S02E007, The Power Of Love, Marriage Matters

Avatar The BerryBunch | 03/09/2022

Introduction

As promised, after focusing last week on wives, in this week’s Marriage Matters, Andy B and Jo look at how husbands need to love their wives – The Power of a Husband’s Love!

Andy B reads these scriptures to help us steer us in the right direction:

  • Ephesians 5:25, Colossians 3:19 and I Peter 3:7

It looks like the love the bible is talking about is selfless, sacrificial and unconditional and to be honest a high standard of love is expected from husbands

The Meaty Section

Andy and Jo chew through some difficult topics and try and make sense of it all.

#RealTalk and #RealLife is just what we do!

Tips and Resources

  • Read Song of Songs for inspiration on showing your love for your spouse.
  • Watch Torville and Dean ice dancing to the Bolero as a picture of marriage.
  • Write your own Song of Songs type message to your wife.
  • Get a notepad and use to write messages to each other to show your love for each other.

The Take Away

Andy – Andy reminds us of the importance to never stop being romantic to your spouse. Also, to buy a small notepad and leave each other messages when you’re apart from each other to write love notes, or perhaps even your own home grown Song of Song to your loved one.

Jo – Watch Torvill and Dean ice skating together and reflect on your own marriage and the beautiful dance God desires between husband and wife and go check out the book Peaceful Wife, by April.

Andy and Jo

LISTEN TO THE PODCAST

READ THE TRANSCRIPT

Andy 0:28
Well, hello, and welcome to Marriage Matters, where we discuss matters of the marriage that matter, because Marriage Matters. I've been learning that after last week's little the debacle. But, anyway fixed that one.

Jo 0:40
We're back again.

Andy 0:41
Yeah, we're back with Marriage Matters. No, I won't do that again. So, anyway, you're very welcome to join us for another podcast episode. You see, I'm still thinking, Is it a blog? Is it a podcast. It's definitely a podcast.

Jo 0:51
Yeah.

Andy 0:52
With a, with a video. You're welcome whatever it is.

Jo 0:55
I'm Jo.

Andy 0:56
And I'm not. I'm Andy. But if you want to keep up to date with all that we're doing the best thing you can do ever to go to our website, www.BerryBunch.family, Sign Up for the Newsletter, you'll never miss anything.

Jo 1:08
Fantastic. So thank you for joining us again. This episode, as promised, last week we talked about wives being like rubies. And, this week, we promised to do something about husbands. And we're calling it The Power Of Love, because the Bible tells husbands to love their wives

Andy 1:25
Which makes me want to watch Back to the Future. the Power Of Love. Michale J. Fox.

Jo 1:29
Burst into song.

Andy 1:31
I'm not. No. Not gonna do that. So, I kind of thought this is a bit like the Proverbs 32, if there was a 32nd chapter to go afterwards for men.

Jo 1:42
Ah, I see.

Andy 1:42
Proverbs 31 is sort of focused on women and wives. So, if there was a proverbs 32, this, sort of, would be it. That's the plan!

Jo 1:53
Yeah. So we'll unpack it a bit more, won't we about what does it actually mean. Because I mean, to be fair, everyone needs to love everybody. You know, love one another I think it says. Wives need to love their husbands. You know, it's not like we're saying the other thing. But so looking at it, and working out what does that actually mean.

Andy 2:08
Yes. And when you look at Proverbs 31, as we looked at last week, go and watch the episode, if you haven't already and you'll know what I'm talking about. But, in Proverbs 31, we learned that it was an acrostic poem. So, that's all the letters of the Hebrew alphabet. And the reason it was done like that, theologians tell us is to make the point that it's all encompassing, and it's for everybody. Some things in Scripture are very specific to men. Some things are very specific to women. And, although Proverbs 31 is written around a wife, and it's really good for wives to focus on that, actually it's for everyone as well, because he's lots of good things. And that's some't we will see repeated in the Scriptures quite a lot.

Jo 2:46
Yeah.

Andy 2:47
'Cos it's not just, oh that's good for so and so. Actually it has wider meaning. Not all the time.

Jo 2:51
Yeah. So really, this one is, we're supposed to love one another.

Andy 2:55
Yes.

