S02E010, Roles and Responsibilities, Part 1, Marriage Matters

Avatar The BerryBunch | 01/10/2022

Introduction

In this episode of Marriage Matters, Andy B and Jo look at who does what in our relationships – to putting the bin out, cleaning, cooking, staying at home, going out to work and more – not an exhaustive list!

Actually, as Andy and Jo discuss the issues and share their own stories, it happens again, they both realise that one episode on this subject will not do justice to working out roles and responsibilities in Marriage – another Part 2 is promised!

This week, Andy B is on the ball and slick with the scripture, well there was just the one!

  • 1 Corinthians 12:21-26

The Meaty Section

Andy and Jo chew through some difficult topics and try and make sense of it all.

#RealTalk and #RealLife is just what we do!

Tips and Resources

  • Prevention is better than cure
  • Don’t judge
  • Communication is key
  • Take time out to pray – maybe you need to change not your spouse!

The Take Away

Andy
If you’re blessed with a family that grows, get your children involved. Not so you can do less, but so that you can all, together, do more.

“It's not about doing less. It's about all working together to do more.”

Jo
You need to make plans in order to be organised as a family. That helps everyone know what is they need to be doing, and who has responsibility for what.

Do that “and it takes the stress away”!

LISTEN TO THE PODCAST

READ THE TRANSCRIPT

Andy 0:28
Well, hello, and welcome to another episode of Marriage Matters. I'm a tired Andy.

Jo 0:33
And a tired, Jo,

Andy 0:34
Because we've been working super hard this weekend. So on the weekend of filming, we've done a Breakfast Show for Konnect, which was 3 hours, all five of us. And we've done our own radio show for Konnect, for Sunday. So, busy, busy.

Jo 0:49
Yes. But we're here

Andy 0:51
We're here!

Jo 0:51
For another Marriage Matters

Andy 0:52
We've also got 6 massive bags of hedge trimmings. Busy, busy!. So you're very welcome to join us.

Andy 0:59
If you want to keep up to date with what we do. We say this every week, but you really need to sign up. I can't say this enough. Sign up to the Newsletter, 'cos there's really exciting stuff and you may well miss it.

Jo 1:08
Yeah.

Andy 1:08
Let's be honest, social media loves to hide things from you that are very exciting. So, get the newsletter, and then you can bypass algorithms. www.BerryBunch.family and then, as the little video is now showing you, go to the top left hand corner of the page, click Newsletter, add your email address. That's it.

Jo 1:28
Awesome. Simple. Yes. So Marriage Matters is we've decided to talk about Roles and Responsibilities. Pretty chilled out about it. Don't quite know where we're gonna go. But we've got some ideas. But, yeah, it's a good idea, we thought, to kind of have, know what to expect before you get married to look at, you know, what you're like, and what you think the roles and responsibilities will be. But it doesn't always happen like that, 'cos you sort of find out by accident or, you know, as the marriage goes on,

Andy 2:01
You discover that the, that my wife really sucks at doing that, so I think I should do that myself before the toilet gets blocked.

Jo 2:08
So, and also maybe, you know,

Andy 2:10
For example

Jo 2:11
Things changed as well, don't they?

Andy 2:12
off the top of my head.

Jo 2:12
You know, things change. And we'll we will share something of our own experiences to help along the way.

Andy 2:20
Yeah, we don't have the most normal marital situation. I think it's a very good one. I think, you know, God owuld be happy.

Jo 2:29
You used the word normal.

Andy 2:31
I know.

Jo 2:31
Is there such a thing?

Andy 2:32
No! Speaking of not normal, here's some Dave.

Jo 2:44
You'll never guess what. Dave the Dog has his own show and it's called Dave Unleashed.

Steven 2:51
Are we sure about this?

Jo 2:52
Well, I'm going to be there on hand. I'm going to help him.

Steven 2:57
What, what mayhem are we to expect?

