.

But we prioritised time with each other, when we could have it.

So, it’s perfectly possible to build a marriage. We had a very big phone bill, on the mobile phones. But anyway! It’s very possible to teams to build your marriage, even if you’re not together. But it’s making that effort. 

Jo 

Yeah

Andy

It’s taking that time

Jo

Definite!

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Resources and Tips

Jo

So, before the break we were talking a lot about the importance of prayer. And, early on in our, our marriage, I discovered the Power of the Praying Wife. Erm, written by Stormy Omartian. And it’s a, it’s a lovely book for, erm, wives to pray for their husband.

Erm, and it, and it’s got chapters. And they’re very short, and easy to read, which is lovely, erm, looking at different areas of your husband’s life. So, finances, their self image, their faith, er, future trials, lots of different chapters on different, so, you could read the whole way through, or dip in. And each time you’ve got scriptures. And you’ve got prayers, which is fantastic. Erm, and I read that, and I, I, I really got into the importance of praying for you, Andy. Erm, and I saw that, I saw that change

Andy

I appreciated it

Jo

and made a big difference, didn’t it? And then later on I got the little book of prayers so, you know, if I’m in a bit of a rush, like we’ve talked about before, you have busy times, don’t you, when you hardly see each other. And I know he’s struggling with something. I can just quickly pray something. Erm, he was worried about something, or fearing something one time, and I just got, went up into my room, and just prayed this prayer. And I found this really, really helpful!

Andy 

And then Stormie Omartian wrote a book for men, which is brilliant. And what she did,  which was really fabulous, is she took all the chapter headings from the book, erm, for the Praying Wife

Jo

Yeah

Andy 

And, erm, she created a book for the praying husband. What I love is, as you go through these chapters, she’s put them in order of how a wife would want to pray, be prayed for. And how a husband would want to be prayed for. That makes sense. It’s like a list of priorities, so, er, at the top of, erm, this Praying Husband, the first thing the husband should be praying for their wife, would be for their husband. Ha!

So praying for the wife, and her relationship with you.

Jo

Yeah

Andy

And then it moves on to her Spirit, and emotions. 

And what she’s done, is, she’s gone to lots and lots of, erm, er, women and said, well what, what’s the, where? If these are 20 headings can you put them in the most important, at the top, and the least important at the bottom?

And then she’s put him into a chapter order in the book. So, the stuff at the top is what, generally speaking, most wives would want you to pray for.

And, erm, then conversely, the praying wife book. It’s put in the order of what most husbands would like their wives to pray for, in order of priority.

Mine has got so many creases it is ridiculous. Erm, but I find it really helpful

Jo

Yeah

Andy

Because it just helps me, to remind myself, that Jo is not me. That we are intrinsically different. 

She is female, I am male!

She is woman, I am man!

She is wife, I am husband!

We are very, very different. We have different outlooks on life and this is a great book, er a great resource.

Jo

Yeah, definitely.

Andy

I highly recommend it!

And the 15 second kiss.

So, do you want to tell about the poison? 

Jo

Oh well! Yeah, that was a funny story. So, I’m not the most romantic, erm, you know, in our marriage. I think you, you’re more romantic than I am. Erm, but I had a moment

Andy

I cry a lot. I cry at films!

Jo 

One Christmas I was walking through Shrewsbury, Town, erm, City Centre, or Town Centre I should say. And there was some, a guy selling, erm, mistletoe.

And it was only a pound. So, I thought, oh, do you know what? You know, I could bring that home and we can have a kiss under the mistletoe. So I brought it back. 

I think the children, our boys, were quite surprised at what I’d done. Because it was rather romantic of me. Erm, but then they laughed because, erm, apparently mistletoe’s a poison, isn’t it?

Andy 

Yes, it’ll kill you. Let’s kiss under the dangerous plant! That’s really funny.

Jo 

But it’s romantic, and yeah, that was nice.

Andy 

But, that started us off on the 15 second kids. I don’t know where this started.

I saw it on a, a really good resource called the Fierce Marriage, which is a Christian, erm, couple who do some really great stuff. Go and check out the Fierce Marriage website.

But I remember hearing it there and I don’t know where they found it from either. 

But we started to do the 15 second kiss and it’s really, really simple. It’s kissing for 15 seconds. OK?

And what we started doing was we, because our kids always love us to be loving towards each other, erm, I don’t understand children who stop parents from showing physical affection. I mean, that, our kids have never done that. We wouldn’t tolerate that for a second! Erm, and actually they actively encourage us. So, when we haven’t done a 15 second kiss, or let me be specific. When they hadn’t seen us doing the 15 second kiss, “mum, dad, come on”. And they’d push us together so we can have our 15 second kiss.

And The thing is, 15 seconds of kissing, in front of your kids, is a great way of reconnecting.

It’s a great way of saying the priorities in your life.

And it’s a great way of stopping. Hushing. Pausing. And connecting with the person, that you’re supposed to care for the most in this life. 

Jo

Yeah.

Andy

That’s great. 

Jo

There you go top tip.

Andy

Top tip. 15 second kiss many times a day. 

Endurance Video

Physical training is good, but training for godliness is much better. Promising benefits in this life and in the life to come. 

The point of this scripture is that while physical training is good, it is beneficial for us, it keeps us fit, keeps us healthy, it’s not nearly as beneficial as spiritual training, nor that makes up training for godliness, such as reading our Bibles, praying, and going to church. 

And that is the point of endurance.

It is to show how we can maintain self-discipline and how we can endure through our training for godliness.

With that in mind, go check it out!Jo 

OK, this is where we conclude.

Erm, we’ve just got a few minutes just to finish up and to wrap up this work this one, this episode on “Longevity and the D Word”.#

Erm, so really what we’ve been talking about, is, listening to, erm, older women, and older men, to kind of get our heads around what marriage should be like. So, we listen to our grandparents. Erm, you know, keep going through the tough times. 

Erm, we’ve talked about date, er, night, being a, a key. Spending time together.

We’ve said about God being at the centre, erm, and scriptures that help us and support us.

Er, we’ve given some top tips, about the 15 second kiss. Let us I know how you get on with that.

And, the resources, the books. And we will do that every week. I, I think that’s covered everything, isn’t it? 

But it’s just keeping that D word off the table. Because we use it as a as a sledgehammer, really, don’t we? Just to get what we want! And that’s not, that’s not right, erm, ‘cos that’s not going to help longevity!

Andy 

OK, so let me ask you one difficult question to finish

Jo

Oh no.

Andy

What’s the most tense moment in your life of our marriage? Where divorce was really what you wanted. And how did you not go for that? 

Jo 

Wow! I guess, I mean, I just, I, I guess I must have got myself into such an angry state. And so upset about something. I can’t even think of a time. Erm, I just, it, I suppose it was  an escape route. I just wanted out of the, the, the experience, the emotional torment, isn’t it? I just wanted out and somehow at the time felt. But I guess also just to hurt you, isn’t it really, I think, if I’m honest.

And, and I think sometimes crying wolf, ‘cos I’m saying it. And I’m not sure that I’m really going to pull through with it ‘cos I’m thinking well, what am I gonna do? But, it just sounds really good at the time.

Andy

Yeah, it’s an exclamation mark and we don’t need exclamation marks in our marriage. We need commas.

Jo

Yeah

Andy

Because it’s a journey. And that journey takes a long time.

Jo

Yeah

Andy

Erm, and, ear, yeah. Get divorce off the table. That’s, that’s the plan!

Erm, that’s not to say that there aren’t situations where that’s appropriate. We’re not, we’re not going to do that. We’re talking about the plan for marriage.

Jo

Yeah.

Andy

Erm, we’re not going to go into that. We’re not counsellors. We are two Christians who love Jesus Christ, who love each other, who love marriage, who loves supporting people in marriage and what is God’s passionate best for our marriage, and for your marriage. And how can the good stuff, and the bad stuff, that we’ve been through, help you in your marriage?

Jo

Yeah

Andy

And that’s the point. We’re supposed to be working together. 

So what’s your, erm, what’s the best part of your marriage so far?

Jo 

Oh my goodness. I suppose, to be honest, coming to 25 years. I’m quite chuffed that I’ve, we’ve, we’ve lasted this long. Ha, ha, ha.

Andy

Ha, ha, ha. I was trying not to spit the tea out!

Jo

I am. I was like. Oh wow, what an achievement.

Andy

You could have warned me before you said that.

Jo

Sorry. I didn’t know I was going to say that. It’s quite an achievement. I’m quite chuffed with myself, you know, like, I’ve lasted this long!

Andy 

Oh. Great. That’s really making me feel great before I go to bed, isn’t it!

Jo 

Well what’s the best thing, that, for you?

Andy 

I think it was, it was, I think it was the moment when we went on honeymoon. It was just you and me. And I think it’s that moment of, well it’s that ‘oh crap’ moment, isn’t it.

Jo

Yeah

Andy

To be honest of

Jo

We’ve done it

Andy

Oh, we’re married. I can’t get away. We’re stuck. There is that moment I had. But then there’s that excitement of the journey ahead.

Jo

Yeah

Andy

And the life ahead. Erm, and, I think, for me, it was, It was getting married. We had a house sorted, er, which was exciting, ‘cos it was huge. And we lived in a bedroom for a month, or two, ‘cos we had no furniture. ‘Cos, you know, newlyweds.

I made furniture out of boxes!

I think, I think, that, that first month of our marriage was the most exciting.

Erm, another episode we’re going to do, we’ll be talking about the problems we had in order to try and get married.

But, I think for me, it’s that first month of being married. It was you and me. Set with God . Against whatever problems might come, with all the excitement, all the passion of what’s going to come. And it’s really exciting. And we’re going to make a home. And a life.

And I think it was, I think it was the wedding day.

But I think, if I was being really honest. It was on our wedding day, when you were asked, “do you take this man to be your husband?”.

And it was the severity, of the seriousness, of your face, as you looked into my eyes and I almost cried on the altar, of, I’m married!

And it was really exciting.

But then it’s also the responsibility of it!

I love it!

I love being married!

It’s great!

I love all the stuff about being married. It’s wonderful. The good, and the bad.

The bad’s hard. But the bad, it’s almost part of the good. So!

Jo 

Yeah

Andy

Great. There you go.

Jo

Yeah. Builds us. And it’s character building, isn’t it. 

Andy 

Oh, it’s character building!

Yes. My takeaway from this episode is, erm, that, apparently, the best thing is you’ve lasted 25 years. I will I will be satisfied with that, that’s fine and I hope you’ve enjoyed, enjoyed our first episode of Marriage Matters. 

We’ve got a whole host of topics that we want to look at. Erm, some of the bad and the good. Erm, and we’re going to have some tips every week. And some resources that you can go away and find. 

Erm, but if you’ve got a a topic that you want us to cover, then you can get in touch with us, through the website, and let us know about that. And we’ll try and cover that, whenever, when and ever we can.

Jo

Yeah

Andy

Just to say you can watch this.

You can listen to it on a podcast.

Jo

Yes.

Andy

And you can read the transcript, when I’ve finished typing it up. But, there are loads of ways that you can access Marriage matters!

So, we hope you’ve enjoyed it.

Andy

We’ve had fun.

Jo

Yeah.

Andy

I’ve had fun, and now I know that Jo’s really glad that she’s lasted 25 years.

Which is exciting!

So, I’m looking forward to anniversary next month. That’ll be, that’ll be a stellar day, won’t it!

There you go keep it real.

Jo

Yeah

Andy

Real talk. 

Jo 

Yeah, thanks for joining us. Bye for now. 

Andy 

Bye for now.


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2 Comments

  1. What an excellent episode this is! Really enjoyed this, and lots of biblical wisdom to share. Thank you

    1. Thanks so much Andy…this very much like felt our little baby – one we’ve been prepping, practicing and planning, for many months!

      We’ve already filmed the 3rd episode….happy to say it gets better each time 🙂 as we get more relaxed and comfortable with the format etc

      Anything that stands out for you?

      Feel free to share it with anybody else that might appreciate it

      And thanks again for the comment…it means so much to us!

      Andy and Jo

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