Jo 2:55
But we are talking about the Greek word agape love isn't it. It's a love that you have between a man and a woman. And so,

Andy 3:01
Isn't that like if you were my mate, not my wife. 'Cos isn't that Eros?

Jo 3:05
Oh, hang on. Yeah. I may be getting that wrong.

Andy 3:07
I don't have brotherly love with you. Well, I kind of do. But there's another type too!

Jo 3:10
Well, it's interesting you should say that. Because part of loving your wife is making sure they become Christ like, isn't it? So you do have a responsibility as a brother and sister, as a brother in Christ.

Andy 3:21
Yes, yes.But there are other times in our marriage when it's not agape love!

Jo 3:25
No! Yeah, but that, I suppose perhaps both involved isn't it.

Andy 3:27
What's, the, there's more than two. There's four isn't there?

Jo 3:29
Oh, there's three isn't there. Oh No.

Andy 3:30
No, there's four. There's three, there's three people talk about, but I'm sure there's that acually 4.

Jo 3:33
Eros. Agape.

Andy 3:34
The (ANDY MAKES A SOUND) third one. And then the (ANDY MAKES A SOUND) fourth one. That was an audio glitch. Obviously, we said it perfectly correctly when we spoke it!

Jo 3:44
Yeah. So this is all about love. The Power Of Love, power of love of a husband.

Andy 3:49
I've got a really good advert.

Jo 3:51
Have you?

Andy 3:51
Very exciting!

Jo 3:53
Ooh, coming up next?

Andy 3:53
Yes.

Andy 3:56
Well, hello, my name's Andy B.

Jo 3:58
And I'm Jo.

Andy 3:59
And we've got some super exciting nose. Nose?

Jo 4:01
Nose? News!

Andy 4:02
No, we've got some news. We got some.

Jo 4:04
You said you could do this, Andy.

Andy 4:05
Well, I did try. Anyway, we've got some exciting news, not noses, coming for you. 'Cos on Konnect radio is a brand new radio show. Yeah, called Family Focus. And, it may be a shock, but, actually, we're doing it.

Jo 4:16
Yes. And not on our own 'cos we've got a really cool dog called Dave.

Andy 4:20
Yes.

Jo 4:20
Dave, the Dog, who joins us.

Andy 4:22
Yes, Dave the Dog, who's a dog called Dave. It doesn't get much more complicated than this.

Jo 4:26
He's dead funny. He's dead funny.

Andy 4:27
He's very funny. He comes along and helps. We've got a good contract for him. So, that's coming up. We've also got The Doggy Cushion where we talk about family successes.

Jo 4:36
Highs and Lows.

Andy 4:37
Highs and Lows of family life. So, whether you're 0, 8, 88, 888, then you're welcome to join us.

Jo 4:44
You don't have to do maths on this show.

Andy 4:47
No, it's fine. We don't! So come join us for some great chat, some great music, and some great stuff coming up on Konnect radio, Family Focus.

Jo 5:00
Great stuff there, isn't there.

Andy 5:05
That's tomorrow afternoon. Tomorrow afternoon it starts.

Jo 5:08
Brilliant. So, Marriage Matters, then. We're looking at the power of love husbands loving their wives. And it would, it mainly comes from Ephesians 5, but actually, when we were checked it out this sort of phrase, this kind of, what's the word? It's not a suggestion. Is it? It's a sort of instruction, isn't it?

Andy 5:29
A decree?

Jo 5:30
A decree, yes. An instruction for husbands, is actually dotted around throughout the Bible, so then it must be important.

Andy 5:37
Yes, repetition. Excuse me.

Jo 5:40
So you're gonna crack on with Ephesians 5, 25 are you?

Andy 5:43
Ephesians 5,25, which I have actually got marked as well, which is very cool. So, this is the NIV today 'cos it's smaller and lighter and easier on my hand. Anyway.

Andy 5:52
"Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word."

Andy 6:01
Carry on?

Jo 6:02
No. Oh, if you. Oh, is it half way?

Andy 6:05
Well, yeah.

Andy 6:06
"And to present her to Himself as a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or blameless.

Jo 6:10
Wow, there's not just love your wife.

Andy 6:13
That wasn't quite right "without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless".