Jo 3:00
Well, to keep him on track, he's got Story Time. He's got Art Time. So you know, and I'll be there to help him.

Steven 3:08
What could possibly go wrong?

Jo 3:28
So, Marriage Matters. And we're looking at Roles and Responsibilities. And so, I don't know, I don't know where this is gonna go. Because we all have different roles. We all have different responsibilities, but I was thinking about it when I was looking

Andy 3:41
I think this is gonna go to 2 episodes.

Jo 3:43
Oh, yeah. Well, yeah, actually, it could do, couldn't it. Cos I looked around at this issue. And, if you're in a church, or a community group, or a job, you need to no clear understanding of who does what, where. Otherwise, it gets a bit messy, doesn't it and there can be difficulties. And we talked about, with finances, you can get into arguments about finances. And you could definitely get into arguments about roles and responsibilities. Like whose job and who's supposed to do something

Andy 4:09
Why hasn't the bin gone out? It's your turn! I did it last week. I did it last week. No, you?

Jo 4:15
Yeah.

Andy 4:15
For example.

Jo 4:16
For example.

Andy 4:16
Actually, we've never had that one. So I can use that one very, very happily, because we don't have that problem.

Jo 4:21
No

Andy 4:22
I always have to do it. So I taught my kids to do it so I don't have to do. I'm not stupid.

Jo 4:28
Well, it's a good job we can have a laugh about it. But I'm sure there have been times when we haven't laughed about it. So, yeah, it's good to understand what your roles are. Well, I suppose it's what you're good at, isn't it as well that comes into it.

Andy 4:38
Playing to your strengths. I think in any situation it's great to have people who can do all sorts of things, you know, training up. You know, if you're running a church ministry, whatever you don't want to have one person that can do one thing, that nobody else can do, that super critical. Because if that one person goes out, you've just gone down. So, it's good to play to your strengths.

Andy 4:57
If you've got somebody who, somebody who does video editing for the BBC, you know, and you've got video stuff in the church. There's a good chance they could offer quite a lot of help. However, and this is super important, the fact that they do it in their day job does not mean they're the best person in your church. Because if God hasn't called them, their human worldly skills might mean nothing.

Andy 5:20
Just a thought.

Jo 5:21
Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of, it's about faith. It's about prayer in your marriage. And it's working through. Now, we talked about sort of, was it last week.

Andy 5:29
Is that lots of faith in prayer?.

Jo 5:32
Faith in prayer. We talked about, you know, I did the finances for a while, then you did, and we've just swapped that around. You just talked about the bin,

Andy 5:40
which has never been an issue, thankfully.

Jo 5:41
But, you know, we were talking earlier about not having a normal sort of family and, and what we meant was that that, you know, I know a lot of men do stay at home and look after fat family, and children, and the home. And then it can change from one to the other. But stereotypically it can be that the mum stays at home and dad goes to work. But we've pretty much, always, had it where you you've stayed at home, haven't you and done done stuff. You know, what do you call them? A home worker?

Andy 6:08
Stay at home Dad.

Jo 6:08
Stay at home dad.

Andy 6:09
I have had some, i was gonna say interesting debates. It's never debates. I've had some very nasty comments. Let's call it what it is. I've never had a debate with anybody. I've had lots of nasty comments. "Oh, you're just staying at home 'cos you're lazy'. Oh, isn't that the greatest irony? And it's usually from a mum who thinks that stay at home mums work really hard, but if a dad at home, it's because he's lazy. So what I actually did say one time, 'What is that 'cos you don't have to do anything'?

Andy 6:33
I think I'd just had. the thing is you get, you get, you have, you have these for so many times, I'd just had enough of these, you know, nasty comments because I'm at home, from yet another stay at home who thinks that only wives can do it? And you know, if you're not a wife or a mother, Mom, you can't You're rubbish. And I think I'd had enough of that point.

