S02E002, Marriage For The Maker, Marriage Matters

Avatar The BerryBunch | 30/07/2022

Watch the video, Listen to the Audio, Read the transcript or Download the Video.

Introduction

In this week’s Marriage Matters, Andy B and Jo challenge us to consider how our marriages measure up to God’s standard. Andy and Jo remind us that marriage is God’s design, noting that God created one man and one woman and said they should go forth and multiply and that the two become one flesh which is spelt out in Genesis.

Andy and Jo also point out that Jesus talks about being the Bride Groom and the Church being the bride, using the analogy of marriage showing the importance of marriage and our witness through our marriages.

Andy B highlights the impact of a healthy Christian marriage and Jo agrees and shares that she was led to Christ by a Godly couple who were loving, gentle and kind and so together.

Andy B reads 1 Corinthians 13 showing us that tis is the framework for our marriages – Love – no clanging gongs or plumber’s tools thrown down here, please!

Tips and Resources

  • Get alongside other married couples and learn from them.
  • Watch the film -War Room.

The Take Away

Jo – “Marriage can be portrayed as really boring, or dull. But, it’s actually a really exciting challenge because it encourages us to become more like Jesus, and nothing is more exciting than that!”

Andy – “Does our marriage point people to Jesus, or to ourselves? Do I come across as loving Jesus more, or my wife more?”

Andy and Jo

LISTEN TO THE PODCAST

READ THE TRANSCRIPT

Well, hello.

Jo 0:29
Hello.

Andy 0:30
So, it's working.

Jo 0:31
Yeah!

Andy 0:32
I've sorted all the jingles.

Jo 0:34
Yeah.

Andy 0:34
And the little video things. And the linky things. And the little Logo Stings, as they are apparently called.

Jo 0:40
Fantastic.

Andy 0:40
And it all works. Welcome to Marriage Matters for a non technically failed episode this week. My name's Andy.

Jo 0:48
And I'm Jo.

Andy 0:49
What's our topic title?

Jo 0:50
Marriage for the Maker.

Andy 0:52
Okay, so that's what we're looking at today. But, as ever, if you want to stay up to date with all that we're doing, and you don't want to miss out on all the exciting things coming up in the future, in the world of the BerryBunch, you can follow us on Facebook and on Instagram as well. And we're on Vimeo, or YouTube, if you want to subscribe to the channel. We're also on Tumblr, and we're on Twitter, so don't complain, you can't get a hold of us. And the best thing you can do, quite honestly, is to sign up to BerryBytes our weekly, or monthly, Newsletter so you'll never miss a thing. And it's BerryBytes with a why because?

Jo 1:27
We can. Y not?

Andy 1:30
See, you've missed that haven't you? I forgot last week.

Jo 1:32
Why not!

Andy 1:33
Go on then. Marriage for the Maker.

Jo 1:34
Marriage for the Maker. So, we've, obviously, in Marriage Matters, talk about the importance of marriage. And we actually looked at that, last episode. And marriage is designed by God. In the beginning in Genesis God talks about go forth and multiply. And there is a scripture in Genesis also, isn't there, about you will leave your mother and father, and you will become one. One flesh. So marriage is designed by God. And so we want to look at how can we make sure that our marriage is pleasing to God? That it is actually fitting and glorifying God? And, so, that's what we're looking at. Trying to make sure because lots of people are married, whether you're Christian or not. But is it pleasing to God? Is it how God designed it? 'Cos we have our own thoughts, don't we?

Andy 2:16
We do! We have our own thoughts. As you will have your own thoughts. We all, as people, have our thoughts on what it should look like, could look like, must look like.

Jo 2:25
Yeah.

Andy 2:26
All that!

Jo 2:26
In the Bible, it tells us one woman and one man, in marriage. You know, we know that that you get married, it provides security and safety. We talked about last session about how it's good for the community, and society. It builds a good, sound, foundation for society. Great place to bring up children as well. But, you know, obviously marriage isn't just for children. But that's a great place. There's lots of safety, lots of good things about why marriage is the right way to go.

Andy 2:53
And we're gonna touch on being single.

Jo 2:55
Yes.

Andy 2:56
Dating a little bit. We're gonna look at marriage, 'cos, you know, Marriage Matters.

Andy 3:02
Last week, what I was remembering from last week is, I've tried to find the article. I know it was in the Independent newspaper, in the UK. I'm certain of that.

Jo 3:10
Yeah.

Andy 3:11
Although it could have been somebody else. But I'm pretty sure it was the Independent. But it was this big research on the psychology of God's design, actually. They didn't call it that, funnily enough. But a husband and a wife, that union in a marriage, with children is the most firm foundation. And there's so many research studies that have shown that. And all it's showing isn't 'Wow, isn't that amazing?', 'Marriage is good'. It's 'God made it right the first time'.