Jo 6:19
And that was coming back to what I was saying about husbands helping the wives to stay Christ like isn't it. So it's a high standard of love. It's a selfless love. It's an unconditional love. And

Andy 6:29
OIt's not a mediocre one.

Jo 6:30
No, there's none of this wishy washy, lovey dovey, romantic

Andy 6:33
We'll have a bash and see what happens. No whoopsies!

Jo 6:33
This is like good, solid quality love high standard. You know, how Jesus loves the church. So what do you think about that? I mean, you're the husband. How's that make you feel?

Andy 6:44
Yeah, that Proverbs 31's good isn't it! I heard, oh who was I hearing? I don't remember who was listening to you, actually. But they were saying, this is a, this is a marriage blogger. I can't remember who, or the context. They were saying, you know, it's, you know, Proverbs 31 is lots of pressure for the wife and, and all this stuff. But then she said, but, but husbands, you've got to love us, like Christ loves the church. We've just gotta love you because that's good, you know. But you have to love us like Christ loved the church. And the point being, it's a really, really high standard. This isn't, I don't fewelin in love today. That's where you can't fall in and out of love. That just doesn't, that doesn't actually fit with scripture.

Andy 7:21
When you hear marriages say 'oh I just, I'm not in love anymore.' It's actually loads of rubbish. Because love in the English language, it's really limited. That's why there's all these different words in Greek, which is much more helpful. Because I have an agape love with Jo because I'm her brother in Christ. She's my sister in Christ. So we challenge each other in our faith. Iron sharpens iron, sometimes more loudly than others. Then there's eros love, which is because we're married. So there's a sexual relationship in there. And then there's the

Jo 7:49
The other two.

Andy 7:51
See, an audio glitch. We said them perfectly, whatever they are! So, yeah, it was it was quite interesting to hear that the way this blogger was talking about it, because it's quite striking.

Andy 8:01
When you think about what Christ did for the church, He died for the church. And the thing is, a lot of marriages, when they're starting to fall apart, and it's all going wrong. It's not like you can say, well, it's that person's fault or this person's fault. We're not, we're not going into that side of you know, marital breakdown. But what, what's striking me is, when things start to go wrong, the husband's responsibility is to love Christ like the church.

Andy 8:22
When you start, when you first get married, these two individuals come together to form one person in marriage. Not two halves make a hole. It's one hole made of two parts. Okay. It's important. It's like there's nine fruit to the spirit, not nine fruits of the spirit. It's important. There isn't a bit, you know, it's the entirety. So, when you get married, you've got these two individuals who have been joined together in holy matrimony and God is at the centre. And there are really high standards for the husband. And there's lots of sacrifices.

Andy 8:52
So there's lots of things I would love to do. And we've kind of, we've touched on this a few times through different episodes, in a couple of seasons. There's a lot of sacrifices that have to be made in order to be married. That's why it's not for everybody. But it is important, in being married, that we sacrifice things. I'm always sacrificing things that I would like to do, or prefer to do, or want to do in favour of Jo. Why? Well, because I love her. Why do I do that? Well, because that's the bride, that's the daughter of God and I don't want to upset God, 'cos that's a father in law you don't want to upset. So it makes you focus more. And it makes you want to love Jo, in my case, more because it's important. And, actually, sacrifice it's not about.

Andy 9:33
People say, oh, it's about compromise, marriage. Well, there's an element of compromise, but if you compromise everything you're just this blob of boring mediocrity. And, actually, some of the differences that's what makes any relationship exciting, in particular, a marriage. So, actually it's those differences that should be celebrated. And sacrificial love is really, that's the heart of what Jesus Christ did.

Jo 9:52
Yeah absolutely. Yeah, so we've got, what's Colossians 3,19 say then? Is that, 'cos I know some of them are sort of, basically say similar things. But one of them says, you know, actually, you help, you help yourself by loving others.

Andy 10:06
It's funny. You say Colossians 3 and there are various Christians who are twitching now.

Jo 10:10
3, 19.

Andy 10:11
Yes, I know.

Jo 10:11
Just 19.

Andy 10:12
I know. That's why I'm saying people are twithing.

Jo 10:14
Stick to that bit!

Andy 10:14
That's fine.