Jo 6:48
Oh

Andy 6:48
And when they say, 'Oh, you just stayed at home so you can be lazy'. I said, 'Oh, well are you lazy?'

Jo 6:52
Yeah. 'Cos I mean, Proverbs 31 we've looked at be, be at home, and work in the home and that's

Andy 6:57
they didn't talk to me again,

Jo 6:58
about being hard working. And that's for men and women, isn't it. To, to do stuff and get get things done? It's a family affair, isn't it getting everything done?

Andy 7:06
I was trying to do the Jesus thing of asking a question with a question. Not my greatest graceful moment. But anyway. Yeah, we were thinking about some of the stereotypes.

Andy 7:13
So, we've mentioned before that when Steven was born, we'd already decided, before children came along, that one of us was gonna be at home when it came to it. I'm not going to detailw because we've done this. We decided that I would stay at home purely because I could earn what Jo earned. But I had to do about another 30 hours a week. So it was just, it was a real simple, logical, I'll stay at home. And we've done that.

Andy 7:35
Only really recently, I mean, Steven's nearly 19 in a few months. Only really recently have I thought I'm not really a stay at home dad, full time, anymore. Because Peter's 12. And, although, you know, we look after the education, and all the rest of it, actually, I'm not needed as I used to be. Something has kind of changed in the family over time. And, now, I'm not quite as needed in the same way.

Andy 7:55
The boys put the washing in the machine, put the machine with clean washing outside. They they put the clothes away, they do the bins, they do cleaning. Now, we all do those things. But they are, they're so integrated in, in the household running now, I'm not critically needed, which is fantastic, by the way. Not because I've got less to do, but because they know how to do it. And actually we all pitch in. It's not about one person doing less. It's about we all do our part.

Andy 8:21
If one of us is tired, or ill or not very well, someone else can step in. So I always use the example of Peter, who's only 12, can do a scratch cooked meal. So I mean by that he can take whatever meat's in the fridge, whatever vegetables are there, rice, pasta, spaghetti, whatever, and he'll make a meal. Because we wanted him to learn, because I didn't know how to when I left home. So we want our children not to take work off us, but to enable us all to do more things. And that is my point today.

Andy 8:49
It's not about who's going to do what it's about how do we push each other up, forwards, rather than, well, 'That's, that's your job. Why aren't you doing it?'

Andy 8:56
Well, you know, as Christians, we're supposed to cover the faults of others. We're not supposed to say, 'Look what they did. They didn't take the bin out this week.' That's actually, that's as bad as witchcraft. That's as bad as murder in God's eyes. You know, I'm not, I'm not being around the I'm too tired to beat around the bush. I'm not beating around the bush. But, you know, we're supposed to cover the faults of others. So when Jo slams the boot on the car every time I now open the door, so it's not so bad.

Jo 9:20
What's that?

Andy 9:21
When you slam the door, you can't shut the boot, calmly on the car!

Jo 9:25
Ineed one of those cars where it does it for you.

Andy 9:28
We all need you to have one of those cars.

Jo 9:29
That would be great.

Andy 9:29
So yeah, stereotypes. So I've been at home for a long time. I've met lots of people who really don't care who stays at home. I have to be honest, the Christian mums, not all of them, have been singularly the worst, and most critical, and most unpleasant about me being at home. It's interesting. Isn't it more judgmental. Not all Christian mums are! Some of them are actually far more lovely. But the worst comments I've had have not been from non Christian mums, but actually from Christian mums, who have this idea that only women should stay at home. And that's not biblical. Just telling you!!

Andy 10:04
I've had some nasty comments from someone who seemed to be the authority on wives, and women and stuff. And you know what men should do and what women should do. And I remember saying to her, but it doesn't say that men can't be at home, that men have to work. And she wittered on about bits and pieces, but she didn't have any scriptural basis. And yet, you read Proverbs 31. The wife didn't just stay home, washing nappies!