Jo 3:36
Yeah, I mean, we're all different, aren't we?

Andy 3:38
Yep.

Jo 3:39
And so every, every marriage is going to be different, because we're individuals. And there's, you know, God broke the mould on every single person. And we're unique, which is wonderful! But there is, there is something about how a marriage should look in terms of, of hearing what God says about it. And you know, that's why we do this show, isn't it? It's because we want to get better, and improve our marriages ,and practice makes perfect.

Andy 4:02
It's not to make it worse.

Andy 4:03
No!

Andy 4:04
We're not doing this to sort of degrade the marriage quality!

Jo 4:07
No. And, like, I mean, you know, the Bible is the Maker's instructions. And there's great instructions in the Bible about marriage, because of course God designed marriage. So, it's all in there, isn't there. Lots of good stuff.

Andy 4:18
Yep!

Jo 4:18
There's some great experiences of, of marriages that have not gone particularly well. And we have talked about that. So hey, what not to do, perhaps.

Andy 4:26
Yes, Abraham and Sarah, perhaps?

Jo 4:28
Yeah. Some of the marriages

Andy 4:30
That didn't work out

Jo 4:31
Didn't work out quite so well.

Andy 4:32
Some of those ideas!

Jo 4:33
And we've all made mistakes. But what we love about God is that He is a great Redeemer. And He, He isn't going to ask us to do something if it's not possible to do. So he knows we can have good marriages, healthy marriages, and we want to know whatm what wouldm what would He be pleased with? Not necessarily what we would want.

Andy 4:51
And as ever with Marriage Matters. This is us talking about our life experience. We've been a husband and wife for more than quarter of a century. What? Does that sound old?

Jo 5:00
No, no. We were very young when we got married.

Andy 5:03
Well, I wasn't even 20.

Jo 5:04
Well you were!

Andy 5:05
I was young. So, yeah, it's our experiences. And that's what we're sharing. As Jo said, we've all got different experiences. Marriages look very different around the world. Different cultural elements of this as well. But we we always talk from our perspective. This is what our experience is, and how do we apply the Bible to that?

Jo 5:23
Yeah.

Andy 5:24
Even more appropriately, how do we apply a marriage to the Bible?

Jo 5:27
Yeah.

Andy 5:28
Which is what we're looking at today. Shall we take a little break?

Andy 5:33
I was asked to record a video and write a book by a friend. He'd seen so many people with broken dreams, just hopeless about the life they were living in the life before them. So I wrote a book, my very first book. It's called Broken Dreams, and Hope! It's based on my own life, some struggles that I've had, and the fact that through those struggles, however bad they were, whether they were caused by me, or caused against me, throughout all of that, there is still hope.

Andy 6:04
Let me just read a few things that people who've read this book already have said.

Andy 6:08
"It's a page turner, with each chapter leaving you wanting to read just one more.

Andy 6:12
"You gave the reader motivation to look up and grab the hand that can lift you up on your feet, and walk you through life's muddy mire. And I love the way you spoke of hurt and abuse, but never going into details that would have robbed the reader of their own inward pains, and ability to take hold of the Lord's extended hand, the hand that will never let go."

Andy 6:35
Broken Dreams, and Hope! is a book I wrote because I know what it is to have broken dreams. I know what it is to feel hopeless. But I also know what it is to have hope. Because that hope has a name. And that name is Jesus Christ.

Andy 7:01
It works.

Jo 7:01
Yay!

Andy 7:02
Told you i'd fixed it!

Jo 7:03
I know. Well done!

Andy 7:04
The camera went live and everything.

Jo 7:07
So marriage for the maker. We've made a start. We're talking about what should marriage be like? What are the principles? What's really important? And one of the things that comes up time and time again in the Bible, and particularly Jesus talks about, being the bridegroom, and that the church is the bride. So, you just think, wow, if Jesus talking in an analogy about marriage, marriage must be important. It's a principle, isn't there about it. And He talks about when, when the bridegroom is around, you don't need to fast, so when He's there, and we as a church need to look beautiful, and get ourselves, get our act together and all kinds of things. And there's some amazing sort of similarities between what God's saying about us, and Jesus, and the Church, and, and, and marriages. So we've got to listen in on that haven't we, because that, that sounds important.

Andy 7:55
Yeah, I think it's true. I think it's interesting. When I, a long time ago, we had a conversation. I was doing a year, a year away doing some youth work. And we said, what, 'Okay, where's the scripture that says that gambling is wrong'. And we spent, a number of us, most of the night, to realise there is no scripture that says that gambling is wrong. So, what you have to do is you don't have to dive really deeply. You don't need lots of theological degrees. You just have to understand around the subject, and it was really, really obvious that gambling is very wrong. But it doesn't say that directly.