Andy 10:14
"Husbnads love your wives do not be harsh with them."

Jo 10:17
Ah, so a little bit there about how you treat your wife.

Andy 10:21
There are 1a ,000 ways I could go at this point into what we talk about when it comes to being harsh with your wife. I think one of the realities is, I'm gonna really briefly touch on domestic violence. Because domestic violence, there is this assumption that the worst of domestic violence is a husband beating up the wife, and it's always the husband physically abusing his wife. Now, in reality, statistics don't back that up. Actually, women are far more likely to hit a man, than a woman, interestingly. When a man hits a woman, however, it's usually far more severe. So, is that accurate?

Jo 10:50
Well, yeah, I mean, yeah.

Andy 10:53
DV expert in the room, sorry.

Jo 10:53
It could be. But not necessarily, I mean, women can

Andy 10:56
I didn't want to go too far into this.

Jo 10:56
Women can punch quite hard, you know.

Andy 11:00
Anyway. So, yeah, and I think being harsh. We, as men, we are generally speaking stronger. We can shout louder as a rule. We've, we've got bigger muscles. We can be more dominating physically than a woman would generally be. And, again, stereotypes, talking generalisations here. And I think that's why it's so important to be careful how we speak.

Andy 11:23
I could do 100 other things there about, you know, husbands and wives and DV and all the rest of it, we're not going down that road. This is about the husband. And I think for husbands for men, we need to be really careful how we speak to our wives. Because, actually, if we speak with a harsh word, if we speak with aggression or anger it's wrong. It's out of line. You know, it's all very well, 'Oh Jesus turned the tables over in the temple.' Yes. And that probably took quite a lot of anger to do it. Righteous anger. But that's the point. It's righteous anger. And how often do we see records of Jesus behaving in an aggressive hostile manner? I think not many!

Jo 11:56
No, I mean, Jesus is someone we look to and that's the purpose isn't it? To see how he treated people. And he was very gentle, very loving, and harsh words don't particularly help. In fact that that hurts, and then causes problems in the marriage.

Andy 12:11
You ever had an argument and someone says 'Just calm down? You calm down?' Do you know? How much does that help?

Jo 12:16
Not really, no.

Andy 12:18
If you want to calm down a situation don't say calm down. That's just not going to work.

Jo 12:23
It did make me think though that some couples do tend to have harsh words with each other, like it's, it's, like their, like their thing isn't it? Like they like like abusive? You know what I mean? Like they're rude to each other like, oh, you bitch or whatever, you know? And that's not been us. Is it? We don't talk

Andy 12:38
You can't say that!

Jo 12:39
Well, no but they they talk but they don't

Andy 12:41
Tha'ts a bad word that is!

Jo 12:41
They mean it lovingly don't they. There's this sort of, like, oh, you I can't say the words on the radio sort of thing. You know, but you know, they they say things but they that's just their patter, or their banter?

Andy 12:53
I'll blank that word out later.

Jo 12:55
Oh, why?

Andy 12:55
Can't say that!

Jo 12:56
Oh, really? I didn't think it was a bad word particularly. Okay.

Andy 13:06
Shall we move on from that little faux pas?

Jo 13:06
Go on then!

Andy 13:07
Sometimes mistakes happen.

Jo 13:07
So 1 Corinthians 7, 3, is the next one. Think it's similar.

Andy 13:13
No, I'm going the wrong way to 1 Corinthians.

Jo 13:16
It's the New Testament

Andy 13:19
1 Corinthinas 7 verse 3. Like I wasn't a trucker.

Andy 13:22
"The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife. And likewise the wife to her husband".

Andy 13:29
Is that the one you meant?

Jo 13:30
And then 33?

Andy 13:30
Are we doing sex in marriage tonight?

Jo 13:33
Not really, no. Did you do 3 or 33?

Andy 13:35
3

Jo 13:36
And then 33? Then maybe it'll just connect.

Andy 13:41
Ok.

Andy 13:41
"But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world? How can he please his wife?"

Jo 13:46
Oh, if he is?

Andy 13:49
Is that the right reference?

Jo 13:51
No, it's about how a husband should be with his wife. We'll try this one. 1 Peter 3, 7. They're all sort of connected and linked into what the husband should be like

Andy 14:00
1 Peter 3?