Jo 10:28
No

Andy 10:28
She did an awful lot more than that. So yeah, we're not going to gender stereotypes and all that kind of stuff. We're not interested in that. But we are saying, we don't live quite what normal people might do.

Jo 10:38
And also, we've always talked about how the longer you stay married, the more you get to know each other, the more you can just enjoy each other's company. You get to know each other's foibles, which one's quiet in the morning. And I think that goes the same with roles and responsibilities. You've got yourself

Andy 10:53
I'm very quiet in the morning!

Jo 10:53
You got yourself into a nice system of who does what, and I've seen that in older couples, it's just lovely to see. And there's no argy bargy. Is that the right word? There's no issue. They just are seamlessly do things together. And it's just lovely to see. Yeah, get the job done.

Andy 11:12
And this is the thing. It's, we've also, quite frequently, talked about how the husband and wife, the relationship is supposed to reflect, 'I am a bride of Christ, as Jo is a bride of Christ, as Jo is my bride. So, I'm supposed to treat Jo as Jesus treats us, and we treat Jesus as Jo treats me. That, that's the, that's the kind of flow. That's how it's supposed to work.

Andy 11:32
Let me read this out 1 Corinthians, We fixed the scriptures issue. I wrote them down. One Corinthians 12, verse 21.

Andy 11:40
"The eye cannot say to the hand, I have no need of you. Nor again, the head, of the feet, I have no need of you. On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker, are indispensable. And on those parts of the body that we think less honourable, we bestow, the greater honour. And our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, which our more presentable parts do not require."

Andy 12:00
And so it goes on, read the rest of that. 1Corinthians 12, 21 to 26 and keep going. It's all about the body of Christ, that's about the church. But we're supposed to reflect that. So we have different roles and responsibilities.

Andy 12:14
Here's a couple of stereotypes that really used to grate with me. This isn't an Andy whinging moment. But, you know, I've had enough comments over the years that I can speak, I think, with some, some authority on this as a stay at home dad for nearly 2 decades.

Andy 12:27
One of them was, 'Oh, typical bloke always leaves clothes on the floor'. And I said to them, that's not a male issue. 'Oh, no'. All these wives. 'Oh, yeah. It's always the husband's doing that'. I said, 'Right. Does your husband work full time?' 'Yeah.' 'And you don't?' 'Oh, I stay at home with the kids'. 'Right? So it's not your husband, it's the role, it's the function. 'Cos you know what, my wife who is female, leaves clothes on the floor next to the washing basket. Why? I's not lazy. It's just that my job, my role, my responsibility was getting the washing process to be clean. Jo's responsibility was earning money so I didn't really care if she didn't put all the clothes in the washing. Who cares really? Because I want to lift her up, because well, that's my job anyway. If it's next to it, and it's not in it, who, no one cares?

Jo 13:08
Yeah, it comes back to what you're saying about loving one another, isn't it? And not being judgmental? 'Cos it's, we're too quick to judge aren't we? And think, Oh, the the other person is not doing that job because they're lazy, because they don't care. And it's like, well check in and work out, 'cos they might not be feeling very well. They might have forgotten. And we're too, sometimes, quick to judge one another aren't we.

Andy 13:26
I've got a clever phrase.

Jo 13:28
Ooh, have you?

Andy 13:28
Yes. Now we, we've quite often talked about, you know, the other half. And we always correct each other because we're not halves. We're not two halves of a whole. We are one hole, of two parts. And it's a really, really important difference.

Jo 13:39
Yeah.

Andy 13:39
We're not two halves, we are two parts. Like there are not 9 fruits of the Spirit, there is 1 fruit of the Spirit, which has 9 parts. You can't have bits.