Andy 8:25
In the same way. The Bible doesn't actually also say that marriage is the best witness. It doesn't really talk about that. But what you see through Scripture is how important and powerful marriage is.

Jo 8:36
Yeah.

Andy 8:36
So I found a quote online, courtesy of Hot, Holy and Humorous who reshare, get's complicated, something from "Club 31 Women", which I haven't actually checked out yet. And this is a quote by a guy called Mac, Matt Jacobson, of Faithful Life podcast. And this is what he said,

Andy 8:53
"We are preaching a sermon every time we walk out of the door together. This is what it means to be in a Christian marriage."

Andy 9:03
And what I was struck by was, if you think about a magnifying glass, it make things bigger, obviously. That's basic science. But, actually, when you look at a Christian, godly marriage, it magnifies the relationship we have with Jesus Christ. So, if we're walking out of the door shouting and screaming at each other because we're late for church, and we've had an argument, and the cat's just fallen down the staircase, and. We haven't actually got a cat, but you get the idea! If all this has gone on, then we're not portraying a good, godly, marriage. It's a very real marriage. Yes, it's important to be authentic and honest. But, at the same time, what is our relationship together, saying to the world, about our relationship, together, with Jesus Christ?

Jo 9:42
Yeah.

Andy 9:43
And what was really striking me about this, kind of lead to a cascade of thoughts, which was, how how is our marriage actually speaking of God?

Andy 9:53
Are we getting married because we go through the dating game and you think, well, 'I've got to find me soul mate, I need someone for the rest of my life who can who can help me, and, you know, I'd like to have a family one day. I want to have children'. And it's really easy to get into that 'I want, I want another half because then I'll have a friend, then I'll have some company at night time and. when I get old, there'll be somebody to help me. And, well, I want children, so I need to find a husband',

Andy 9:53
Okay, it's a bit of a stereotype. Perhaps women, at one level might think about this a little bit more, maybe. I'm not sure. Go with the stereotype, it helps.

Andy 10:01
And we get this, well, I want to get a husband. And then then we get married, and we'll get nice jobs, and we'll get good money, and we'll get a better house. And then I'll help my husband in his job. And we'll get a better career. And he can go self employed and we'll get even more money, be more secure, and have a nice nestegg for the future, and a retirement plan. And before you know it, you're 19, and you've just mapped out the next 70 years of your life, and God didn't want you to get married.

Andy 10:46
And then you spend the next 70 years of your life getting bitter and twisted because 'God says that I'm supposed to have a husband, we're not supposed to be on our own'. And you've missed the entire point of Scripture, which is we are not there to serve ourselves. It is not about making our life better, any more than being single is worse, 'cos that really upsets me. Single isn't, you konw, a state of being that's worse than being married. Anymore than marriage is better. Marriage is simply a state of being, with God. There are two sexual places. There is celibacy, where you don't have sex. And there's marriage when you do with your husband or your wife.

Andy 11:18
But is your marriage pleasing to God? Is it talking to people of God? Is it showing his relationship?

Jo 11:26
Yeah. You can see why people would want to get married. Because, there's, we've talked about in previous episodes, the benefits, and even just now we're talking about how it provides safety and security and, and two is better than one, isn't it when you fall down. So, we understand that marriage is a positive thing. But it is hard as well. It's not easy to be married because of the very reason, and purpose, that God has for marriage. And it isn't about selfish. It's about self, it's serving others, isn't it?

Jo 11:55
And that leads us nicely on to the scripture that we were thinking about wasn't it. Because every,

Andy 11:58
it does.

Jo 11:59
every there's this infamous scripture that often

Andy 12:02
Infamous?

Jo 12:02
No, famous, famous scripture that told at many weddings and that's 1 Corinthians 13, isn't it?

Andy 12:08
Yeah, 1 Corinthians 13.

Andy 12:09
"Now I will show you the most excellent way. If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal."

Andy 12:21
Or as somebody somebody once pointed out, a dropped bag of plumbers tools.

Andy 12:25
"If I have the gift of prophecy, and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but I have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor, and surrender my body to the flames but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self seeking, it is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. For where there are prophecies they will cease. Where there are tongues, they will be stilled. Where there is knowledge, it will, be, pass away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part, that when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me."

Andy 13:30
I'll leave that one there. Go and read that one, its a. Oh, I was getting into that. it's good! But I think there's there's a couple of interesting elements. That last bit, that I added in, was, you know, when you get married, you need to grow up. And that's important. And that actually is partly why we're supposed to be starting a brand new family.