Jo 14:00
7.

Andy 14:03
"Husbands in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives", makes more sense, "and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers."

Andy 14:14
If you have an issue with me saying generally speaking, men are stronger than women can I just point you to 1 Peter 3, 7? Where the Bible actually says wives are the weaker partner. And what does that mean? Well Jesus was no wimp! He was, He was a loving guy and He sacrificed himself for all of humanity, all of history. And that, that's the role model.

Jo 14:34
Yeah, I mean, he submitted Himself to some very violent men who were hurting him. They put a crown of thorns on His head. They whipped Him, beat Him. But He submitted because, at any point He could have called on, He's the son of God. He could have called on angels, but He submitted to save us.

Andy 14:52
Do you know what's interesting in this verse 7? 1 Peter 3, 7.

Andy 14:55
"Husbands in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them respect as the weaker partner" and this is the interesting part, it just jumped at me, "and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers."

Andy 15:12
And it's really important because, when I'm agape loving Jo. Does that work in English? We'll go with that. When I'm agape loving Jo I am encouraging her, I am challenging her, I am lifting her up, I am sharing the Bible, I am praying with her, for her. You know, there's all this stuff. We call it edification is the religious word for that. But it just means building up, and lifting up, and, and seeing the best in you. It's not about not seeing the worst. It's about seeing the best and building up from wherever you are.

Andy 15:41
But here's the thing, husbands, the end of verse 7 is this. Blah, blah, blah, "so that nothing will hinder your prayers". You got prayers that aren't being answered? That you think, well, this prayer should be answered? Why am I not able to talk to God? It's like He's not there. Are you getting 1 Peter 3, 7 right? Are you actually doing the considerate loving with your wife? Are you treating them with respect, and as heirs? Are you treating them as, somehow, less equal than you? You know, they've got just as much right to go to heaven as you. And, actually, it's quite important that if your prayers are not being answered, one of the things for husbands, specifically, not men generally, this is particularly to husbands. If your prayers are not being answered, and you think, well, I'm sure this is a desire of God, and it's not being heard and I don't feel like I can speak to Him. Are you, are you treating your wife with respect? 'Cos if you're not treating her with respect God aint gonna hear you!

Jo 16:34
Wow. Some serious things.

Andy 16:36
It's pretty hard.

Jo 16:36
Yeah, isn't it? I mean, it's a high standard of love. Plus, there's a real warning in there in Scripture that's saying if you don't do as you've been instructed then, actually, your prayers won't be answered. That's quite a warning there for husbands.

Andy 16:49
Shall we finish this segment a little bit more positively?

Jo 16:51
Well, no, I think it's positive 'cos it keeps you on the straight and narrow doesn't it.

Andy 16:54
So, husbands, respect your wives if you want God to hear your prayers.

Jo 16:57
Ah, yeah. That's, that's another song comes from my mind about give a little respect.

Andy 17:04
Yeah, I was thinking Garth Brookes and one of God's greatest gifts is unsanswered prayers. But that's a whole other thing.

Jo 17:09
But it is. I mean, it's mutual respect. But yeah, absolutely. Some really good warnings, there.

Andy 17:15
So, husbands, your prayers aren't being answered? You feel like God's not listening? Are you respecting your wife?

Jo 17:20
Fruit of the spirit, isn't it. Gentleness. It's in there?

Jo 17:23
Yes.

Andy 17:27
In 2018, Jo and I were full time children's ministers, loving what we were doing, and wanting to share our resources freely with others to use. Scroll on two years, to 2020, and we'd finally launched our very bunched up family website chocked full of resources.

Andy 17:43
It was a bit embarrassing when we had one video. But we've now got nearly 500 videos for you to use, stream, share, and download with 900 posts. All full of information that you are free to use in your situation, whether that's a church, a family, or just for your own personal use.

Andy 18:00
We've been asked to do all sorts of things. We've made logos for somebody who wanted a new logo for their blog. We've been asked to create a children's discipleship group, so we've done that. We've been asked to create a book about Broken Dreams, and Hope! and we've done that as well. We love creating resources that are relevant for your situation, so get in touch with what your needs are.