Andy 13:49
Okay, so you are two parts of the same team. So when you're having an argument, because the bin hasn't been put away, and you've now got flies and rats in your kitche

Jo 13:57
eww

Andy 13:57
and you're saying, oh, you should have emptied the bin. Who's the idiot?!? The person that didn't empty it, or the person that didn't empty it? Just saying! So, here's a little phrase,

Andy 14:07
"If one of you does poorly, you both do. If one of you does well, you both do."

Andy 14:11
So, rather than whining about the bin, stick it out yourself!

Jo 14:16
I don't know what we whine about because I don't like you so we don't whine about the bin. I mean, obviously, this is not a perfect run home or anything like that. And, you know, we could do with sort of shaping up in certain areas, but I can't say is I can complain about anything.

Andy 14:33
I can't think of anything where I think, oh I wish they stopped doing that, because I think, I think because of the life we've had, the way that God has taken us down various paths, we're too interested in not, not getting through life like surviving, getting through life and thriving! And that means lifting each other up, you know. For example, here's another one so toilet roll tubes, they get left in the toilets, you know. It's fairly normal. I know some people get absolutely nuts. Do you know what? Who cares! Isn't it easier to pick four or five up at a time?

Jo 15:02
Yeah.

Andy 15:03
And take them to the recycling at the same time. Everyone puts them neatly at the side, I don't really care!

Jo 15:08
I did think about having a recycling sort of system upstairs nearer the toilet rolls.

Andy 15:14
We used to!

Jo 15:14
But then you think, you know what, sometimes I just sort of try and see the funny side and thing, see how many rolls will, will kind of grow together before somebody moves them

Andy 15:25
You either see it as something that's gonna break up a family, or you just see the humorous side. And I think part of why we, why people feel comfortable with us when they come to our home, is we're very comfortable, because we're not really stressed about stuff. 'Cos why? Why bother? If it breaks who cares. There's more important stuff in life,.

Jo 15:41
There's more important things in life than toilet rolls left lying around.

Andy 15:44
We've come to time, but I think is there a second one of these?

Jo 15:46
I think we ought to really, 'cs Roles and Responsibilities, I think, yeah, Part 2? Let's do that.

Andy 15:52
Because we haven't done

Jo 15:53
We've just scratched the surface haven't we really.

Andy 15:55
Yeah we haven't done all that stuff there.

Jo 15:56
Oh, you've got some more and we only had one scripture. I'm sure there's more.

Andy 16:01
Oh, there's loads.

Jo 16:01
Yeah, let's do that next time.

Andy 16:02
We'll do, we'll do it. We'll do a Part 2. Keep doing these don't we.

Jo 16:07
Family Prayer Time. So what is it, Peter?

Peter 16:11
Well, it's where me and mum, well Jo, we look at, we find a subject for prayer. So, maybe it's a Psalm or a country. And then we pray as we feel led. And Bob's your uncle.

Jo 16:22
Excellent. Yeah, absolutely. It's Family Prayer Time, me and Pete, pray together. And we'd like you to pray as a family. So join us for Family Prayer Time.

Andy 16:48
Was it you or me?

Jo 16:49
You.

Andy 16:50
Awesome. Hello. Tips and Resources. So you've heard the idea of not taking your anger to bed. And you've heard about, you know, the Scripture says don't let the sun go down on your anger, so you don't go to bed angry. That's the point. You don't take your anger to bed, you actually need to deal with it before you go to bed.

Andy 17:08
Yes, there is a time and a place for separating, not away from each other's houses. I mean, just taking some time out, just to, you know, cool off, go for a walk or whatever. Don't be irresponsible in doing that! But there is a time to take a pause. But, you know, we need to deal with anger in the same way. The simplest way to prevent a problem, is to prevent a problem! Not to try to fix it afterwards.

Jo 17:35
Prevention is better than cure.

Andy 17:36
Yes. If you want to prevent something from happening, prevent it from happening. Don't wait for the rats and the flies to arrive at your bin. Take your bin out!