Andy 13:50
I've always said to our boys, you know, you're under the authority of this house until you start your own. You know, we've never ever taught them to go off and be independent, 'cos I think that's totally anti biblical. We want them to be able to stand on their own two feet. We want them to have the ability to deal with life. And they do that really, really well. The careers they're going down are gonna be very serving others. But, we've always taught 'em, don't live independent lives. We actually need to depend upon one another, and that's how we've raised them to be. And it's meant that we've got a really good family, that we're building a foundation. but I was thinking about that, 'Married couples are a great foundation'. They're a great foundation but they're not all of society.

Jo 14:32
Sorry. What do you mean?

Andy 14:33
Well, what I mean is, being single is not irrelevant. It's not unimportant. Churches get real thing about "ooh, when you're gonna get married" and "When you're gonna have kids" and, yeah, that, that's great. But marriage isn't isn't the goal. Nor is being single the goal. The goal is a relationship with Jesus Christ, which might lead to marriage.

Jo 14:52
Yeah, absolutely.

Andy 14:52
And it might lead to celibacy, singleness, and serving God in a really privileged way in that sense. So, you know, don't ever think that one is better than the other one is worse than t'other.

Jo 15:01
No. I mean, as Christians, the purpose, our purpose, is to become more like Jesus. And God chooses whether we are gonna be single, or whether that will be in marriage. And we are single at some point in our lives, whether that's early on in our lives, or it's later, or throughout. But marriage, yeah, it's got to be based on that commitment to love the other person as, as yourself a bit, isn't that, that's the scripture for husbands, isn't it? To love your wife as yourself? And, you know, love says, be patient and kind, and all that. And how many times do you throw that scripture at each other in an argument? And say, hey, you're supposed to love me? And that's not really what's, how you're supposed to be.

Andy 15:42
You can see why this is used in in a marriage ceremony. But, I mean, this is just as applicable for daily life as it is a married couple. But, actually, within the confines of a marriage, what a marriage does is it magnifies your problems. You know, don't ever think oh I'll get married, and then I'll be happy. Or I'll get married and he'll complete me, or she'll, she'll give me what I need. And you're going to be really disappointed. I don't look at Jo and say she's a disappointment. But if I want her to be filling that kind of a gap, she's always going to fail, because it's impossible for her to do so. Because the only thing that can fill those kinds of voids is gonna be Jesus Christ, and a relationship with Him.

Jo 16:16
Yeah. We need to be careful don't we 'cos, there is, marriage can be romanticised. And it can be quite wishy washy. But when you look at what marriage is, it's a real commitment, a real promise. And it's real!

Jo 16:30
You know, I remember when my sister got married, and she was like, 'Hey, this is real serious this, isn't it.' It's not just a piece of paper or, or a ceremony, or 'Oh, well, if it doesn't work out, we'll get somebody else' 'cos that's not God's design. You're there for life, and you need to work through the challenges. And, you know, it's not going to be rosy and wonderful. I know we can romanticise and dream about it, but, you know, the reality of marriage can be quite hard.

Andy 16:55
It can be really tough.

Jo 16:55
Yeah, you know, illness, we've talked about difficulties in previous episodes where there might be ill health, or just the, you know, if you're both Christians, but one's just not maybe feeling like being a Christian at the minute or something.

Andy 17:07
Flip that on its head, and you've got some't entirely different.

Andy 17:09
If you're single, you can go back home, you can go into your flat, you can go and watch a film, you know, play some games, or do what you want to do go, for a cycle and get that time to yourself.

Andy 17:18
In a marriage it can never work that way, 'cos you're in the same space. It's not that you never get time to yourself. It's not that, that would be not much fun! But you can't just disappear. 'Cos when you come back, you're gonna be back together. So, at some point, you have to deal with those issues.

Jo 17:35
Yeah.

Andy 17:36
And I think that's why marriage isn't just something 'Oh, yeah, I've got my soulmate'. That's a load of rubbish! But, you know, we have this idea that I've found that person, and the right person, and that's just not a biblical construct.

Jo 17:46
No.

Andy 17:47
And, I guess, our point today is really quite a simple one. Are you trying to make marriage fit with the Bible or are you trying to make the Bible fit your marriage. And, actually, that's the same for any part of our life as Christians, in particular. We're not supposed to try and make this fit. We're supposed to fit to the Word of God, because that's the standard. And I think it's really important to remember tha. And that's not just you know, that's not just marriage, but marriage certainly puts a magnifying glass. So, if you've got a bad attitude about something, or you brought in, you know, a bad mindset or whatever. It's not going to be nice and peaceful, now I'm married, it's okay. What's gonna happen is God's going to use marriage to refine you. And He's done that with us many, many times. And that refining is not a gentle process! 'Cos God wants to prepair you for heaven, as Corrie Ten Boomn famously said.

Jo 18:34
Yeah, absolutely. We're not trying to put people off marriage. I feel like, it's really hard. It's really difficult. But we want it to be as God intended. And as, as we said, if God wants us to have a marriage, then He's gonna help us. And so we can pray.