Andy 18:21
Our vision and our passion is to create material that is family safe, For Free, For all wherever you are in the world. And that is exactly what we do. So, if you want to help us continue to do that, or if you want us to make something specific for your situation, then get in touch.

Andy 18:47
And we're back for Tips and Resources. I need a like deeper voice.

Jo 18:53
That'll do.

Andy 18:55
Deep. I can't. No. I'll start coughing. So, Tips and Resources and we're looking at what is it we can do in this section, that we can resource you in your marriage, the friendship with your husband, wife. How can we help resource you? We don't have all the answers. We've been married for two and a half decades. That sounds older than 25 years. We've been married for 25 years. That sounds younger. And we've, you know, we've been through life, we've learned some stuff the hard way. We've had to learn some things where we really would have valued other people to help us. And that's partially what we're doing. But this isn't us saying to you, you need to do this. This is us saying, look, this is what we're doing and we think this is a good idea. So, go off and see if this will help your marriage too. And if you've got any better ideas, let us know!

Jo 19:36
Yeah, for this section. I mean, obviously we can get our inspiration from the Song of Songs. So we were speaking earlier about how husbands are not to be harsh with their wives. And so Song of Songs is just some lovely wording, and ways, you can speak to your wife that will build them up, will encourage them. And you've actually done that before, haven't you? And maybe this is something you could also do is takes your, put Songs of Songs to your own words. You've done it remember. I don't know where you picked it up, you picked it up from some book or something. It was an activity to do, and is to sort of put it into your own words, or write it for for your wife, you know. And I think you wrote it, we had like a little thing where we had a diary, a little notepad by our bed didn't we? And when we didn't see each other, you'd read, leave notes for each other. And you wrote, like, a Song of Songs type thing to me, which was lovely, made me, build me up, didn't it really?

Andy 20:27
Yeah, I created Psalms for you. I wrote Song of Songs. It was just a way of connecting after a busy day. That you'd come home, at the time you were doing a lot of cycling from from work. Was a good 15, 16 miles cycle. You'd come home, you'd have a shower, you'd get changed and I'd leave your clothes out and I put a little notepad on.

Jo 20:43
Yeah.

Andy 20:44
Sometimes we're a little sweet or something. It's amazing how far a packet of Rolos will go. That's, that's quite a few days worth. And you looked great every day.

Jo 20:51
You found something from the Song of Songs?

Andy 20:54
Well. The NIV is not necessarily always the greatest rendering of Scripture. It has to be said!. The 1984 one's quite good. Anything after that i starts to get a bit, no! So this is the ESV, which is very, very good. Not necessarily the easiest translation to read, naturally, but actually it's much more accurate. So, it says in this, 1 Peter three, verse 7.

Andy 21:15
"Likewise, husbands live with your wives in an understanding way", quite good! "showing honour to the woman as the weaker vessel since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered."

Andy 21:27
Same thing!

Andy 21:27
So, I just thought that was interesting. So it's about honouring you, which is what I was trying to say. It's about building Jo up it's about sayingn yeah, there's an agape love because she's my sister in Christ and eros love because she's my wife. And, actually, it's about building you up. And when I tried to write out my own versions of Song of Songs, which we're not going to read out to you, partly because they're not very good, and partly because they're personal. But, actually, I did try and inject some, you know, Song of Songs 'ness' into it.

Jo 21:55
Yeah.

Andy 21:57
There you go.

Jo 21:57
Makes me think of Valentine, doesn't it, and Valentine's Day 'cos you make sort of poems up, don't you, to, for your loved ones. But yeah, there's some great, great resources there from Song of Songs.

Andy 22:06
Just to clarify. I don't make up lots of poems for my loved ones, plural. It's when one might do that.

Jo 22:11
Yeah, that's it.

Andy 22:11
Not me for many! There's one Jo. I couldn't cope with anymore!

Jo 22:16
Yeah, imagine that. 'Cos some people used to have more than one wife or still do.

Andy 22:21
I'd rather not!

Jo 22:21
And we're talking about one wife, aren't we?

Andy 22:23
One husband, one wife! It's always good! So, yeah, there's another tip and resource and in there, get yourself a notepad and write to each other every day. Sometimes Jo will be away for 10, 12 hour. Or I'd be trucking and going away for 15 hours. And I'd come home to a shower, and a change and a little notepad. And it just means this person was thinking about me when I wasn't here t the point they have written a little note, which was lovely.