Jo 17:43
Yeah. That made me think then just just now that actually, sometimes, if you're getting irritated or stressed about something, it might not actually be about the bin, or whatever it is you're arguing about.

Andy 17:54
It's never about the bin.

Jo 17:54
It's just some things get into you. And that's an easy one. That's one tha you just have an argument about that. But actually, when you get down to it, it could be something else couldn't it. Yeah!

Andy 18:02
A lack of respect. Lack of feeling cherished. Lack of feeling loved. Lack of feeling heard or valued. It's never about the bin.

Jo 18:08
Yeah!

Andy 18:08
The bin's a symptom.

Jo 18:10
Something's gone on at work. Somebody's upsetting them, whatever it might be. Yeah. So what was your thing you just said basically, prevention is better than cure?

Andy 18:18
Yeah, if, I mean, I'm full of obvious statements tonight. But, the thing is, obvious statements sometimes needs stating. If you want to prevent something, prevent it from happening. Don't prevent it by fixing it after the event! 'Cos that's not prevention!

Jo 18:30
Yeah, I suppose there's, that, you can have like I know people do. And we have done it, you have like rota systems. And we have started to do that with meal times. Because what we were finding was no one was doing the dinner. And everyone was going, Oh, I'm hungry. And like, we're not really sorted it out. So we have had sort of, some sort of system of somebody taking responsibility to cook the meal. And we have had little rotas around who's doing what in terms of cleaning anyway. So that's what we've, so that's, I suppose that's a bit of a tip isn't it to sort of put things down like that.

Andy 18:56
We used to have a digital To Do list. So, there's five of us in this house. Everyone's got a phone. We all connected up, wasn't it Microsoft To Do list. And we set things on there. So, put the bins out upstairs, put the bins out downstairs, and we, it took ages, but it was worth it because everyone had getting into the habit of getting the job's done.

Andy 19:13
Now, we don't do that anymore. Because that was really for half a year, maybe a year. But it just got people in the cycle of doing what needed to be done. And it wasn't that they weren't getting done. It was just us trying to do a more organised system. Now some of those things have stayed. For example, we've got a dehumidifier and you're supposed to hoover the back of that every few months. Well, that's still on the To Do list, because I can't remember to hoover it, or to clean the hoover in the hoover. So, you know some things it's worth just get a recurring list.

Jo 19:44
Yeah

Andy 19:44
You know, and when you say 'Why haven't you done this? Why haven't you done that?' It just piles pressure. So my tip, my tip simply, it's not really a resource. Oh, I suppose it is a resource.

Andy 19:51
If you want to prevent something from happening, prevent it from happening. Don't wait for the flies and the rats. Stick your bin out and whatever problem that might be. If you're fed up because the nappies always run out, well just get some more, you know. Maybe the person doesn't know they're supposed to, and maybe it's got nothing to do with nappies, thery're just feeling not listened to.

Jo 20:10
Yeah.

Andy 20:10
And that's so so frequently the case, isn't it?

Jo 20:12
Yeah.

Andy 20:13
Whatever the problem is, is very unlikely to be the problem.

Jo 20:16
Yeah. And communication is absolutely key. Not, not being judgmental, thinking about the other person.

Andy 20:23
Communication means speaking and listening.

Jo 20:26
Listening, yes. We've got 2 ears to listen to. Yeah, 1 mouth.

Andy 20:29
2 ears and 1 mouth. to speak. Listen twice as much as you speak.

Jo 20:33
Yeah. So communication is key to work it out together. And I suppose, one of the things, and we often share a good thing to do is read the book by Stormie Omartian.

Andy 20:44
Stormie Omartian. I'm going with that.

Jo 20:45
A Praying Wife. A Praying Husband. And prayer, you know, if you're agitated, you're upset, you know, go into a quiet place, pray about it. Pray for your your spouse, and maybe, "Is it me?" And it usually is yourself.

Andy 20:59
It usually is you, yes.