Jo 18:46
We've always talked about praying together, or praying on your own. We've shared some resources before about the praying wife and the praying husband, you know. If we are going through difficulty, and you talked about earlier about community as well and helping each other. You know, when you get married, you stand up, the community stands with you and says, 'Right, we're gonna help you through this'. And so we hope that we will have people we can turn to to help us through some of the difficult times.

Andy 19:08
Yeah, I don't think it sounds like we're not for marriage, 'cos this is a podcast about marriage. And we're really passionate about encouraging you, in your marriages, as much as our own. But I think it's one of these things, similar to scripture, that Jo and I have always had a real passion for informed decision making.

Andy 19:21
Marriage is not there to make you happy.

Andy 19:24
Marriage is not there for you to have children, because if you can't have children, then you don't have a complete marriage. Well, that's rubbish! It's not there for that.

Andy 19:31
Marriage is there 'cos it's God's design, and what is God's design for you? Is that for marriage, or is that to be celibate and single? It may be marriage without children. You know, don't think that somehow you're a lesser marriage because you can't have children. It doesn't work that way! You can't flip it on its head and say, 'Well, God meant we're supposed to, you know, He said we're supposed to get married and multiply. We're not multiplying, therefore a failure'. You can't, you know, reverse it and get a conclusion. God's plan is God's plan. And marriage is amazing. But you need to go into it with your eyes open. And marriage is not to make you happy.

Andy 20:04
Happiness is really overrated. Joy is tremendous. It lasts the times that are good. It lasts the times that are bad. Happiness It's kind of self serving. It comes and goes.

Jo 20:15
Yeah. Wow.

Andy 20:16
Little break?

Jo 20:17
Yes.

Andy 20:18
'Cos this is a heavy one. Heavier than I thought.

Steven 20:27
So Endurance. Wait, no, first. I'm Steven.

Nathan 20:30
I'm Nathan.

Steven 20:31
And we're brothers actually.

Nathan 20:33
Yeah, in case you hadn't noticed. I mean, I know the much more masculine physique on this side may have thrown you off.

Steven 20:42
Yeah, I'm actually older.

Nathan 20:43
Yeah.

Steven 20:44
Taller, stronger, fitter.

Nathan 20:47
Maybe?

Steven 20:48
No, definitely.

Nathan 20:50
Anyway, that's not the point of Endurance. It's Spiritual Training, not physical.

Steven 20:54
Yep. Yep.

Nathan 20:54
Now that we obviously we don't compete that much.

Steven 20:58
Nor spiritually. You shouldn't compete spiritually either.

Nathan 21:00
No. But I am better than you.

Steven 21:05
Dunno what to say to that.

Nathan 21:06
There is no, no answer.

Steven 21:08
So, the point of Endurance is all about 1 timothy

Nathan 21:11
Taking the mick out of each other.

Steven 21:12
All about 1 Timothy 4 verse 8, which says, "Physical training is good but training for godliness is much better". And, so, it was an idea which, I think it was my idea actually wasn't it?

Nathan 21:24
It was a joint effort. There's no I in team.

Steven 21:27
Yeah, so it was definitely my idea.

Nathan 21:29
Yeah.

Steven 21:29
And the idea being that we have to, well, I was challenged, because basically, I enjoy exercise. I was doing lots of weight training, lots of running, and I was getting a bit obsessed by it.

Nathan 21:40
You were failing to train spiritually.

Steven 21:42
Yeah, yeay, you could say that I was idolising physical fitness rather than

Nathan 21:46
So we created Endurance to help him learn better how to balance spiritual and physical training.

Steven 21:52
Yeah, basically. Ok.

Nathan 21:56
Because I've already cracked it.

Steven 21:58
No, no.

Nathan 22:00
No.

Steven 22:00
You've got a long go a long way to go yet. So go check us out.

Nathan 22:05
I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I mean, you're way beyond.

Steven 22:09
Cut!

Andy 22:21
And this is the Tips and Resources section. That's like a really corny, cheesy DJ voice isn't it. Tips and Resources.

Jo 22:29
Yes. You gave a tip earlier though didn't you?

Andy 22:32
Did I?

Jo 22:32
Was it that quote? Kind of a tip, do you think? The one that said, you know, basically, our marriage is, you know, it shows the world about Jesus.

Andy 22:40
We'll try and link somehow to this for you.

Jo 22:42
Yeah, do that.

Andy 22:43
I'm not sure the best way of doing that. But, anyway, yeah,

Andy 22:45
"We are preaching a sermon every time we walk out the door together. This is what it means to be a Christian in marriage, or in a Christian marriag", Matt Jacobs, and Our Faithful Life podcast.

Jo 22:55
That's a challenge isn't it.

Andy 22:56
It is!