Andy 22:47
Got another advert.

Jo 22:48
Oh cool.

Andy 22:48
Well, I was wondering if I should change it.

Jo 22:50
Okay.

Andy 22:50
No. We'll do that.

Andy 22:55
I was asked to record a video, and write a book, by a friend. He'd seen so many people with broken dreams, just hopeless about the life they were livin, and the life before them. So, I wrote a book. It's my very first book. It's called Broken Dreams, and Hope! It's based on my own life, some struggles that I've had. And the fact that, through those struggles, however bad they were, whether they were caused by me, or caused against me, throughout all of that, there was still hope.

Andy 23:25
Let me just read a few things that people who've read this book already have said.

Andy 23:28
"t's a page turner with each chapter leaving you wanting to read just one more."

Andy 23:34
"You gave the reader motivation to look up and grab the hand that can lift you up on your feet, and walk you through life's muddy mire. And I love the way you spoke of hurt and abuse, but never going into details that would have robbed the reader of their own inward pains, and ability to take hold of the Lord's extended hand, the hand that will never let go."

Andy 23:56
Broken Dreams, and Hope! is a book I wrote because I know what it is to have broken dreams. I know what it is to feel hopeless. But, I also know what it is to have hope. Because that hope has a name. And that name is Jesus Christ.

Andy 24:28
Welcome back for the food section.

Jo 24:30
Take Away.

Andy 24:31
I want food now.

Jo 24:32
Yeah.

Andy 24:33
It's dinner time as well.

Jo 24:33
Every time.

Andy 24:35
Dinnertime isn't that far away is it? I'm always thinking about dinner time!

Andy 24:38
So, yes, we have been talking about Proverbs 32. If there was such a chapter, this is sort of what it is. And what we're really saying is, you don't really need to go to a chapter in the Bible to find out what a husband should do. Actually, the whole Bible is replete with how a husband should be. And we've found, you know, several scriptures about husbands from 1 Peter, and Colossians, and Ephesians. And, if you're ever not sure what to do, go to Ephesians and read up on the, no, Galatians sorry. The Fruit of the Spirit. Because how do I treat Jo? Well, as a Christian, if I'm living for Jesus Christ, I've got the Holy Spirit inside me, then I should have the manifestation, as my Study Bible wonderfully words it, of the Fruit, one Fruit, nine parts. One Fruit! The Fruit of the Spirit, that should be automatically coming out of my relationship with Jesus Christ. And that's how I should treat Jo.

Jo 25:28
Yeah.

Andy 25:29
But there's also more specific stuff as well. So, not being harsh with her. Understanding that she's weaker, in that sense. Not lesser. Big difference! But, actually, you know, how I am with her. Am I being in an aggressive way. Am I shouting. Am I, you know, storming around the house.

Andy 25:44
When things go wrong. I don't do very well, Jo's learn to be very patient and loving me because I don't react as peacefully as I want to. I've got better over the years. That's all that matters! But, yeah, sometimes I don't handle things brilliantly. But, you know, you love me all the same,

Jo 25:57
I think, I'm reminded of, and I know we've shared this book before. Was it April? I've forgotten her surname.

Andy 26:02
Last week we shared

Jo 26:02
Cassidy?

Andy 26:02
The Peaceful Wife.

Jo 26:04
The Peaceful Wife. And she she shares a picture at the start of the book of the relationship between a man and a, husband and wife.

Andy 26:12
Ooh, this is lovely!

Jo 26:12
And it's basically a dance. And you both have, like you're talking about maybe once a week or so, but you have particular roles within that dance for it to work. And the picture I have in my mind when April sort of, sort of shared that, is Torvill and Dean if you remember them. The ice skaters who won the Olympics many times.

Andy 26:33
That's the example that she usd,

Jo 26:33
Oh, does she? And, I've got my my head the picture because, you know, it was a great time when

Andy 26:40
The Bolero!

Jo 26:40
That's what I'm thinking. The Bolero was one. And I'm just thinking of that flowing purple outfit that they were both wearing. And just how Eean would throw, what was her name? I've forgotten the other name.

Andy 26:52
Torvill?

Jo 26:54
Torvill.

Andy 26:54
Jane Torvill and Christopher Dean.

Jo 26:55
Jane, that's it. Jane would be, she trusted him to chuck her up, and she was dead light. And he would be strong enough to hold her. And they had each of their own parts to play. And it's just a beautiful picture, I think, of marriage.

Andy 27:08
Yeah, because it's not about Jane Torvill being weaker than Christopher Dean. He was a big strong copper, wasn't he, if I remember rightly. He was a police officer. But, he was bigger, and he was tougher, and stronger. And, actually, that strength? Well, you could use it to throw her on the floor, I suppose. Or, he could use it to throw her in the air, as he, as he did. It doesn't mean to say that she's weaker. And I think this is something where sometimes we talk about kind of the biblical relationship of a husband and a wife. And, you know, it's this idea that the wife is lesser than the husband and stuff. And it's not about lesser, it's about a different, different role, different person, different function. Jo is weaker than me. She always has been. She can pin me to the ground in a wrestle better than I can her.

Jo 27:47
I've are beaten you on the arm wrestle.

Andy 27:49
I had a bad shoulder that weak. But it is about recognising that we are different, we've got different strengths. And when you are truly honouring. I love the ESV rendering. When I honour Jo correctly. When I treat her as as the beautiful daughter of God that she is, I am enabling her, facilitating, to some extent, for her to be the very best version of the wife that she can be. And vice versa. But we're talking about husbands this weak.

Jo 28:16
Yeah, yeah.

Andy 28:16
And if I don't do those things, well, it doesn't go so well.

Jo 28:19
Yeah.

Andy 28:20
But, you know, top tip don't say to anybody calm down. It's just. We heard somebody once say that if you want a child not to do something, whatever you're giving them in instructions, the last bit's the bit they hear. I don't think that's children. I think that's people.

Jo 28:32
Yeah.

Andy 28:33
So, when you say 'blah, blah, blah, but don't run through that door', "Run through that door!" Okay, so we want to be more positive and it's not.

Andy 28:39
I remember being at school one time and the teacher was, 'Oh, yes, they did something that wasn't positive'. 'Oh right, they've been naughty'. 'We don't use that word. That's very negative.' Yes, but naughty. And my son didn't understand what this teacher was on. Seriously. It's like really? If they learn from a bad just say it's bad and naughty. 'Oh, we don't use anything negative'.

Jo 28:55
Say what you mean, mean what you say?

Andy 28:57
Say what you mean, mean what you say. You haven't got to push people down. You haven't got to destroy them and crush them. But be honest.

Jo 29:01
Yeah.

Andy 29:01
And Peter said, as we walked away from the school, "So that boy was naughty". Yes, Peter, that boy was naughty. "That makes more sense Daddy, thank you." And he was fine!

Jo 29:09
So, I'm thinking the Take Away is I highly recommend, why don't you watch the Torvill and Dean. You could probably find it on the YouTube or something.

Andy 29:15
I'm sure we can find a link to Torvill and Dean.

Jo 29:16
And as you watch that beautiful dance, and it was almost perfection, I think they did get a score of 10 in some, some of the competitions they went in. But just the beauty of the two working together. And reflect on your own marriage and what marriage is meant to be.

Andy 29:33
Yes, what have I, what have I reflected? I reflected that we've run out of time and there's lots more I want to say. So, go read the Song of Songs, get yourself a notepad and start writing to each other. You're never too long married to romance each other.

Jo 29:47
Yeah.

Andy 29:48
There you go.,

Jo 29:49
Good one.

Andy 29:49
Romantical things. So join us again next week for more.

Jo 29:52
Yeah.

Andy 29:53
Tomorrow afternoon four o'clock join us on Konnect radio. We'll put a link to that. That should be exciting. Family Focus on Konnect Radio And, aside from that, we'll see you again very, very soon. Or you might hear us on a radio near you.

Jo 30:04
Yeah. Bye for now.

Andy 30:06
Bye for now. I've lost my button. Ooh there!

Jo 30:22
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Steven 30:36
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Peter 30:42
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Nathan 30:53
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Andy 31:06
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Andy 31:17
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