Jo 21:01
You need to change something about yourself. Thanks for that.

Andy 21:05
You're welcome.

Andy 21:08
Well, hello, my name's Andy B.

Jo 21:09
And I'm Jo.

Andy 21:10
And we've got some super exciting nose. Nose?

Jo 21:13
Nose? News!

Andy 21:13
No, news. We've got some news. We've got some.

Jo 21:15
You said you could do this, Andy.

Andy 21:17
Well, I did try. Anyway, we've got some exciting news, not noses, coming for you. Because, on Konnect Radio, is a brand new radio show.

Jo 21:22
Yeah.

Andy 21:23
Called Family Focus. And, it may be a shock, but actually we're doing it.

Jo 21:27
Yes. And not on our own 'cos we've got a really cool dog called Dave.

Andy 21:31
Yes.

Jo 21:31
Dave the Dog who joins us.

Andy 21:33
Yes, Dave the Dog, who's a dog called Dave. It doesn't get much more complicated.

Jo 21:37
He's dead funny. He's dead funny. He's dead funny.

Andy 21:38
He's very funny. He comes along and helps. We've got a good, good contract for him.

Jo 21:42
Yeah.

Andy 21:42
That's coming up. We've also got the doggy cushion where we talk about family successes.

Jo 21:47
Highs and lows.

Andy 21:48
Highs and lows of family life. So, whether you're 0, 8, 88, 888, then you're welcome to join us.

Jo 21:56
You don't have to do math on this show.

Andy 21:58
No. It's fine. We don't! So come join us for some great chats, some great music, and some great stuff coming up on Konnect. Radio, Family Focus.

Jo 22:12
Ah, I was just thinking that you normally take the Take Away, but I'm just thinking about what we take away. Roles and Responsibilities.

Jo 22:19
Clearly it can be a problem. And I just can't seem to think of problems. But then that's probably a good thing. 'Cos you're not supposed to keep a record of wrongs are you.

Andy 22:29
No. I don't think you could if you wanted to. You forget.

Jo 22:30
I know. i've got a terrible memory.

Andy 22:32
'What happende to this?' 'Oh, yeah, sorry.' It's gone.

Andy 22:36
Yeah, Take Away? I think my Take Away is simply this. After 25 years, we have got, I think now, quite a good dance of how to do life well, without all the stresses and strains. And one of the simplest things we've done is, as our family grew, we did less. And it wasn't because we were lazy, or wanted other people to do more. It's because we encouraged others to do more too. And when 5 of you do something, it's easier than 1 of you.

Andy 23:05
Quick example. So I'm talking about hedges a lot, 'cos we've got a lot of hedges. Must be like 200 feet of hedge. So we're doing the hedges alright. But there's 5 of us doing the hedge. Now we've done maybe 30 foot today, 5 of us at it for maybe 2, 3 hours between us. That's about 15 hours worth of work by the way, when you start adding it up. It's a lot of hedge and it's not been done for a long time. If 1 of us did all that hedge, it would take an awfully long time. 5 of us it's taken a long time or his level not close. So we're doing it 5 times quicker. And that's the point. When 5 of you work together, it's easier. It's not about doing less. It's about all working together to do more.

Jo 23:43
Yeah, I must admit I've seen families, some families I've worked with, and there was one person who's like doing everything, and everyone's just seemingly sitting around. And that's, that's when that's really hard. And I know some people are better at certain things and perhaps they don't want their stuff messed with. Whether it's dad, or uncle, who doesn't want their tools messed with. Or whether it might be you know, people who like their, you like your kitchen equipment, don't you. So you don't like things, you like them put back in a certain place.

Andy 24:13
I don't like walking into the kitchen and discover that every single pot, pan, spoon, bowl, and serving dish, has been used by you to make soup.

Jo 24:19
Yeah, but I was just thinking about how sometimes a piece of equipment goes back in the wrong drawer or something. You need to write this down. Like where they belong. There needs to be some sort of list and location.