Andy 22:58
Another tip is, it's a book called, we've mentioned it in a completely different context, Radical Womanhood. The reason why I've got that today isn't so much because the book fits what we're talking, 'cos it is not really relevant for this particular topic. But, what Carolyn McCullough does, in one of her sections, part of her testimony of coming to Jesus Christ, and having a relationship with Him, is she encounters this biblical, godly couple. And she was a feminist, activist, really, you know, very much into that kind of stuff. And she encounters this godly couple. And what she would have probably described as this overbearing authority husband and a, you know, overly submissive wife. And then what she actually sees is this beautiful relationship between a husband and wife, you dearly love each other. It's washed everywhere with the fruit of the Spirit. There's love oozing out of every pore of everything, every interaction of these two. And, actually, what she sees is the relationship of this pair, and it helps her come to faith. It's part of her testimony.

Jo 24:01
Fantastic! I can relate to that, because, actually, I had much the same experience coming to Christ. Because the vicar and his wife had a beautiful marriage. And they were just so gentle, and sweet. And I think they, they helped me to come to faith, because of their marriage, and the way they loved each other.

Andy 24:18
There you go.

Jo 24:18
Yeah.

Andy 24:19
It does matter!

Jo 24:20
It's awesome!

Andy 24:21
When you exit the house together are you holding hands, or are you storming out, slamming the door? It does paint a picture.

Jo 24:27
Absolutely.

Andy 24:27
You know, once okay, fine. I always remember when we lived in a part of Shropshire in the UK, many years ago, there was a neighbour who said, "Gosh, you're the smiling family". And I said, "What do you mean?" "Anytime we see you, which is quite a lot in the garden, coming out, we always seem to go to out the house at the same time. "You're always smiling, all of you. You must be so happy as a family".

Andy 24:49
And I'm thinking, we weren't 5 five minutes ago. But it's great that you can see that because I'm happy you're seeing that. And, but in fairness, yeah, we were full of joy. We have God in our lives and we're trying to mirror the relationship that we have with Jesus Christ, between us, for others to see. And we were doing it non deliberately back then. Now we actually think about it, how do people perceive us. Not, don't go around thinking, "Oh, what do we look like? What do people think" 'cos you'll be a gibbering wreck. But, actually, a bit like the Fruit of the Spirit, you don't actually physically grow the Fruit of the Spirit. It comes from a relationship with Jesus Christ. So, as you improve, and as you constantly go back to God, and you pray, and read your Bible, work on your relationship, the Fruit of the Spirit spontaneously grows out of that relationship with Jesus. In the same way, when Jo and I are having a loving relationship with God very centred actually, we're gonna grow, corporately, that Fruit of the Spirit too.

Jo 25:43
I think another tip is to hang out with those who've done marriage for a while. So thinking about those testimonies, and my testimon,y and the testimony of that lady, you know, she's, she's obviously hung around with a really lovely couple. And people who've gone before us, older, older couples who've weathered the storm, it's good to hang out with them, and learn from them, isn't it?

Jo 26:01
I mean, I don't know what your experiences is in terms of your own parents, and your own family sort of makeup. We've had some sort of challenges in terms of divorce. But you know, yeah, hang out.

Andy 26:01
Not we've

Jo 26:01
No, we've no, not us. Just in our background, in our previous times, as children. But, yeah, you know, finding a church. Finding those good marriages, those people who've been around. We did that when we first got married, we asked your grandparents, because they'd been married for, what, 50, 60 years at that point.

Andy 26:26
A long time.

Jo 26:26
And we were like, "How did you do that?" And we asked them didn't we.

Andy 26:29
They had such great wisdom.

Jo 26:30
They did, didn't they.

Andy 26:31
You see that wisdom doesn't come out of a book.

Jo 26:33
Nah.

Andy 26:33
It comes out of life. It comes out of the hardships, and coming through the hardships to the other side. So, I think it's a bit of a, I call it a disease in the world, where we think we've made it 'cos we know what we're doing. And, you know, the Bible's really clear, we're supposed to go to the older people, you know. As wives, you're supposed to expect younger wives to come to you, to ask you. And you're supposed to be expected to give them advice. And the same with husbands, you should be expecting younger husbands to come to you. Younger in marriage, not age, and saying, 'You know, here's some wisdom for you.'

Andy 27:05
We touched on this really briefly, and we're out of time. But, when I used to do breastfeeding workshops, years and years ago, what I was doing was giving advice and information that normally would be passed down from mother to daughter. Because that's kind of fragmented through society, now we need workshops with midwives, and random people like me turning up, talking about how to do something that is kind of basic. But if you don't know you don't know. It's not your fault! So, pass on the information.

Andy 27:31
And if you're an older couple, don't think, 'Oh, we're just an older married couple'. Go and befriend a younger couple. Don't be put off by them! You know, even if they're like, 'Oh, yeah, we're all fine'. Were you fine when you were first married? We had all sorts of problems going on that we couldn't fathom. You know, I'd have valued some people, not forcefully coming alongside, because no one wants that., but lovingly coming alongside, 'Come have a meal with us'. And you haven't even got to say a word. Just be beautifully, Godly, in your relationship with each other, with Jesus Christ, and you will win people to Christ. And you will turn people to Him.

Jo 28:02
Yeah. Ooh. One more tip. War Room. That's exactly what happens.

Andy 28:06
Watch War Room!

Jo 28:07
An older lady helps a younger married lady.

Andy 28:10
Yes.

Jo 28:10
Yes.

Andy 28:10
Find the film War Room, by the Kendrick Brothers, and watch that.

Jo 28:14
Yes.

Andy 28:14
There you go. There's Tips and Resources.

Jo 28:31
How do people talk to you normally? Do they talk in burning bushes.

Dave the Dog 28:34
Sit.

Jo 28:34
Sit.

Dave the Dog 28:35
Fetch.

Jo 28:36
Fetch.

Dave the Dog 28:38
Know what I say back?

Jo 28:39
What do you say back?

Dave the Dog 28:40
You chuck the stick? Get it yourself!

Jo 28:48
Dave, are you there?

Dave the Dog 28:50
Ar, I'm here, ar.

Jo 28:51
Oh, hello, Dave. Oh, I think we've got the same problem as last week. I can't see you.

Dave the Dog 28:56
Have you opened your eyes?

Jo 28:57
Yes, I've opened my eyes!

Dave the Dog 28:59
Oh.

Jo 29:04
You name it, he could play it.

Dave the Dog 29:07
Pipe Organ!

Jo 29:08
Pipe Organ? Yeah, with all the pipes.

Dave the Dog 29:10
Lots of buttons, like a spaceship.

Jo 29:12
Spaceship?

Jo 29:13
Yeah, you're looking good. Have you done something to your hair?

Dave the Dog 29:17
I had me hair sorted.

Jo 29:18
You had yoru hair sorted?

Dave the Dog 29:18
Went to the dog groomers.

Jo 29:20
Cor, brilliant. You look great!

Dave the Dog 29:22
Thank you.

Jo 29:22
It's good to see you.

Jo 29:28
Do you know what your name means Dave?

Dave the Dog 29:31
Dave.

Jo 29:32
Dave, it just means Dave.

Dave the Dog 29:33
Yes.

Jo 29:34
Well, I looked it up and it's short for David, and it means beloved. That means you're lovable.

Dave the Dog 29:40
Long for 'd'.

Jo 29:40
Long for 'd'.

Jo 29:48
Big long stick, to help him protect his sheep.

Dave the Dog 29:52
I like sticks.

Jo 29:52
You like sticks?

Dave the Dog 29:52
You gonna throw a stick?

Andy 30:17
We like Dave. He's a hoot. So this is The Takeaway.

Jo 30:22
Yes.

Andy 30:22
The Takeaway?

Jo 30:24
Yes.

Andy 30:24
I need an echo thingy, don't I! The Takeaway. Where we look at what we've done. We talk about it and then we finish.

Jo 30:30
Yeah.

Andy 30:31
There you go. It's a conclusion with a fancy name! So, we've been looking at, today, the importance of a marriage that is based on God's design. And how marriage is not for your being made happy. It's not for your pleasure. Actually, marriage, is designed to mirror the relationship that we individually, each of us, have with Jesus Christ. It mirrors that so we can reflect that into the world. It is there not to make us feel good, but to demonstrate the love that God has for each one of us.

Jo 30:31
Wow.

Andy 30:31
Is that deep enough?

Jo 30:39
That's deep, isn't it! that's deep!

Andy 30:57
It happnns!

Jo 31:07
Yeah, so we've covered a lot haven't we? I thought we were getting a bit like, oh, wow, this is sort of heavy and stuff. But it's, it's, it's important.

Andy 31:16
I find it really, really exciting, that God loves us so much, that He designed marriage, in order that we can reflect the love of Jesus Christ to the people around us.

Jo 31:25
Wow.

Andy 31:25
Just by being husband and wife. I love that! That's a, that's an exciting challenge. Am I loving my wife enough, that if somebody saw me with Jo, they would see Jesus. There's a challenge for your husband? How is your love? And wives stereotype? Are you forgetting that stuff that's gone on in the past? Or are you bringing it back and throwing at him again? 'You said five minutes last time and it's been an hour?' Or is love gonna win over?

Jo 31:53
Peace, isn't it. Peace in the home. Peace and harmony?

Andy 31:55
Husbands? If you're out with your mates? 'Oh, typical wife, yeah, useless, yeah, always buying clothes, and makeup, doesn't care about me'. And you know, wives, if you're out with your friends? 'Oh, yeah. Typical husband. Yeah. I hate him. I can't stand him. He's horrible. And I'll make his life a misery.' You know, how are you talking about, in my case, how do I talk about Jo? Do I talk about her with love? Do I have the fruit of the Spirit pouring out of me in my words of Jo? To Jo? In front of the kids?

Jo 32:23
It's quite challenging this, this episode isn't it?

Andy 32:26
It is a little bit.

Jo 32:28
I didn't think it was gonna be like that.

Andy 32:30
No. It is!

Jo 32:30
But then, in saying that, if we want to put, make, our marriages as God wants it, then it will be a challenge, wouldn't it? Because it's not like, we just do it the way we want to do it, and see what happens. It's a standard. A high standard, isn't it of how we do marriage.

Andy 32:42
I was gonna ask you really awkward question.

Jo 32:44
Oh great.

Andy 32:44
But I can't think of any awkward questions.

Jo 32:45
Oh, what a shame!

Andy 32:45
That you wouldn't have a nice answer to. Like when did you last fail to talk about me in a loving way? 'Cos you used to? Actually, well here's a, well it's not an awkward question. Back in the days when you used to work for her majesty's constabulary, your colleagues, you'd say, "Yeah, we've arrested your husband, and we've nicked him for drink driving, and he wasn't wearing a seatbelt." And Jo would say, "No, you didn't". Not because she knew that they were winding you up. But, because you knew, absolutely, that's not my husband. And you had such certainty in who I was, and how I drove, and all the rest of it, that it just wouldn't work.

Jo 32:46
Yeah. They, yeah, they couldn't do anything about that.

Andy 32:57
No, they couldn't get in and upset you. It wasn't even just, they were really trying to get to you, 'cos I was a trucker as well. I used to work in the area, and deliver, and you'd say, "No, he wouldn't".

Jo 33:28
That goes back to sort of previous episodes, of how our marriage is based on friendship, knowing each other, getting to know each other. And that, again, aligns itself with getting to know God, isn't it? So much of the marriage is based on how we approach God. And marriage is an opportunity, isn't it, to learn more about God, and be more godly. But, you know, it's challenging and difficult, because it's not always easy.

Andy 33:54
No, you can be quite hard sometimes.

Jo 33:56
But I think about, you know, in life, it's, you know, like, the butterfly has to struggle to get out of the, you know, the cocoon thing, isn't it? And that's, but then there's this beautiful butterfly.

Andy 34:07
Metamorphosis.

Jo 34:08
Yeah, or something. And so.

Andy 34:11
No, no, not something. Metamorphosis.

Jo 34:13
But it's the same in marriage, isn't it? There has to be this sort of struggle, where two people are sort of, you know, iron sharpens iron, and all that. It's two people coming together to help each other to become more like Jesus.

Andy 34:25
Yes. iron sharpens iron, sometimes happens. Sometimes it's more like a nice gentle knife sharpening block, but not always. And that's life. And that's marriage.

Jo 34:33
It is, isn't it?

Andy 34:33
So, get yourself some older couples in your life.

Jo 34:35
Yes.

Andy 34:36
And, if you're older couple look for a younger couple. And, if you're not sure why that's important, you can watch War Room as well.

Jo 34:41
Yeah.

Andy 34:41
And realise the importance of older couples. Not older age. I mean they've been married for longer. You can be 50 and be a newbie. And you can be 25 and have been married for six years. That was me!

Jo 34:51
Do you know what my takeaway is, you know? You know, sometimes we've talked about how Hollywood portrays marriage as boring like, you know, it's like, 'Oh, you don't have sex' or whatever, and it's not very exciting. You know, it's actually quite exciting being married, because we've got a real challenge, haven't we, to make our marriage as God intended it. And so we need to work out that every day. And that's kind of exciting and quite a challenge, isn't it?

Andy 35:11
My takeaway will be simply this. Is the way I am, showing people that I love Jo, and I love Jesus more? that my relationship with Jo point them to Jesus, or to me. There's my Takeaway.

Andy 35:25
So, there you go. Another Marriage Matters, where we discuss marriage of the matters. No, aargh I got it wrong. Where we discuss matters of the marriage, that matter, because Marriage Matters!

Jo 35:33
Fantastic. Well done.

Andy 35:34
I was getting. Oh, my head's all confused.

Jo 35:37
Thanks for joining us.

Andy 35:38
Yes, and we'll be again, here, next week.

Jo 35:40
Yes.

Andy 35:40
Sorry about that! We'll be back.

Jo 35:42
Yeah,

Andy 35:42
We're not done yet. Bye for now.

Jo 35:44
Bye for now.

Jo 35:58
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Steven 36:11
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Peter 36:18
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Nathan 36:27
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Andy 36:42
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