Andy 24:29
Do you know? Sometimes I think about it!

Jo 24:32
I've just thought of something that perhaps we do get irriated about.

Andy 24:35
Well, there you go.

Jo 24:35
We found something. But yeah, so Take Away? What what did you sa youwill be taking away from this. Did you did you answer the question?

Andy 24:43
I did. Told you we were tired. It's gone.

Jo 24:48
Your Take Away?

Andy 24:50
I don't remember. Oh, prevent things by preventing.

Jo 24:53
Yeah, but no, getting everybody involved. That's what you just said isn't it, yeah.

Andy 24:57
Get everyone involved. So don't just think oh. That's the other one I was thinking. So often people say, 'Oh, no one helps me in the house. it's all me on my own, I'm sick of doing it.' If you stop doing it, others might have a chance of doing it.

Andy 25:09
We've seen it in churches where you've got, you know, 3% doing everything. 'No one gets involved in the church, they won't'. Yeah, but you want it done exactly, specifically, your way. Rather than allowing somebody else to bring their gifting to the fore. And, actually, if we all bring our own gifting, just like 1 Corinthians 12, the church will function. The family, which is effectively a church in some respects, will function better. So, if we all bring our bit to it, it gets easier. But yeah, so frequently, people are saying 'Why does nobody? No one does this. No one does. I'm always on my own'. Well, if you stop making a big deal about it. If you actually allow others to bring their way of doing it, maybe they'll help more.

Jo 25:49
Yeah, I think my Take Away is, you actually need to be planning and being organised in a family, to make sure you know what you do, and what your responsibilities are. And it takes the stress away.

Andy 26:03
Prevent by prevention.

Jo 26:05
Yeah. I like that.

Andy 26:06
There you go.

Jo 26:07
There you go. That was Marriage Matters. And we're gonna have to do some more Roles and Responsibilities next time.

Andy 26:11
Yeah, we'll come back for Part 2 next time.

Jo 26:12
And we'll be less tired!

Andy 26:14
Yes. A good, tired. A busy tired.

Jo 26:17
Yeah.

Andy 26:17
Busy seasons are okay. And then the boys step in and do more cooking and cleaning so that's fine. That's how it works.

Jo 26:23
Yeah.

Andy 26:23
And that's why it works. So we will see you again next week. For more enjoy whatever you are, and whenever you are up to, doing, eating, and take the bin out. Bye for now.

Jo 26:47
Bye.

Jo 26:47
There are many ways to keep in touch with the BerryBunch. Visit our website and sign up to the BerryBytes Newsletter so that you can be notified of all our videos, posts, exciting news, and seasonal events.

Steven 27:00
Subscribe to our Vimeo and YouTube channels, where we post brand new, homegrown, video resources every week.

Peter 27:07
Join us on DingDash. A fabulous place that connects people from all around the world. It's social media as it should be. Come join the rebellion!

Nathan 27:17
Like us on Facebook where we hang out and post extra things to encourage and inspire you. We're on Twitter and Tumblr too. You can also follow us on Instagram where we share extra photos from the world of the BerryBunch.

Andy 27:31
If you've enjoyed any of our posts or videos, share it with a friend and encourage them too. And, if you want to encourage us, then like, comment and share on what we make.

Andy 27:42
To help support the ministry we freely provide check us out on Patreon where you can support us financially as you feel led.

DOWNLOAD THE VIDEO

Download this video easily from our Vimeo channel by simply clicking on the download arrow, and selecting the quality of video you prefer.

Just click on the download arrow under the right hand corner of the video 🙂

Rate it

Written by The BerryBunch


Comments

This post currently has 2 responses.

  1. davidsdailydose

    03/10/2022 at 00:46

    Prevention is better than cure. School teachers learn this one early, or they likely won’t survive. Procedures for almost everything, that’s the goal.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: